Depression? I don't know what to do?

[Mandy26]

For quite a while now (I would say almost year) I have felt slightly different to my usual self. I have always been a highly stressed person, but also knew how to have fun and look on the bright side of things. When I met my partner he always said how refreshing it was to meet somebody with a fresh mind and approach to things. However yesterday, we sat and spoke about how bad our relationship has become because I'm distant, never want to do anything and am constantly angry. Like I am a completely different person.

I see everything as a chore, work, walking the dog (although I enjoy walking) making tea, even having a conversation sometimes. All I seem to want to do is sit in silence and read, go to bed, watch rubbish TV.

I've also started to develop slight OCD tendancies. I'm terrible with money...I spend £5 on my lunch and you'd think I'd cleared out my bank account. I've become very picky with food, having cravings and having to stick to them rather than eat what we have in.

I do become very frustrated because I am quite a strong minded person, and I would think I could get myself out of this cloud I seem to be sitting in, but I really don't know how to.

We have just booked a break to Scotland to try and spend some time together. This is my favourite place and an absolute comfort to me, yet the minute we pressed 'book', I panicked about the weather, what if we crash...I can't even find joy in one of my favourite things but I am pushing myself to be excited and deep down I know I can't wait to go.

Sorry this is such a ramble, but my question is, what should I do? I feel so stupid being 25 and acting like my whole world is crumbling when I know I should be thankful for everything. I do have moments where I look at my life and think 'I'm so lucky' and I have a moment of inner calm. Then I wake up the next day and I'm back to normal. I think work plays a huge part in things for me so I don't want to go to the doctors if this is related to one thing?

Any advice would bre greatly appreciated.

x

[Hidden]

Hi Mandy,i totally empathise with you,this is exactly how I feel,i cannot find any joy and excitement out of anything and everything feels like a chore! I hate it,im frightened i will never feel the same as i used to,i have 2 children and i find i it difficult to enjoy doing things with them,im 30 and this should be the most exciting time of my life! My husband is wonderful but even find it difficult to enjoy time with him!......im not at work at the moment but my job is a good one although stressful......i would just like to enjoy everything in my life again...even the little things! Always here to chat x

[Mandy26]

Hi Kitty, Thank you for your reply. It's always good to have somebody to talk to. I feel like every day is a wasted day because I have no good memories as I blight everything with my negativity. And as you say with your husband, I also struggle to enjoy my time with my partner and he's questioned whether I want to be with him which makes me feel terrible.

Do you sometimes feel you are on autopilot? I come in from work, walk the dog, make tea and then go to bed. It's like everyday is just a push to get the routine things done. I used to enjoy doing this. I love my dog, I like cooking, but now, I get frustrated that I have to even do them sometimes.

x

[Hidden]

I agree i feel like everyday is wasted,its so difficult. My husband always questions me whether i still love him and want to be with him,but that actually makes me feel worse to feel he thinks like that! Ive been off work 4 weeks now and have not had anytime for me im still juggling my time getting the children to school and doing things for them and just living life rather than doing things and enjoying it.....i never have me time,god only knows what id be like at the moment if i was at work aswell!..... I cant even bare to nip to tesco and do any shopping,do the housework or cook a meal its such an effort....and i hate it but i just feel like im stuck in this bubble or as you say "cloud" at the moment xx

[Mandy26]

Hi kitty, It's like I am reading about myself reading your reply (minus the children - I'll replace that with a dog in my case lol) I say that to my partner all of the time, 'I never have me time'. I run around doing everything and before you know it the day is over and I become bitter that the 'chores' have left me with no time to relax.

As an example, I went out for a meal with my family on Saturday whilst my partner went walking with our dog. I got in around an hour and half before him. I tidied up for him coming home and eventually sat down to watch one of my programmes. He rang half an hour later and said he was on his way back. I then had to get up, get changed, stop what I was doing and go to the supermarket for food. I then got in and cooked tea. That was it, my 'me time' was gone. The house was full again and I had chores to do. When we first got together I used to love having the house nice for him if I was in early, and I used to love cooking and asking about his day, but I was bitter that him returning home stopped me from having time to myself and I held it against him. He hadn't pushed me to get food, he hadn't demanded that I made tea. So although I was annoyed I was stood thinking, Why? What has he actually done?

I'm aware I'm being quite selfish but I struggle to stop feeling that way.

x

[Hidden]

Yesterday my husband was out,i had the children to look after,and planned to do some housework whilst they were playing,but it ended up that they were being naughty and i ended up getting none of my jobs done!....this frustrated me as it was my little task for the day and i never succeeded! But felt like my day was wasted!...my husband asks "what have you been doing all day?" but i feel the time passes so quickly and by the time im motivated to do anything the day is gone. I end up saying ive done nothing,he tries to motivate me but i think hes doing it in the wrong way,as i feel worse and feel pressured into doing things!.....i wish i could change my mindset but i just cant.....its so hard and dragging on day by day now! Xx

[Mandy26]

Have you been to the doctors at all for the way you're feeling or have you spoken to somebody about it?

x

[Pickle165]

HI mandy, i suffer with depression and it is really hard to find enjoyment in anything, sometimes i think even if i won the lottery or met the queen it wouldnt make a bloody difference. and it is a huge strain on all relationships, me and my boyfriend are clashing right now over it and i hate to say it but its a huge chire just to talk about it! i do take anti depressents which take the edge of but i stick to the lowest does cos i dont want to become a robot. x

[Mandy26]

Hi Sam. What made you take steps to look into battling depression. What did you go through that made you think you needed help?

I don't know what to do? Part of me thinks I can just get on with it but everyone around me keeps telling me that I've been like this for ages and I'm not getting any better.

Sorry to hear your relationship is struggling. It's horrible how it effects other people. I love my partner to bits but I struggle to show it.

x

[Hidden]

I got to breaking point,my doctor has helped me,been signed off work on antidepressants but everything takes time ive been told!....how much time who knows?!......ive battled depression before and came out on top but it took a long time!......this anxiety thing has bought on depression,but ive had to keep goin back to the GP time after time!......but you have to have time out to think about yourself and get yourself better....i just wish loved ones wud try and understand for my sake! Xx

[gasman]

do you feel like you in a buble half the time with it i think of it as being in acar if you wind down the window you can feel whats going off around you and you feel alive if that makes sence . most of my time i feel like in a this buble and i cant concentrate on whats going off around me its so frustrating its like im in my own world

[Mandy26 in reply to gasman]

Hi Gasman. Yeah in a way I suppose that's how I feel. I get frustrated also. It's like I don't have the motivation to be part of what is going on around me which fuels my negative feeling. I just watch everyone get on with what they're doing whilst I sit still and mope about things.

[gasman in reply to Mandy26]

hi mandy

thanks for your reply hope you feel better soon

[Hidden]

It's the reason, behind the reason - what is the root cause and the deepest emotion behind this that is causing the physical response which is under the production of monoamines "happy chemicals"

[Mandy26 in reply to Hidden]

Hi John, hope you're well. My root cause I think is envy and bitterness. I've not done a lot with myself over my young years and I'm now left looking at everyone around me getting on with things whilst I'm worrying that I don't have enough time left to make a difference to my life. I feel pushed in so many different directions and eventually I just crumple into a stressed heap. I'm unable to just 'get on with things' without looking into everything too much. I want the perfect life but I want it tomorrow.

[F_Shadow1]

Hi Mandy, yeah can defintely relate to this- something you mentioned there really strikes a chord, I tend to rush through the 'mundane' stuff like cooking/washing up/cleaning etc etc after i come home from work and then sit there having done all that feeling depressed because I have nothing "fulfilling" to do... so why did I rush the 'mundane' stuff in the first place?! I don't know if mindfulness would help your situation, experience has been mixed for me but maybe talking to someone who knows more about it than me may help.

I'm 25 too i know where you're coming from, i've had anxiety attacks before because i've been stressed about being too anxious because i'm too young and should be grateful for stuff! :S

[pccogni]

Hi Mandy,

Firstly, you are far from being silly about expressing the way that you do, don't ever think that. You have to look out for yourself and if you are feeling depressed, then say how you feel to whoever it needs to be. I have experenced all of your symptoms and I have found the triggers and what is make my mind race at 100 miles an hour with all the OCD, Anxiety, Depression and my moods!! I think I mentioned on another post that I finally gave in and when to the Dr's and am on medication now that has helped with the my moods for sure, still anxious and depressed though but this may take a while to calm down, i am keeping in contact with my GP and telling him honestly how i feel. My family have a history of depression and such like so i am wondering if i have always had such things but just not came out full blown until recently, i thinki was denying myself that i was depressed and anxious, I think what did not help me was that I have a degree in Psychology, have counselling skills and I am a life coach and thought i knew best for myself but did not have the strength to apply certain aspects of CBT etc to myself. I am starting to slowly do so and it is helping, like not to sit too long in the same place doing the same thing, have a break and do something else to upset the cycle. I have so much that I could share and try and help you with, let me know if you need any support or a chat