Social Phobia and AA Meetings?

[WilliamG]

I quit drinking a little over 3 months ago. I used alcohol to deal with my social isolation, severe SA, and my OCD. Over time, alcohol ended up making everything much worse. So I decided to quit drinking, but I have a hard time being a part of the meetings or the AA community. I’m terrified to turn my camera on in Zoom meetings, and I do my best to hide and avoid conversations at in person meetings. But when I’m called on to share, I go into a complete freak out. I slip into flight mode: my heart races, I stammer and lose my breath, and I say the most ridiculous things that don’t even make sense to me. Afterward, I end up beating myself up for hours (and even for days). No amount of “putting things into perspective” helps. I’m tempted to just pass if someone calls on me, but I really do want to be part of a sober community, though that feels far away right now. (And a side note: my therapist suggested that I actually share at an AA meeting that I’m terrified and socially anxious but still wanting to stay sober. I did share that three times, and it didn’t seem to make much of a difference.) Still, I want to work toward eventually being able to share, make connections, and have a sober community. I don’t know if anyone else has been through something similar or how you did it, but I’d be truly grateful for any feedback or advice based on what you’ve done. Experiences don’t need to be limited to AA. Thanks! (Mods: I don’t know if I’m posting this in the right place. If not, please feel free to delete)

[chrisb123]

Hey William,

I cannot help you or advise in relation to your drinking, but I will still congratulate you on your efforts to quit.

What I can suggest is that you clearly need some assistance with your social anxiety, this is something I am familiar with so I hope I can help.

If you are experiencing panic attacks and severe anxiety when confronted with a situation you really don't feel comfortable with, then the best thing to do is remove the physical symptoms from the equation, this one, is pretty easy. Talk to your doctor about prescribing you Propranalol, it’s a beta blocker, this medication will stop/ease the effect of the huge burst of adrenaline that your body releases when it goes into panic mode, this is what makes your heart race, your breathing feel restricted, shaking and your skin getting clammy. Once your remove the physical symptoms you will find it ALOT easier to control yourself and focus on the conversation in zoom meetings etc. By taking this medication 15 minutes before your zoom call, you should be in a better place to control the anxiety you feel.

Talk to your doctor, obviously they will know if that medication is suitable for you.

I hope you get everything worked out.

Also, I want to add, it is very unlikely anyone will be judging you in a AA meeting, people are seeking help, they are not looking down at you, they will most likely respect you for participating even though it clearly makes you feel uncomfortable.

Chris

[WilliamG in reply to chrisb123]

Thanks Chris, I had an appointment with my doctor today and brought up the med that you mentioned. She agreed that it would be worth a try. I’ll let you know how it goes.

[chrisb123 in reply to WilliamG]

Great, I hope it makes a real positive differance for you. Good luck on your recovery.

[Bill2020]

For years I tried to get over my fears of AA meetings. Without going in detail much what worked for me was baby steps. At first my goal was to stay to the end of the meeting before slipping out the door before the prayer. Then after a few weeks I made my goal to stay to the end but sit closer to the front of the room. I went to very large meetings in NYC so it was easy to hide out. Eventually I got the courage to gain a sponsor which helped me to openly discuss my fears . You sound like your way ahead of me when I was new.

[WilliamG in reply to Bill2020]

Good to hear that you found a way to make it work for you. Baby steps. That’s a hopeful thing for me to hear.

[Toddzen]

It's okay not to share at AA Meetings. It sounds like people are calling on you to share. That's not right. Sit in the back. I went to AA for ten years everyday. There is a positive Spiritual energy at meetings. I would sit in silence and feel that energy. It's okay to say pass. You're there for you not other people.

[WilliamG in reply to Toddzen]

Yeah, I have to remind myself that for now it’s enough to just listen and say pass if I’m called on. Thanks for reminding me of that.

[Cat33]

William your post brought tears to my eyes as I can feel your pain You have been amazing to give up drink

I'm glad that you have had some really good replies

I totally agree with baby steps as you keep going it will get easier and easier no one is there to judge you If you don't feel able to share then don't

I wish you all the very very best

[kenster1]

hi William welcome aboard we have a forum here called drink free and that forum will be of added support to you as well as here.

[WilliamG in reply to kenster1]

Thanks kenster, I just joined the forum.

[Livibird65]

Hi William,

I think a lot of people who appear very confident, to you, would struggle to talk at a meeting (any meeting).

I don’t know where you are geographically but where I live there are alternatives to AA. AA has its positives and negatives.

You don’t need to share anything, ever. People share to give others hope. You don’t need to go to meetings although it helps some people to stay away from their first drink. You don’t need to believe in God, or even a higher power to stop drinking and get comfortable with abstinence. Whilst some people need all of those things, others don’t. I’m not sure if you have SMART groups near you.

Good luck and have 100% faith in yourself that you can live well without Alcohol.