Please god help me!

[Pickle165]

im really struggling at the moment, i spent most of last night crying and during the night. the depression has hit a low and the anxiety just follows. it was triggered off by me reading certain peoples pages on facebook......longstory! ive really suffered with bullying in the past and suprisingly enough my own siblings, it has caused me so much heartache and knocked the last little bit of confindence i had left. why are people so crue? i have never written a blog in my life so excuss the rambling. today is going to be a ttough one i know as i feel i have no support at all. i know this sounds very morbid but if i could take a pill just go to sleep and never wake i would do it. thanks for listening.xxxxx

[Hidden]

Hey Sam your not alone there are a lot of people here to help you on here.If you feel that low go to your doctor for some help dont struggle by yourself Are you on any medication that will help you through this bad time love.We all have days like this I've had a week of it and Im still struggling through it its awful awful feeling but you have got through this before and you will get through this today just message me or blog we will help each other through the day x

[GeordieGirl]

Hi Sam1981, I'm really sorry you are feeling so bad today ...

I know how isolating it can be not to get on with your family, in my case it's like a great big hole in my life that I'm constantly trying to fill - always looking for that perfect life that doesn't exist - its exhausting trying to find it all of the time!! I'm not in contact with any of my family right now as I don't connect with any of them - feel like I come from a totally different gene pool sometimes - the only thing that keeps me going is my partner. He is so full of life and emotionally supportive!! I still find it so lonely and isolating though. My family would support me in any way other than emotionally - they are totally scared of emotions and don't like going there at all!! It's lonely isn't it when you feel like your own flesh and blood want to gang up against you?? Has it been going on for a long time? People are cruel - sometimes they know they are doing it and sometimes they don't. I've suffered with bullying in the past - don't think some people really know how much it can effect you - just makes you feel so small and insignificant! . Don't worry, you aren't rambling - you're just expressing how you feel, which is a good thing I've been there with the pill thing too a few years ago - don't worry about it sounding morbid, its good to talk about how you feel and to share .. I've never done it, but felt that desperate at the real low times in my life that the thought passed through my mind ... feels unbearable doesn't it? Like the easiest thing to do is take the pill, go to sleep and then there is nothing to worry about anymore..... it's a very permanent thing though and you don't deserve to feel like that - none of us do. You aren't alone, please remember that..... xxxx

[Pickle165 in reply to GeordieGirl]

thank you for a lovely reply, it always does hit you harder when its your own flesh and blood your right. thank you for making me feel less alone. x

[Simonjc in reply to Pickle165]

and if your family are so inconsiderate that they cannot help you through this awfull time, you need to be here for your babies, look after yourself love and if you need meds take it, I dont care if I have to take it for the rest of my life, even if there is a stigma to it, so what it gives me some kind of a normall life.

[Hidden]

Hi Sam, Aw you poor thing. I'm sure so many people can relate to wanting to take a pill and go to sleep for a really long time just to get away from these feelings...if you could wake up after a month and feel great wouldn't it be amazing?

Telling us all what you're feeling is a massive step because you're sharing rather than internalizing it all! I'm having a rubbish few days and my doctor took me off my antidepressant so I am having mad mood swings! We'll get there! xxx

[milo1]

hi sam sorry to hear your feeling so rough like sharoniou said have you any meds i think you should get to your doctor today please dont put it off any longer will be thinking of you all day let us know how the rest of your day goes x

[Pickle165 in reply to milo1]

ive got through the day with diversions and im happy the day is nearly over, thank you for your support x

[Hidden]

How you doing Sam x

[Pickle165 in reply to Hidden]

HI sharonlou, thank you for your feedback, i have spent most of the day in bed cos thats all i feel i can handle. had an anxiety attack at lunch but it past thankfully and i distracted myself on the nintendo ds, god i sound such a sob in bed all day playing a computer game. i like nodding off as well if i can relax enough, being asleep is like it all does not exsist. how are you coping? thank you for being so supportive when you have your own problems. x

[Hidden in reply to Pickle165]

Hi i do that also go to bed as that is my escape hope you manage some sleep Im still struggling but trying to relax you keep strong tomorrow another day x

[Pickle165 in reply to Hidden]

i have been trying this ipod download i got from itunes called anxiety free hypnosis:by erick brown, i listen to it through the night on repeat and light a lavender insence stick and it seems to help a bit. thank you xxxxxxxx

[Pickle165]

thank you all for being so supportive when you are all struggling yourselfs, the people on here are amazing and deserve better. x

[Hidden]

Sam - please if you feel suicidal you need help..don't sit in silence alone...you need to go see your GP.

[milo1]

hi sam how are you feeling today hopefully a little better thinking of you x

[Pickle165 in reply to milo1]

im getting there.....thank you x