Something doesn't feel right.

[ImHere_Again]

I have stopped taking my anxiety medication for two years now. For the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling worse and worse. I can't seem to shake off my anxiety. Usually when I feel anxious it doesn't last for more than two weeks, but this time it seems to be getting longer and worse. When I get anxiety, I usually get either out of breath, heart starts racing or (the worst feeling) very dizzy and lightheaded. It's been weeks since I have felt, ok. I am disappointed in myself because I feel like I am going to have to start taking my medication again. I feel like every day is getting worse. I feel like I am here in the world, but I am not. I am afraid to go to work because I get dizzy or out of breath and then think I am going to pass out. I had a breakdown earlier today because I am so frustrated and annoyed. This is the same exact feeling I had seven years ago when I first had an anxiety attack. It took me two years to fully understand what I was going through. I couldn't do anything for the first years. Currently, I feel like the person I used to be. It took me a while to accept what I had and start taking medication for it. After I started taking medication I started to gain weight but I didn't mind because I was actually starting to feel better. I then started to feel more functional in life. I got a new job and started working out. I stopped taking medication when I started to feel better. Still, I sometimes still got anxiety but usually never lasted for more than two weeks. I am so disappointed and angry at myself because I feel like I need to start taking my medication again. It's currently 2 am, I woke up because something doesn't feel right. I feel like I and awake and living but my conscious is somewhere else. I don't feel like I am here. I feel a little scared. My body feels weak and shaky. I went to get blood work yesterday. After I get it done, I felt like I was going to pass out. All day yesterday I was very tense and emotional. I was off for Spring break from work and called the day off yesterday so I will be returning to work today so I am scared. I hope this feeling I have goes away soon. I haven't kept up with my work outs for the first time in years. I don't feel in the right state of mind to do my work outs. I don't want my family to worry so they don't know how I have been feeling, they don't understand my anxiety, anyways. I am afraid for what's to come. I am afraid I won't be able to fix myself quick. I tried going to my doctor but he is very dismissive I don't think he really understands me. I am going to try to get an ear and nose referral so I can get my ears checked for my dizziness. I have been hearing a lot of white noise in both my ears and just want to get that cleared off. The dizziness is the worse feeling, it's so scary it triggers my anxiety to another level especially when I am not home. I just hope I can get myself back to my feet and snap out of this bad dream I feel like I am having.

[Agora1]

Hi I'mHere_Again. I was reading your past posts and did notice that you had a 2 year lapse

before experiencing the same symptoms. You've been off medication for a while so it

doesn't sound like a breakthrough of side effects. However, it can be one of two things.

Having a physical can help eliminate any physical issues or secondly, it can happen

if and when stress got to a breaking point again.

Taking medication isn't the worst scenario but possibly a therapist can help you address

any new issues that have developed bringing your anxiety to a peak.

These all sound like anxiety symptoms, but know that you are doing the right thing

but having your doctor address the physical side of your symptoms. I wish you well :)xx

[Jeff1943]

ImHere_Again, with true respect, you are making the same mistakes with your high anxiety that most of us made before we learned where we were going wrong, made changes to our thinking and progressed to full recovery.

Too much introspection. Too much impatience to recover. The constant rejection of your symptoms. Not only fear but the fear of fear. Fighting your anxiety.

Of these, I would say that constantly rejecting your symptoms is the biggest mistake. Living in fear of the symptoms you describe causes more anxiety and fear. This releases excessive amounts of certain stress hormones that cause your nervous system to become over sensitised.

In this state every minor worry or concern is magnified ten fold. Every ache, pain or strange feeling must be the beginning of some waiting disaster.

This causes more anxiety, the release of more cortisol and adrenalin causing more over sensitisation of your nerves. And so the circle of self-inflicted angst rolls on and on.

May I suggest for a start you stop fighting your anxiety. Fighting only causes more stress and strain: the last thing your already sensitised nerves need.

The key to recovery is to stop rejecting your symptoms but to accept them for the time being. Let me repeat that as it's so important: Accept them for the time being. Stop fighting them and agree to co-exist with the bad feelings for the moment. Stop putting a stop watch on when you'll feel better. Cease the constant introspection: stop constantly checking yourself.

Agree to do nothing to combat your symptoms, engage in what is called 'masterly inactivity'.

In your heart of hearts you know that none of these symptoms you describe are signs of real illness. They are over-sensitised nerves playing tricks on you, they are fakes and frauds.

For reassurance you should see a doctor about the breathlessness, the dizziness, the racing heart, the depersonalisation. He or she may run a few blood tests. But when you are told all is well then accept this diagnosis, don't respond with 'they must have missed something'. Your symptoms are the result of self-inflicted nervous exhaustion.

So I say again, Accept all the awful feelings your jangled nerves throw at you. They are not real. They have no substance. They cannot kill you, disable you or send you crazy. They are a nothing. Why allow yourself to be bullied by a nothing?

So there is nothing to fear. Do not respond to the bad feelings with a flash of second fear when they come. Let them come. They can do you no harm.

By temporarily accepting the symptoms you describe, because you know they are toothless tigers, the flow of those stress hormones slows and ceases. Your nervous system is no longer being constantly sensitised, it returns to normal, the bad feelings yield.

Don't ask When? Whatever you do don't ask When? This would only show you are not Accepting. And it is going to take time.

Acceptance: hold that thought for as long as it takes. There is no magic wand, there are no instant cures that will make you 'snap out of it'. Giving yourself deadlines is only more pressure and you need less pressure.

Medications can be helpful if you've a job to hold down or a family to support but they only bring respite.

Acceptance brings cure.

[moggie8 in reply to Jeff1943]

Excellent said Jeff we all know how hard it is to accept but that's the cure when your worried how u feel it just fuels it try not to look for the absence of symptoms

[Trew73]

ImHere_Again, I was in a very similar situation about four years ago. I had been down the rabbit hole of my first anxiety diagnosis about six years prior to that. I worked with the medical team and finally found a medication that worked. I went to counselling and gradually started getting better. After about two years, once I truly stabilized, I began tapering off my medication. I was so proud that I had ‘beaten’ the anxiety and that I was now ‘better’.

Fast forward one year after that and I started to slip into all too well known symptoms. Like you, I got lightheaded, experienced depersonalization, had virtually constant anxiety and I spiralled back into a state where I once again needed help.

I knew I needed help again, but I was so disappointed in myself that I had let myself get to this state again. I felt weak, defeated and alone. I felt like a failure.

But, the reality is that after admitting that I needed help and reaching out, I got the help that I needed. Yes, I started a new medication and yes, I went through another couple of years of counselling (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), but I am now better than I have been in decades.

There is no shame in seeking help. Many, many people find themselves in situations just like yours. You are absolutely not alone, or unique in your feelings. It is scary as hell, but like the previous posters have indicated, fighting it does no good. You do not ‘beat’ anxiety. You have to work with it, manage it, accept it. It is a part of you. It has helped make you the wonderful person that you are. It does not, however, define you. You are so much more. As my very candid and blunt doctor once told me (in a very kind way), the sooner you accept that you are your problem - the way you think, the way you feel, etc., the faster you will start to heal.

You have not failed. You have learned. Please go and ask for some help and continue to learn. You will make progress. You will return. You will have bad days and you will have great days. But, you will always be you. So, please take care of that very special person.

I wish you the very best.

[designguy]

One of the other things you might consider about your anxiety is making sure your hormones, thyroid and adrenals are all functioning properly, i've been amazed at how much the whole endocrine system affects our mood. Also, your diet can make an impact so limit caffeine and junk food and alcohol.

[Fallin77]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know exactly what you are feeling even though I don't reject taking medication. I just haven't found a doctor who will prescribe me something that can help me. These are dreadful feelings you are going through and just like Jeff1943 said, I've learned that I have to accept it when it happens and I tell myself even if this attack lasts 30 min. I am still going to be alive afterwards, I just have to get though it even though I think I'm going to die at that moment.

[LemonyGrace]

Hi, Do you still have the dizziness acompanied by weak legs issue? This happenes to me too. Whenever i get accentuated dizziness I can feel some pressure in my left ear and a white noise. About a year ago woke up with blocked left ear after a flight. Since then it got better but still blocked at some degree. My anxiety got realy bad in february because of this. Had anxiety before but the attacks felt different. I didn't made the corelation then and my GP said its just anxiety. I think i was having some sort of vertigo attacks that went into panic attacks. Went to a specialist in May and said not to clean the ear and should be good in 3 months. He said all looks okay but no scan was done just an audio test. Got better to be honest but the diziness is still there. Also i've noticed that is more pronounced when the weather is changing or is more there if is raining. Thanks