Extremely anxious about a New Years party coming up.

[Purpleracehorse113]

So this weekend I got invited to a New Years party from a pretty close friend. You’d think I would be excited for it, but this friend of mine is just EXTREMELY outgoing and charming and for some reason I always get particularly jealous and annoyed whenever I see him acting this way. Either way, I know he’s gonna probably pressure me to find a “New Years kiss” with some girl, and if I don’t succeed I know he’ll definitely look down on me which is really bothering me to think about.

Since I work from home and most of my friends live pretty far away, social interactions in general are pretty few and far between which means my social savviness is pretty nonexistent these days. I don’t know why I get so jealous of my friend and also why his approval or lack thereof means SO much to me.

[Purpleracehorse113]

Hey there, thanks for your comment! That’s really helpful.

I talked to this friend before about my sensitivity, although admittedly I think it was just one time and it was sort of a while ago at this point. He was receptive to it which was nice, but even so, it seems like every time we hang out it’s basically the same thing—we meet people he has connections with, have a few drinks, and then he pretty much demands attention the entire time while also hinting that I *should* and *can* be more outgoing to get more attention myself. Idk it just feels a little pointless since at the end of the day I KNOW he’s going to always want the most attention no matter what, so it feels weird trying to essentially compete with him like that.

I decided to go to this New Years party as basically one last test, to see if maybe I’ll end up having an okay time despite having very low expectations. Plus there’s always the “exposure” angle, where I could view this as a memorable experience that will be expose me to some of my fears.

It really is hard, though, trying to decide what exactly to do about my friendship with him. I can’t tell if continuing to hang with him would ultimately be good for me and my confidence in the end, or if maybe we just don’t have much in common after all and I’m better off spending time with more chill & less competitive people.

[Cat33]

I'm so sorry that your friend makes you feel the way you do You shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything

Don't feel jealous of him I'm sure people see you as a sensitive and kind person and have qualities that he doesn't have who knows he might feel jealous of you

I know it's hard as it's obviously something you feel so much

Just go to this party be you and enjoy it Usually when I dread going to something it turns out to be a really lovely time

Sending you hugs

[Purpleracehorse113 in reply to Cat33]

Thank you for the support! It’s nice to be reminded that I don’t NEED to feel jealous. I think a lot of my jealousy comes from this innate feeling that I should feel jealous of him, almost as a weird defense mechanism or something. It’s like I view him as being objectively better than me at xyz, which means definitely I am an inferior person to him. You know what I mean?

[Purpleracehorse113]

Thank you for further insight! I did actually think about this other times, but this time I believe we’re going to be riding together both to and from the party so that probably wouldn’t be doable.

Since we are riding together, though, that’s also got me wondering some things. I have a feeling that he mighttttttt(?) have picked up on my more lukewarm feelings toward him these days, I can’t exactly tell though, so of course I’m a bit anxious if that might come up on our drive. I suppose it could be good if it did, but of course it stresses me out a little just thinking about it. I guess i’m just rambling at this point haha.

[Cat33]

Yes I do know what you mean very well We are all different but no one is inferior to anyone else We all have qualities and strengths I'm sure there are things you can do that he can't

He might act all outgoing and charming but that doesn't mean he is any better than you or anyone else

Hold your head high and be proud

I'm an oldie now and you will look back and think why on earth did I think that way I promise

There are loads of videos on You Tube about self esteem there may be words on there that will help you

I did see one of your replies said about going to the party and if you don't like it then come home I totally agree with that

Wishing you all the very very best

Be kind to yourself and look at the lyrics of The Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston they are so true x