Convinced I'm dying

[Jennyssmith1985]

Hi there, I'm new to the group and stumbled upon it by of course using Dr. Google. I'm grateful I found this forum as it has put my mind at ease. I have suffered from health related anxiety and ocd but went off of meds about a yr ago as things seemed to be doing OK. About 10 days ago I wound up in the er with what I thought was a heart attack but after 2 good looking ekgs and having my troponin levels checked twice I was released with what they believe was a panic attack. Since I was released with knowing it wasn't a head attack but no answers as to what was wrong I've been suffering with crippling anxiety everyday since. I went to the er yesterday thinking I had a brain Aneurysm, it was a migraine. Now today I've had chest pain. And leg pain, pain in the left side of my throat and my calves feel tight but aren't swollen. I am fearful to go to sleep because I'm afraid I won't wake up. I'm starting meds again tomorrow but need help getting me through the night

[mrmonk]

Hello and welcome to this HealthUnlocked community. I just wanted to write and say you are definitely not alone in your anxiety. The nights are awful, I know. I was in the ER in the wee small hours about a week ago with pains in my chest and left arm, shortness of breath, tachycardia, palpitations -- the works -- but all the tests came back okay, so I was released with a referral to get a stress test.

I'm still a nervous wreck, but now I'm also worried I may have been exposed to the coronavirus while at the ER -- I haven't been vaccinated yet and I had to lower my mask twice for temperature checks (the masked nurse had a slight cough).

I recently stopped taking mirtazapine, the medication I was prescribed for anxiety and trouble sleeping, because I was concerned that if I was experiencing cardiac issues, it might be contributing to them. May I ask what medication you'll be starting tomorrow?

[Jennyssmith1985 in reply to mrmonk]

Wow, I'm so happy someone responded! I'm laying here trying to calm myself down by reading these posts. I'm glad to head ur hospital visit turned out OK but sorry about your feelings about your possible exposure to covid. I will be started Luvox (fluvoxamine) my psychiatrist put me on it a few years back for my ocd. It ended up working well with my health related anxiety because I feel a pain or symptom and start obsessing about what it is and all the ways I'm going to die due to it. I'm so miserable, I'm tired. Nights are pretty bad. When my body goes through the "falling asleep" process I'm convinced that's me dying. How are you feeling right now?

[mrmonk in reply to Jennyssmith1985]

So far, I'm feeling relatively okay tonight, thank you for asking. I have OCD, too, so I know that feeling of how one bad thought spirals into another and another. I always have so many tabs open on my browser -- Mayo Clinic, WebMD, Wikipedia articles on aortic dissections...a thousand and one ways my body can kill me.

I'm sorry you're going through something similar with your anxiety. I wish I knew of something that could make the night a little easier or go by faster. There is some comfort in knowing there are others walking the same murky path. When I discovered HealthUnlocked, I felt less alone -- especially on nights that I thought would be my last.

In addition to reading posts here, do you have any other tools to help keep calm? Do any other distraction help?

[Jennyssmith1985 in reply to mrmonk]

Good morning, I hope you found yourself getting a couple hours of sleep last night. I ended up falling asleep on accident which I guess was a good thing since I wouldn't have made the conscious decision to go to sleep for fear of not waking up. The ocd sends me into the quickest deepest downward spiral ever. I just don't understand how many people live with this.. There is absolutely no joy in life whenever the anxiety/ocd combo strikes.

The only method I've been known to try when my anxiety strikes is to talk to my sister about how I'm feeling, she struggles with anxiety too but mine seems to beten times worse. I wish I knew of Tips to try and get myself out of this rut but I think the luvox will be my only way out even though I probably won't feel the full results for another 2 weeks..

Do you have any tips or tricks to share?

[mrmonk in reply to Jennyssmith1985]

Hello, I'm sorry for the late reply -- I fell asleep earlier than expected then, too -- so deeply, in fact, that I ended up missing a dose of a medication I take for epilepsy, so I've spent the past couple of days fretting that I might have a breakthrough seizure (so far, I've been okay).

Although nights are sometimes a terror for me because I'm alone in the apartment then, I actually sleep during the day at present.

One thing that helps me to ward off the fear of death in order to sleep is to have playing on a loop (via my laptop, usually) audio or video that I treasure and find meaningful, like recordings of my favorite poets reciting their work or episodes of my favorite television show, Monk (my HealthUnlocked username namesake) because it comforts me to know that if I did die in my sleep that I would be ushered out of this life with what I love most. Sleeping with a beloved pet nearby or a special stuffed animal are other ways of doing the same.

How have you been the past couple of days? Are you feeling any effects at all from the fluvoxamine yet? One of the side effects of mirtazapine is that it makes one very drowsy and that effect took very quickly for me, so I was wondering if your medication helps you sleep, too?

[Jennyssmith1985 in reply to mrmonk]

Hi, no worries on the timing of your reply. I'm happy to hear you are getting rest! It's been pretty rough for me to be honest, every single ache and pain is now some world shattering disease that is out to get me in the worst way. I went from thinking I was having a heart attack to a brain Aneurysm to a blood clot and now tonight have convinced myself that my esophagus has a hole in it and anything I eat or drink is poisoning my insides and for that reason I've decided to abstain from any solids until I can get these feelings under control. My fluboxamine does not come with the sleepy side effect.. It's actually the opposite of that. I was supposed to start it today but with all of my said issues I've been pretty apprehensive about willingly putting my mind and body through more than I am already even though the outcome will pay off. Fluboxamine makes me feel like a zombie with severe nausea.

I too sleep with an animal, mine happens to be a studded panda and I sleep with rain noise on but ur setup sounds pretty cool.

Thanks for writing me back!

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the group. So many people end out in the ER with panic attacks that mimic a heart attack. The revving up of the fight or flight sends us into a spiral.

I found HU through a meditation site I've been with for years. Taking to people with similar issues does help. I find with anxiety issues it's good to unload things.

I know it's hard but googling is not helpful. We tend to migrate to worst case scenario.

Keep coming here and talking. It will help you.

🐬

[Jennyssmith1985 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yea this has been so miserable, I'm sitting on my couch with my feet elevated because I'm convinced I have edema even though I know I walked more yesterday than I usually do which would explain the minimal swelling and soreness. I can't stand this I'm so angry. I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy and enjoy this Sunday with my loved ones. It did help last night to read about other people and their struggles. It's easy to feel all alone and like the world is closing in on you when you're in this state of mind.

Thanks for the response

[Anxietynomore]

Believe it or not when I feel like that if I drink a beer or a glass of wine. Or take my .05 Lorazapam in 30 minutes I'll be asleep and won't even think about dieing at all. Hope this helps. Good luck. ❤

[Jennyssmith1985 in reply to Anxietynomore]

I'll have to try this. Benzos give me a bit of a hangover but at this point I'd rather have some sleep with a minor hangover than no sleep at all

[Luna_Love143]

I'm sorry to hear your having a hard time lately. I know that the anxious feelings we have along with the stress can start to manifest itself elsewhere in other parts like aches and pains. I have been to the ER way to many times because of what ends up just to be a panic attack and I know that in that very moment of panic everything is just all so real the bodily sensations really make you feel "think" like your going to die. I struggle so much to, you're not alone. I hope your feeling better today.