Feeling a little lost

[lenrup]

[lenrup]

Hi,

My situation started a few months ago. After making a disastrous move into a house that turned out to be a death trap, we (my new husband and our son) had to move back in with his parents. I get along fine with them, but we have no private space. All three of us are in the same bedroom and we share the rest of the house, the kitchen, living room and bathroom with the in-laws. I am really struggling with the living situation as I have been used to my own space since the age of 17. I have been having problems in one of my jobs, where by my boss is a bully. I was going to sleep feeling ill and dreading going into work just in-case my boss turned up. I was feeling sick, had headaches, my heart kept skipping beats, I had really bad dizzy spells and kept bursting into tears. To top all this off, my sister in-law took it upon herself to tell the whole of Facebook what she assumed was going on in the home situation (she lives in another country and has no idea what is really happening) and attacked me basically saying that I did nothing around the house, that I am ungrateful, Inconsiderate and disrespectful and it just got worse from there and she thinks she has made things better, but in reality for me she has made it 100 times worse. The thing is I have two jobs, a two year old son and husband to look after, as well as cleaning up after them both and doing all our other household chores.

I'm now left in a situation that I really don't want to be in, we can't afford to move out, it's really awkward and uncomfortable and also the sister in-law is coming back over to England for a visit just before Christmas which I am totally dreading and it's already starting to make me feel ill. I don't know if it's just me been over the top but I feel like I can cope any more with it all. I'm a little lost with what to do.

[BriarRose]

Hi Lenrup

Hey, hun, I really sympathise, it sounds a horrible situation to be in for you - and I don't think you're being "over the top" at all!!! Let's try to break it down into manageable "bits" (Question: How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time! )

First of all, can you REALLY not afford to move out? No, I don't mean a house or even a flat, but maybe - just maybe - even a small rented studio flat/bedsit that was YOURS would be preferable - would that be worth investigating? I know it's not ideal, with a two year old, but at least the space - however small - would be your own? Just an idea.

You also say that you have "two jobs, a two year old son and husband to look after, as well as cleaning up after them both and doing all our other household chores." Sorry, don't mean to be rude, but what does your husband do? If both you and your husband are working, and you're doing two jobs, then I personally think that child-care and housework should be shared between you - I really don't think it's fair, if I've got the right end of the stick, that all of that should fall on you! Even if it was something as simple as you husband taking your little boy to the park for an hour or so, so that you could lie on the bed, in your room and read or watch tv/play on the internet - or sleep! So maybe you need to talk to your husband about a fairer share-out of the workload?

As far as work is concerned, if you boss really IS a bully, then s/he's breaking the law, and your company should have a grievance procedure you can follow. As a start, it might be an idea to make a note of all the times you feel s/he has bullied you, to put a case together. Bullying at work is quite a big issue nowadays, and if it's making you ill, then the company could be in trouble. You could try talking to ACAS (Advice Conciliation and Arbitration Service) - I did this for a friend recently and found them brilliant! Go to: -

acas.org.uk/index.aspx?arti...

As far as your sister in law is concerned (what is it about Facebook that makes people think they can say what they like about people on it? I'm sure the "experts" will very soon identify a "Facebook syndrome" lol!) - anyway, as far as she is concerned - I think, if I were in that situation, I would hand it over to my husband. She's his sister, your his wife, and maybe he should tell her that he doesn't appreciate his wife being slagged off on FB by someone who knows nothing about the situation!

You and your husband are in this situation together, through no fault of your own, but you seem to be bearing the brunt of it all. Maybe you should explain to your husband that you need a bit more support; it's probably different for him, he's living with HIS parents, possibly in HIS old home - you're not, so perhaps he needs reminding of how difficult you're finding it?

hope this helps, hun, but keep posting, I'm sure others will have more/other/better advice, but this is a great place to get support - or even just let off steam!

Love

Rose

xxxx

[Hidden in reply to BriarRose]

Hi. BriarrRose. I am going to keep a record of your wonderful sayings. Where do you get them? The one about the 'Elephant' made me laugh! All the best. Love. jonathan.

[ellabella]

Rose , that was a cracking reply! I think you have it covered . Lenrup this lady talks so much sense, don't you agree? keep blogging and let us know how you are good luck xxxxxxxx

[BriarRose in reply to ellabella]

Aww bless you, Ellabella, thank you! Hope you're okay, love!

xxxxxxxxxxx

[Hidden in reply to BriarRose]

Hi. BriarRose. Yes, I totally agree.. Love. jonathan.