I don't think I'll ever be able to cope with my anxiety based depression ! It has ruined my life and I no longer have the physical or mental energy to continue to fight its ravaging power ! I am a 47 year old Tennis Coach scratching a meagre subsistence living on the outdoor courts of North Yorkshire. I struggle to always fulfil my coaching hours due to the vagaries of the weather, particularly at this time of year and am suffering from intolerable levels of anxiety on my motorbike which is my only mode of transport of getting around for my lessons. My relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years has deteriorated to the point, whereby our status has reverted to a just friends situation which I find very painful to accept.
I know that I have to make wholesale changes in my life and to alleviate the financial burden of not earning a regular income have embarked upon a Teaching Assistants Course. I have gained a lot of experience of working with schools in my capacity as a Tennis Coach. Unfortunately, I struggle to concentrate and haven't even started the course I enrolled for in June, and which is now due for completion at the end of December. I am hopeful that an e-mail from my GP, should be sufficient to gain me an extension, but at the moment I'm just so exhausted to do any work on it.
I feel terribly lonely, and apart from the few adults and children I interact with as a Tennis Coach, many of my days are spent entirely alone. I do sometimes manage to go running 2 to 3 times a week though, and I very rarely miss my local Park run.
I have suffered with ongoing clinical depression for over 20 years, and at the moment I feel that I do not have what it takes to effect the changes that I know are required.
Thank you for reading, and look after yourselves everybody.