This is kind of a weird fear, but it has cropped up quite often, especially over the last five years.
I keep feeling like I'm losing intelligence - as if there's something wrong with my brain, or my mind, that is dumbing me down. I occasionally see evidence of the way I was eight years ago, and think 'hm. That person is a lot more intelligent than I am'. And that really scares me, as my abilities in that area are the most important thing to my identity.
Today I have needed to read back on some of my first essays for university for research, and was shocked to read them and realise they are written in a more stylistic, original and intelligent way than I now write (I work as a writer...) The same goes for more creative work. I've just finished off a deadline on a piece of creative work and then a couple of hours later read something I wrote when I was 19 and it was A LOT better!
I know that my head feels a lot fuzzier nowadays than it did when I was 18/19 - even though I had already suffered mental health problems for 4 - 5 years by then - and I'm amazed how much it shows in my work, with my arguments and creative work both coming across with more clarity and organisation, while now everything comes out a little fuzzier in my writing and less to the point, and with far less style and originality.
I've also noticed that I find it difficult to play musical instruments nowadays. I stopped doing it when I was 19....I just lost interest all of a sudden for no reason....but I had previously played since I was 4 years old and now I struggle to even keep in time and I can't imagine however I could play instruments before. The first time I tried to play the piano I found it incredibly difficult and I sounded awful - it was a really, really easy piece of music as well.
Please could someone reassure me that the decline in my abilities is just because I'm struggling to concentrate and not because my mind/brain is irreparably damaged?! Should I tell a doctor about this?
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anxiousrecoverer
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6 Replies
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Hi - I went through a period of worring that the anxiety was using up my brain power and making me less effective at work. However I think that it might have the opposite effect - it makes you double-check everything and to become more perfectionist!
From the evidence of your writing above I think you are still expressing yourself with a high degree of intelligence, so no worries.
Also I'm hopeless at playing the piano nowadays and used to be pretty good when young - I think its a natural thing if you don't keep up the practise.
Thank you for your reassurance. I think I go through periods of thinking 'the anxiety is stealing everything' and then maybe I start looking for evidence. My boyfriend keeps telling me that it's natural not to just be able to pick up music where I left off after several years of not playing, but I just end up thinking 'but what if I can never play again?'
As for my performance at work - well, I have very low concentration at work unfortunately so I actually make loads of mistakes through a lack of focus! But fortunately I've got a really supportive boss who knows I'm putting the effort in
Thanks again for your advice, I'll try to keep my mind off it! Thinking back, I remember the same thing happening in my mid teens. I was still working and trying hard but my results dropped by four grades and I was scared then too. It's just my concentration being bad
Hi anxiousrecoverer. People with anxiety often suffer with "brain fag". The inability to concentrate is the result of a tired mind and is definately not permanent. As your mental energies return you will be back to normal but you do need to rest your mind as much as possible. Do not take on any work that requires too much mental effort (if you can). Physical rest is not really necessary as exercise is good for the mind. But this mental tiredness can be a real pain and cause a lot of upset and, worse of all, despair. Will it ever end etc. I agree with Karri. You sound bright enough so don't worry. It will all come back. It is like riding a bike; you never forget!. Best wishes. Jonathan.
I can relate to this post. When I am anxious which is alot of the time I feel as though everything that comes out of my mouth is stupid . I always put myself down too like I have an inferiority complex. I worry people judge me . When I was growing up my sister called me stupid and thick all the time and to some extent I think this has impacted on me. I did a degree a few years back so I know I can apply myself academically but I do think I am a bit dim in other ways , like I am really gullable and dont understand things I think I should like factual day to day stuff . I also cant understand people when they speak to me like I have to get them to repeat themselves before it sinks in. Feel like I am half asleep at times !
Hi rose12. Why people put others down is because, psychologically they feel inferior themselves. My wife was put down a lot by her father, consequently it took her well into adulthood to gain real confidence. If you are called stupid when young then you regard this as the truth because it usually comes from those to whom you look up. (Older siblings, parents, grandparents etc.) Your degree was done by YOU and the achievement is yours, not anyone else. All the symptoms you describe are the result of what I said in my previous blog. Mental tiredness. It does pass if you do not overdo the mental efforts you may be called upon to undertake. Good luck. Jonathan.
I am also experiencing the same thing from the time I have hitted puberty . Every time I develop my smart nes and intellect it gives me fera of losing something which is very precious in our mind . I have lost my ability and everything . It sounds quite non sense but it is true . I m fed up of this thing happening with me . I am always afrraid that I will lost and have lost it I fight hard to forget that fear but somehow it comes in my mind that I m losing it. At last I always lose my intellegence and epople started hating me saying that you are noe a dunb person . At that moment I always remind that I was an intellegent person but now I am not . I always feel regretful that why am i this type of person . I feel that I am pointless.I always think that as you said that you read your old written messages and find it more smarter than you are now . Plzz anyone suggest me some solutions
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