social anxiety?

[berrycherry]

right now, im starting a new life in a new place. And im in an industry where its so so important to know people. but im having the biggest time putting myself out there. i feel awkaward and get a ruch of uneasyness and my heart is about to burst. Its been a few weeks so ive gotten to know a few people but i really feel like this isnt normal

also i have mad anxiety around parents of people i know. I think its trauma, but like so anxious to where i ca rationalize not using the bathroom or eating until they leave, which can be hours or the whole day

any tips?

[Superzob]

I apologise if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick, but what you seem to be describing is a form of social anxiety, which is more common than you might think; I read somewhere that about one third of the entire world’s population are introverts, and will therefore feel uncomfortable in social environments. I have certainly suffered from this all my life and got round it by treating everything as “business”; that might work for you at work, but unlikely around older people who you might find intimidating. It’s worth noting that everyone is a person first and their position in society (be that “boss”, “parent”, etc) second, so they will also have their own anxieties, even if they’re better at hiding them - that puts them at the same level as you.

There is a lot of peer pressure to conform and join in, even when you feel uncomfortable doing so; it’s probably best to involve yourself gradually, by being late or leaving early. The most important thing is not to try too hard - it’s too stressful and counter-productive. Everyone has something to offer in life and, as the old adage goes:”Be yourself - everyone else has already been taken!”

[designguy]

It does sound like you are dealing with social anxiety and for whatever reason(s) are believing things about yourself that aren't true and distorts your perceptions of others and how they perceive you. My suggestion is that you find a therapist that specializes in treating social anxiety and work with them to learn new skills and ways of thinking and if there isn't one near you there are online programs available. If you think you experienced trauma you might find a therapist that specializes in treating trauma, mine used emdr which was helpful for me. Also, you may be suffering also from low-self-worth and an inability to validate yourself which is common with those with trauma or social anxiety, there is a lot of good info on youtube about it. I particularly like Julia Kristina and Bernadette Logue.

[twilightlover44]

Hi! First of all, anyone would be uneasy and feeling out of place when you start over somewhere new. It’s a huge thing, show yourself some compassion for taking on such a big life change. I know I would be all over the place having to start over. I would suggest having smaller, more intimate hangouts with these new people you’ve met and get comfortable with them first so you feel like you have people you can trust. From there, you can try meeting more people or branching out. But remember we judge ourselves way harsher than other people are judging us, so you’re probably not coming across as awkward as you may feel. Rooting for you in this next chapter!