Please could anyone offwe me any advice. I feel stuck in a rut and afraid.
Background I have anxiety and agoraphobia that flares up occasionally. My anxiety has always been more mental symptoms than physical. A few months ago I had a panic attack having a blood test and since then my agoraphobia flared back up. My son was badly bullied all year and as a result became very withdrawn, panic attacks and told us he wanted to end his life. After he told me that my life changed. We battled with the childrens mental health team to see him, our GP referred us there then they said I would be the best person to help him having an understanding of anxiety myself. Well that month my son became worse as he felt noone would help. I was left taking care of him every day, leaving him in school begging me to take him home mid panic attack, texting me all day begging me to pick him up... it was a living hell. My daughter then became unwell and was in hospital 2 nights due to a bowel infection. She has since become unwell again. This is all in the last 2 months. I was feeling immense stress all day, heavy chest and constant panic feelings.
Then 4 weeks ago I started feeling a little off balance like the ground was moving under me. It wasn't every day so I thought nothing of it at first. Then 3 weeks ago it became all day, it's the feeling like when you get off a trampoline and you still feel you're bouncing under foot and in your head you feel strange. Occasionally I get a feeling like my throat and chest goes like lead. With this sensation the floor moving feeling seems to get worse too. I then panic what this heaviness is. I also feel off balance like my head goes woozy and I move if I open doors. If I bend down to open a cupboard I feel my head sways with it.
3 weeks ago my GP came out to see me, he checked my eyes, bp, oxygen, balance test, muscle strength etc.. and he said all fine. He told me it was probably anxiety and stress as he couldn't find anything wrong in my ears and the room doesn't spin so he was sure I was struggling with stress and he wasn't surprised.
On Monday called him out again and he did all the same tests and also ran a key under my feet, checked I could feel his fingers on my arms, legs... reflexes.. and he said again he was sure this was still anxiety. I told him I get this heaviness in chest, throat and the floor moving is much worse. I feel I am walking on marshmallows. Sometimes if I open a cupboard or a door I feel like I go off balance with it. It's so strange. He checked my ears again and he said normal. He has given me stemetil to try but he doesn't think it's an inner ear thing causing balance issues. He ran some bloods, a huge list of them and all are normal other than my cholesterol is up a bit.
I am worried sick and I can't seem to be ok with this. I haven't been out much the last few weeks, I am even scared walking around my house and I cry every time I see how many days it is until Christmas. 2 weeks ago after I first saw him I decided to believe it was anxiety and keep going, the unsteady feeling did ease a little and I stopped panicking so much. It never went completely but it was a little better, 40% better I'd say. Now I feel bad again the last 5 days and I am struggling to be ok with this and carry on. Everytime i walk around I feel intense anxiety when I fee the ground moving. Everytime i feel that heaviness in my throat and chest I panic what it is. I keep worrying it's a brain tumour or something in the brain and my GP is missing it. I am also just so sad that it's almost Christmas. I feel a let down to my children like this. I see other mums on Facebook taking their kids out doing Christmas things and I can't so I feel tearful. I can't even get excited or go shopping like this. I said to my husband if I had a wheelchair I could go, it's not the anxiety stopping me . 4 weeks ago I never had this and I could function as normal, I had anxiety but I still went out and I was fine, I lived life. Since having this I feel life is awful, every day feels scary and I am finding it hard to trust my GP. Surely anxiety cannot cause what I am describing
My husband was home yesterday when the GP came and he said he felt totally reassured and when he let the GP out he had a chat with him outside the house and he said to him that it isn't anything serious, he doesn't even think it's my ears but he has given me stemetil to try. I hate taking meds as I am terrified of side effects. He said this should go on it's own with time.
Can anyone give me some wise words or reassurance please? I feel so alone in this.