Extremely anxious over husband's nights out

[Thecove]

I only came across this website this morning as I was looking up my own situation and found a post identical to mine from 8 yrs ago so it gave me the courage to look for help. I am with my husband 20yrs and we have 2 children 16 and 12. Overall we get on well and I truly love him. My biggest fear and it makes me so anxious is when he goes on a night out. Lately this only happens a few times a year but when he goes out he completely forgets myself and the kids and he could either stay out all night with no calls or text or he is known to fall asleep and his phone, keys wedding ring was stolen, another time he fell and nearly knocked himself out. The list is endless. I can't eat or sleep for days before or especially on thenight he is out. I am constantly checking to see when he was last online so I know he is ok. He has gotten a new job in the last few years and his work crowd have become a big part of him. One colleague in particular actually likes him. I can't handle it. It makes me so upset he knows this and is trying to take a step back. She was constantly messaging him but that has somewhat stopped. It's his 40th two days before Christmas and he says he doesn't want a fuss. Then he comes home and says work are going for drinks. He is saying it's not for his 40th but I know it is. I am already wound up and upset as he won't let me do anything for his birthday and yet he will go out with work and exclude me. I have barely spoken to him and I keep crying . He has said he can't take anymore of this reaction when he goes on a night out Between the worry of what will happen to him with drink then the girl that fancies him being with him I am distraught. I really can't handle it. What am I going to do. Am I trying to control him? Is it jealousy? My head is melted. I am just feeling what's the point of going on this way. If anyone can help me I would really appreciate it

[langedechu]

i'm so sorry you're being treated this way. it really sucks. have you tried talking to him about it? i think that if you haven't already you should definitely tell him how you are feeling. sending love x

[pam4him]

It kind of sounds like there are several things going on. I think the farther apart someone goes out for drinks, the easier it is to get drunk, so maybe ask him to sip his drinks slowly, and/or alternate some water between drinks. Another is some possible jealousy. He seems to be showing signs of staying faithful to you. Rather than make yourself sick with worry, what if you contacted one of the coworkers and ask that they keep an eye on him? Just some ideas to think on. Prayers for safety for him and peace for you.

[darktodawn]

Hey there , sorry for your pain , I kno it all to well an feel the stress an worried emotions, then ya throw love into it , then it’s all goes off the rails .. my x kinda did the same thing , I held on as much as I could , witch only made it worse, just don’t take it all personally, it’s not you, be strong for your self , honest with him , an hope he gives the same back to you , I don’t kno what the f to say , all I know is after 15 years my x an I get along better than we ever did back in those days, just know there’s hope an happiness for the future, stop dwelling on the old , every day is a gift , live it , love it .. I’m sure this response it nothing ya don’t know just might be talking to my self ?🙃good nt , brett

[Thecove]

I commented here last week about being nervous about my husband going out. He went out yesterday at 5pm and the last I heard from him was at 12.30. My initial reaction is that he is ok. But there is still that pit of fear that something has happened. I have rang him loads and no answer. I'm really trying not to freak out.