Accepting Love

[SurvivingEveryday]

I have a very unique "bad family" situation. So complicated that I will not digress the tangle here. However, I am wondering if anyone else has had trouble relating to others, because of the way (the trauma) that you have experienced from your family in the past.

For Example: My siblings continually put me down, criticized me, abused me and gave me significant trauma over the years. Now that I am married to a wonderful partner, their siblings and family reach out to me and give me the love/acceptance/kindness that I never received, and I find it so foreign that I do not believe them, and question their motives.

It is beginning to wear on me because I feel so broken and so unlovable, and when they love me it makes me feel weird.

How do you deal with this? Manage it?

[Zeldor1]

For me, there have been two aspects, first an active effort to reframe the narrative in your head every time it comes up. Instead of just giving in to the "default programming", remind yourself that this is the past talking to you, and these current people in your life are not all wrong, you -are- worthy and lovable and they value you and see it!

Secondly, take action in the world to counteract the "broken" narrative. No one ever feels better about themselves sitting on the couch watching TV all day in isolation. Be an active participant in the world, be kind, help others, volunteer, seek out a program for kids with difficult backgrounds, be the person to others that you wish you had earlier on in life. This is a scientifically proven thing, that feeling useful and contributing to society builds self-esteem and self-worth from the inside. Once you have your own cup full on the inside, external validation won't have such an effect on you one way or the other. All the best! <3

[Ramsbird]

You need try and move forward learn to love yourself hiun xxx