Relationship Break-up & Anxiety

[Doc11764]

I wrote a post over on the Anxiety & Depression feed but I feel this feed more appropriate for me. I am not depressed but have a great deal of anxiety going on in my life . I suppose they go hand and hand but I feel it more stress-related than anything else.

I have been going through a toxic relationship for 5 years now . Packed my bags 100 times , been thrown out 100 times but we both stayed until about a month ago we ended it.

I was/am living with a spouse with nacisistic behaviors and treated terribly. I found myself in this co -dependant relationship trapped . How I let myself get into this is beyond me.

She finally said thats it and I found myself homeless for the first time in 57 years ( it was her house) . Thoughts of being alone , starting over and having only my personal belongings to go with me . Overwhelming to not have one thing for a new house.

Over a period of weeks I started losing sleep, bothered by the break -up , by the thought of being alone , buying a new house. I was able to find a house and put a down payment and my spouse agreed for me to stay until my closing.

I laye awake at night with worry over everything. I found myself getting up all hours of the night and going to the bathroom. It started to worry me and I went to see my doctor. After running a bunch of tests an ultrasound showed a tumor in my bladder.

My stress went into overdrive, no sleep , anxiety through the roof and then waiting for the specialist to do the definitive procedure to tell me I had cancer. A long week and a half.

On top of all this I was signing papers for a new house , moving stuff to storage and trying to work overtime to save money for my new house.

When I had my procedure the doctor looked on my bladder and said " there is no tumor here" . I was shocked but happy . The ultrasound was done inappropriately and no tumor.

After weeks of resisting medication to take the edge off my stress I agreed with my doctor to put me on medication. My 2nd day of Lexapro and hoping some relief in site for calmness before moving into the new house.

I still am not sleeping great and it is adding to this bad anxiety cycle.

Thanks and sorry for the long vent!

[Hidden]

Hello

Life can be so cruel sometimes

I think first you should be proud that you are finally getting out of a toxic relationship

Yes it will be daunting starting all over again of course it will be but in a years time you will look back and see this was the right thing and hopefully feeling a lot happier and calmer than you do now

It must be hard that you are still living there so all ties have not quite been broken yet but I think it will slowly get easier once you have moved into your own place

It will hurt at first but that will fade in time but accepting everything you are feeling is normal can be a good start , we sometimes fight our feelings or are tough on ourselves because we feel this way yet this is a life changing event and one we hoped we would not have to face yet here we are having to do just that but you will

Look at the other massive positive and it certainly is , I know you must have been full of fear thinking you have bladder cancer but you didn't , how wonderful is that

Sometimes when life and it does deals us a bad pack of cards we can forget to see any positives and it can be good to do a list of positives and I would start with having I did not have bladder cancer in capitals on the top of my list !!!!

I am pleased you have been the man you are and spoken with your Doctor and got some medication to help

It can take a few weeks before it really starts to work but hopefully then you will see a difference

Life is like a book and as one chapter closes another one opens

I hope the next chapter in your life once this is closed reads full of happiness x

[Doc11764 in reply to Hidden]

Bekind, Thank You so much for you're lengthy reply . It is just what I need right now , positive reinforcement. I will get there . I have a 12 year old girl I share custody from my previous marriage, it broke her heart and mine to put her through another break -up . She has decided to stay with her mom until my closing and I am hoping my anxiety is better by then as I need to take care of her .

Thanks Again !

[Hidden in reply to Doc11764]

Hello

I have had grown up Children myself who over the years regretfully had to go through similar and the guilt we feel I know made me feel so bad

But what they were witnessing would have damaged them more and now they are successful adults so try to be there the best you can for her and as long as she has her Dad's love which I know she will have she will be fine

You will come out the other end stronger and like I said eventually happier and when she see's that she will no longer feel upset

Honestly she just needs you well and happy again x