Anxiety about communicating to date

[Needcakegirl]

Hello all.

I had a first date /dinner with a guy over the weekend. Although I was a bit late, everything was great during the date, i.e. conversation and all...even conversation leading up to the date. My concern though is that he did not ask if i made it home safely. When I thanked him for the nice evening, he was responsive and kind and asked what I was doing. He called the next day generally asking how I was doing, but he never asked "did you make it home safely?" I do remember him also hinting at seeing my place. Weird fact, we live in the same condo building, but have never been inside of each other's place before...

I've never had a guy not ask if I made it home safely and it makes me concerned about continuing to deal with this guy. Weird thing is during conversation at dinner, he mentioned that he likes to lead in relationships and so far he had done well in terms of planning this date. We were supposed to go out a few weeks ago, but I got sick and told him I'd love to reschedule so he did.

Right now though I want to communicate the fact that him not asking if i made it home safely bothered me a great deal, because it did. Because I've been working this week I hadn't had time to really process how I was feeling. Plus I wanted to give him time to see if he would mention anything about it... He hasn't.

So I'd love feedback and opinions around whether to call or will a short text suffice mentioning how I felt about that missing detail. And, should I bring it up later if we happen to discuss seeing each other again. Otherwise, I am feeling annoyed and don't want to keep seeing him with this feeling I have(annoyed, bothered, kind of upset, sad, etc and having trouble relaxing to go to sleep...). I feel like if he sincerely liked me he would've instinctively asked if i made it home safe... again, even though we live very close and he asked if I wanted to ride with him , I told him thanks but I would drive and meet him at the destination...(because I don't know him that well yet).

Thanks for any feedback.

[Xene]

Hi, yes it would have been nice to ask if you got home ok but if you both live in the same building how far did you have to go to get back? What struck me as strange in your post was that he said “He likes to take the lead in relationships.” Do you know what he exactly meant by that? Just sounds odd to me.

[Needcakegirl in reply to Xene]

Thanks Xene. The destination was about 20 minutes from where we live, but we didn't follow each other and it was night time. For clarity, I am a pretty secure woman and independent for the most part. However, I like to now that a man I'm dating is courteous enough to ask about me getting home. He has checked on me plenty though previously when I was home sick.

Regarding his comment, he said that during dinner when we were speaking about our previous dating experiences. I was sharing that I was engaged previously and he asked what happened. I never tell men exactly what happened until we've established a more solid relationship. So I mentioned something about when I sense things that aren't good for me I don't stick around long, rather than trying to change men. He asked if I was ok with men taking the lead. I said, not at all if they make good decisions. At some point after that he said that he prefers to take the lead and if he can't lead, he prefers not to be in the relationship.

My response was something like, "oh...ok..." I was making a mental note that this topic seems really important to him...I wondered if something in his life made him so extreme. But yeah, that's what I recall about that comment.

[Xene in reply to Needcakegirl]

Right, I’m with you now. I think if it is worrying you tell him in whatever way you want. Nothing wrong with being upfront if something is bothering you. Great you’re pretty secure and independent, if or when you go out again maybe you can find out exactly what he means by taking the lead as usually it’s 50/50 if there was a relationship or else there could be problems. Let me know how it goes.

[Needcakegirl in reply to Xene]

Thanks so much.

I forgot to add that after I said " oh ok", I also said, "you do know that there will be times when your partner is better suited to take the lead on some things, right?"

He did say something like, "well yes, if there's something that the other person is more knowledgeable about or better at, then yes ..."

Nevertheless, if I keep seeing him then I'll eventually revisit the conversation.

[Dixie9326 in reply to Needcakegirl]

Wow, I think you’re way over thinking this! He called the next day so he was sure you made it home okay…You are sabotaging this relationship before it even begins..seeing a therapist may help you understand why you think he should think exactly the same way you do! And ask questions of concern because that’s what you desire. All you have to do is ask if he’ll call after your date to make sure you made it home safely! Does everyone check up on you every time you leave your house??? I’m truly not understanding where the problem lies???

[Needcakegirl in reply to Dixie9326]

Thanks Dixie. Yes I do overthink some things, not everything though.

However, yes I could be overthinking this current issue...especially since he's been such a gentleman in pretty much every other way. And I'm glad I didn't bring up the issue as I initially wanted to. Just fyi, I was never mad with him though and I didn't express that. He already asked to see me again. My response was that I agreed and told him that I'm looking forward to it ,while also joking about the checking on me thing, but I said it is important to me... because it is. He said yes definitely he would "continue" doing that and he actually thought he did, mainly because we did text that evening. I'm going to take the advice of many and chill with this issue for now.

Thanks for the feedback.