Feeling very sad today

[rouri]

sorry all but i thought i will just express how i feel or i will just explode, i am feeling very sad today and crying, i just wake up feeling nostalgia and was checking my facebook and came across my ex who is getting married soon, my heart just sank and can't stop crying!!!

the girl is younger, prettier and has a great job of being general manager of her own company!!

feeling like i failed my life, like i did not finish my uni and i am in my thirties now working in a payroll office, it feels i haven;t achieved anything in my life, and my ex left cz i am not smart enough!! am so sad, we were best friend for long time before dating me and my ex and when we broke up we wanted to stay friends but his gf now did not let him see me although i will never cross the line but she just took him away!!! they broke up few times and every time he start talking back to me and tell me horrible things about her, suddenly i haven't heard from him for a long period just to come back after few months saying they are back together and getting married!!! when they broke up few times they stayed friends while he was dating someone else, so how come she wouldn't let him speak to me?? she did not apply the same rule on her!!

i miss him so much and upset from him that he could give up our long friendship just cz he told him so!!!

sorry for that today but i just wanted to express my sadness, no one else will listen am very very sad

[hedgecrone]

You are bound to feel intense grief, longing and regret with all that you've been through. It must have been a terrible shock to discover they are getting married. Anyone would feel the same! But as you know, the past is done and you will only torture yourself by living in it. The question is, how to deal with your feelings now?

You need to allow yourself grieving time; also learning to accept that you are going to feel pain and sadness for some time, possibly. I would recommend Mindfulness meditations, which help you focus on your breathing, following the breath in and out and noticing what emotions you feel and how they affect your body. Just notice them, without judging them, and say to yourself, Ok, I am feeling sadness/anger/resentment/bitterness...and notice the sensations in your body....maybe an ache in your chest, stomach or pain or unpleasant feelings in your solar plexus or stomach? Just say to yourself, I am feeling an ache/pain, but it will pass....try to explore the feeling gently and with compassion. Accept that it is there now, and that it's OK not to like it but for now, it is there. This is called Radical Acceptance (google it!).

I hope you can find ways of living with your pain. I feel for you. Be kind to yourself.

[rouri in reply to hedgecrone]

thx for your professional reply, i should probably take some time to release my tension as i always blocked the idea of getting upset and came back to hunt me now!! i used to be stronger than that but anxiety made me weak.

i will research the above and try to practice.

thx xx

[ellabella]

Hi Rouri, I feel for you too. I've been through something very similar to you and felt I had lost the love of my life. I now realise I was played for a fool.....hard to believe at the time , in fact impossible. I won't be fooled again and now wonder what I ever saw in the lies and sheer cowardice of the person concerned. Don't envy her ... for he will do it again. He will hurt her as he has hurt you. Time is a great healer Rouri . It might take a while but believe me. Hedgecrone is right, it's ok to feel broken, be good to yourself and I am going to look into Radical Acceptance myself. I do hope you feel stronger soon pet, take care xxxx

[rouri in reply to ellabella]

hi love, thx for your reply, it is very upsetting but i need to recover somehow as this is making my anxiety worse. is just i couldn't believe and the way he used to talk about her to me every time they broke is shocking, i used to tell him off sometimes, cz i felt if he talks about her in bad meaning he talks about me behind my back as well!!! and he came back to her now to be married!!! this life sometimes makes me wonder!!!

he was just very dear to my heart and best friend as a male friend but now he just gone!!!

thx again

big hug

xx

[milo1]

HI ROURI it looks like your relationship was not to be and of course you will be sad at hearing he is getting married but you are a very smart and intelligent lady dont put yourself down i am sure you will meet someone yourself soon and settle down are you going out today phone a friend and perhaps meet up for a couple of hours i will speak to you later x x

[rouri in reply to milo1]

hi love, thx for your kind words, i don't know why i look down on myself all the times, i should be stronger is just doubts and self confidence makes me behave like that!! i went to church this morning and prayed for all of us here on this site, i get to know you all and you are part of my life now and i would love if everyone recover and be happy!!!

my best friend lives in Paris and others in here busy with their lives, they go out a lot and i don't cz of my anxiety, i just think it is better off relax than all the noise in the city!!!

miss u love

big hug xx

[getactive in reply to rouri]

I am so sorry for your pain this happened to me after 10 years of marriage and I must admit it took along time to get over it but I did and life picks up. Do the people at your Church help and support you? Do they know the state you are in? I ask this because I am very fortunate to be part of a very caring Church where we all love and support each other, I still have a lot of health issues but I do feel supported. You do not say if you have children I take it that you dont. Where abouts in the country are you?if you dont mind me asking. I really pray that you can get the support you need and take care Sue xx

[rouri in reply to getactive]

hello love, thx for your support, you are very sweet. people at the church do not know of my situation, i don't show it, i don't like to worry them. i don't have children, i was never married maybe one day i am not sure!!

i am sorry for your health issues, we all do in here but i hope we all recover or have some sort of relief soon.

i live in croydon surrey not bad. thx for your prayers i very much appreciate that

love

rouri xx

[rose12]

I can't help feeling that he will regret this decision and will want you back in his life at some point. That will then be up to you. People have to follow their own path I guess but it is never good to be dictated to by someone else. Sounds like he is not "allowed" to be friends with you becasue you are a threat (there is a close history) I can relate to this a bit as my sons Dad and I were friends even when we split up but his girlfriend is so insecure he is not allowed to even step foot in the door and believe me I am no threat at all to her.

Don't be sad, feel good that you are a nice person

Love Rose x

[rouri in reply to rose12]

Hi Rose,

Thank you for your sweet message. I was feeling very upset after seeing their pictures but today I am feeling better.

What is wrong with these guys nowadays that can't tell the right from the wrong person? Honestly I am just speechless.

I lost all my respect to him, I used to love him a lot and I think I still if I get upset but I just refused to see him last time, he wanted to see me behind her back and I made it clear last time that I will not see him secretly, what for? If I see him for a chat why I need to hide it? He is so scared from her, no personality; although he is very smart and has a great position but as my mum says some guys have their eyes in their bum (excuse my French).

He made me feel a bit inferior to her, I don't a company like her, in fact I was forced to work from early age and people took advantage from me, since I was 14 I used to earn my own money and taken away by my father. Her parents gave her everything on a gold plate and bought her the company that she is the general manager to now!!! My childhood was horrible, could not concentrate on my studies much, so I don't hold a degree but I think I am smart and very good person, so this was not enough for him. He wanted someone with a good position like her that fits with his standards and within the family (his own words) he hurts me a lot and at the same didn’t know that he did, he will live to regret this I know, he is not the type the person that likes to be controlled and she is controlling him big time. Can you imagine they live overseas and she still doesn't let him see me? I am threat to her wit millions of miles away???

Every time used to break up with her, he come back to me and start talking about her, which is weird because now I can conclude that he was saying horrible things about his future wife? He even told me that her image is not good as mine? I couldn't believe my ears? If he talks about her meaning that he talks about me behind my back as well!!!

Last month send me email asking me to see him as he is coming to London, I didn't reply to his email, I don’t want to see him behind her back and that's final, he thought he can play around before getting hitched!! Shame on him!!! I told our mutual friend and he agrees with me, he couldn't believe what he done to me. He used to tell him too many horrible things about her as well and he just gone mental when he said they getting married!!! Since then he forbid him to tell him any stories about her or his private life!!!

The picture I saw on Sunday is looking sad in it, although they were attending a wedding, he will regret this but it will be too late.

I just felt like I am almost in my mid-thirties and haven’t done anything amazing, I don't own a company or amazing post, I just have a normal job, and I have a feeling I will never be able to find someone that will love me the way I am!!!

Sorry for my bla bla bla, I just poured my heart and you will understand!!!

Big big hug

Love

rouri

[rose12 in reply to rouri]

Hi Rouri

I am going to just talk straight to you if thats ok. I can see aspects of myself in you and feel very strong about what I am going to say so I hope thats ok to speak open and honestly to you .

I understand you have an emotional attachment to this person but honestly you need to let him get on with it. I have had enough experience to know.

Maybe he needs the attention, I dont know , maybe he is insecure , doesn't mean to upset you ......and so on .......but the bottom line is he is upsetting you so walk away.

Surround yourself with honest open people who dont confuse you or play with your emotions. If you cant find any, be on your own and join a social group of something you enjoy and make new friends. You don't need your energy drained by other people .

My second point is this....

It is not good to measure yourself on social / career status / academic ability / financial status etc . I know society is like this but some of the biggest idiots fall into this cataegory. Feel sorry for people who have to judge people on this scale.

The best people are those who are secure enough to know they are worthy and value others in the same light regardless of their achievements, social ranking etc. It is a person's heart and soul that matters and that is it .

Sending a positive vibe your way so that you will see this and start to value who you are.

Rose x

[rouri in reply to rose12]

so very true, thx sweet very much appreciate your reply

thx for the positve vibe i needed it

big hug

rouri