I'm losing my voice, each day is a misery...even I can't understand myself.

[Dads99]

it's been four years... and I thought I'd be better after going through so much pain in my past but it's getting worst.

I can't speak properly … it's like as if I'm trapped inside my head whenever there is someone who tries to talk to me then I'll just look at them and say nothing at all … and there is a time that I thought I am talking to you but turns out that I'm just talking inside my head, I'm losing my voice... each day is a misery, I'm so afraid of my self sometimes. and the worst part is my relatives' close friends thought that I've changed that I became so arrogant because I no longer hang out with them and make eye contact like hell to me, I'm so awkward and I feel like I lost some part of me which is naughty and my smiley face now I'm just so emotionless most of time I feel numb! some of them call me I'm crazy because I no longer go out of the house. and the blatant mockery is everywhere. I just want a piece of mind but that's what I get. and the crazy part is I lost my scholarship because my grades suddenly drop big time. I don't know what to do. I hate myself for being like this, this is my fault. I'm at fault because I don't fit in the normal Society, I want to be normal but I think this time even if I came to the old me then they still hate me... they don't know that I'm in pain.

I'm so disappointed with myself.

[Dolphin14]

I'm so sorry you carry this heavy burden. I've found the people that have never walked in our shoes will be the hardest ones to feel comfortable around.

I've lost a few friends. People can be so unkind with their words.

The word " numb" sums it up. I've used that word. I've felt lost and empty so I do understand. I think if we could just get some validation that we are OK it would go a long way.

I've turned inward for my answers. Meaning I needed to get to the core of why I am the way I am. It's deep and often painful work. Do you see a therapist ?

🐬

[Dads99 in reply to Dolphin14]

I'm thankful that their still people who understand how hard it is to have a mental illness.

and I haven't seen a therapist yet but I'm planning to do that because I wanted to have a normal life.

[DaveSpice]

You don't mention it, but have you been seen by a secialist to sort the problem out?

[Dads99 in reply to DaveSpice]

I'm planning to and hope to get better soon

[Ryanlion in reply to Dads99]

I too feel for you its sounds horrendous. I do not suffer what you are suffering but i have my own mental distress (depression). Please do not hate yourself, you are suffering an illness, you are brave & strong to have been carrying this burden alone i dont know how you do it. Sod all those people who do not understand, they too will have sorrows in their lives one day & regret their behaviour toward you. I agree with the others, seek out a specialist who will help you as soon as you can and together you will put this suffering behind you. You deserve it be kind to yourself and seek help. This will be your first step to recovery. I wish you well.

[DaveSpice in reply to Dads99]

That's always the place to start, you really should leave it that long. Get checked out, fix the problem and get on with your young life. I disagree that it is "brave and strong" of you to carry this burden, better to get something like this diagnosed and fixed PDQ. Brave and strong is something that many guys do, until it is too late.

[Dads99 in reply to DaveSpice]

right, thanks for that I really appreciated it. and hope to get better soon

[designguy]

It sounds like you are suffering from social anxiety and possible agoraphobia. Your mind is working overtime and you are believing things about yourself that aren't true. Read up about it, there is plenty of information online and on youtube about it and see if it fits you and if so, try to find a therapist who treats social anxiety near you. There are also online programs and resources available, you might also consider medication, at least temporarily. I had social anxiety for years and have recovered and you can too. A big part of the solution is knowing and understanding what is going on.

[Dads99 in reply to designguy]

agoraphobia? ... I'll google that... and thanks man. Good bless us, and hope that people who's suffering from this kind of anxiety / mental illness get better soon.

[DaveSpice in reply to designguy]

I was about to say your reply is nonesense, but you have raised the question of stress and that could have a physical effect on the body leading to, or exaserbating his symptoms. Stress creates a feedback loop in the body...sympton causes stress, stress creates more symptoms and breaking that cycle may be an answer. Good point.