Some encouragement. If you’re looking for that.

[Christory77]

disclaimer I will be going into detail so if you might be triggered know that it does end well.

I started coming here around 2016. Anxiety had found me and I completely lost it. I let it take over and ended up spiraling for a few years. I would post how I was feeling, as many do and just hope that it would sort itself out. I like many others believed that what was happening to me was brand new and undiscovered.

Several people offered me tips that had helped them and I did my best to try. From reading books, to breathing, pushing myself to do things and even meditation. I did them all. I did find some relief and thought maybe the worst was behind me. I think we all tend to hope for that and allow ourselves to believe things we really want.

I had told myself I was adamant that medication wasn’t for me. I convinced myself that what I was going through was unique to me and therefor couldn’t be touched by something that was for everyone. In hindsight it sounds a little dumb, but when we are in the swamp known as anxiety rationale is a privilege.

I would come on this site and read through all of the posts I could find. Searching for medications and reading how they worked. I found a lot of people had a lot of opinions and the majority scared the 💩 out of me. Again I had convinced myself that what was happening to me had yet to be discovered and I was a pioneer who was in uncharted waters. 😂 sounds silly I know.

After years and years of struggling and fighting I reached out to a mental health expert to discuss meds. She prescribed me something and I told myself I was going to take it. Lies. I didn’t take it. Instead I again went with my narrative that what I’m dealing with no one knows how to treat so for me it’s best to just do the status quo. Then 8 months later, I got Covid for the first time. Which was a blessing.

I immediately called my Dr who prescribed paxlovid. Covid scared me so bad that I didn’t even hesitate and took the paxlovid. All of it. Which was huge for me. Once I finished that I started thinking about the anxiety meds. I took paxlovid and didn’t die so maybe I would be okay.

I reached out to my prescriber and scheduled an appointment. She asked if I had take. The meds and I said no. She didn’t judge or berate me. She just asked why. I told her and then said but Covid caused me to try one and now I feel emboldened. I asked her if she would be okay with me starting at a lower dose than she prescribed so that I could have a fighting chance to start. She agreed without hesitation and called it in.

I picked it up and took my first dose the next morning. I won’t lie the first couple weeks were horrible. I sincerely believe that I had created this narrative of how awful it would be and my anxiety just wanted to me to be right about something. I continued and in 3 weeks called back and upped the dose. Those next weeks were equally as horrible.

I had a rough few weeks from panic and anxiety to fear and crippling sadness. What had I done. I created this hole and just disappeared into it. Then after 2 weeks I noticed that the anxiety changed. It dodnt stop it just didn’t scare me anymore. It didn’t make me jump into the car and rush to the ER. Or have thoughts that I was dying. It was just this thing that I felt and I saw. Each week it was a little better.

Fast forward it’s been 7 months. I’m still on the medication and I really feel like a different person. Being able to have an anxiety attack and just experience it as opposed to being controlled by it is so freeing. I’ve been able to push myself to do big things. I went to NYC for the first time. I’m going across the country to L.A next month. I know that my journey will always have bumps but I also know that there is a way through them.

To anyone like me who thinks that what you have is unique and never seen before, I understand that. I encourage you to reach out to a professional and ask for help. If that leads you to meds be comfortable taking them. They are proven and well studied and when they work they really do work. I hope you all are able to have the same success.

[Agora1]

Hi my friend. It's not often I cry when reading a post but I did with yours.

I know it's been a long hard journey for you. I too use to think that I was

different. The doctors don't really understand what I'm feeling, how I'm

suffering. Too afraid to take medication and yet to afraid not too.

I would have bottles of prescribed medications on my pantry shelf, unopened,

waiting for something magic to come along. But would I have taken that magic

potion?? Probably not.

Like you when Covid came along I thought I would never take a med for it because

of it being so new, unlike our psychotropic drugs that have been around for a while

and approved by the FDA. (and yet we refused them)

But when I got Covid, I had my hand out for the medicine.

Maybe trusting for once that we needed help and were willing to

accept the chance that it would help us.

I'm sorry you had to go through Covid but am happy it turned your

beliefs around and allowed you to try a medication for Anxiety.

We can't feel better w/o trying something new. We just stay in a cycle of

fear begets fear and get nowhere.

You did it Chris and I couldn't be happier for your results.

Your life has and will continue to turn around. You opened the door to

the future. Enjoy every new adventure that awaits you. Congratulations xx

[Christory77 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much. For many things. Most of all always being selfless and encouraging. You are definitely a bright light in this world. I’m grateful for you.

[Agora1 in reply to Christory77]

And now I pass the torch to you. Your post will pay it forward to those who

never give up knowing that there can be a happy ending. With thanks xx