Feeling low, scared and anxious :(

Please could anyone offwe me any advice. I feel stuck in a rut and afraid.

Background I have anxiety and agoraphobia that flares up occasionally. My anxiety has always been more mental symptoms than physical. A few months ago I had a panic attack having a blood test and since then my agoraphobia flared back up. My son was badly bullied all year and as a result became very withdrawn, panic attacks and told us he wanted to end his life. After he told me that my life changed. We battled with the childrens mental health team to see him, our GP referred us there then they said I would be the best person to help him having an understanding of anxiety myself. Well that month my son became worse as he felt noone would help. I was left taking care of him every day, leaving him in school begging me to take him home mid panic attack, texting me all day begging me to pick him up... it was a living hell. My daughter then became unwell and was in hospital 2 nights due to a bowel infection. She has since become unwell again. This is all in the last 2 months. I was feeling immense stress all day, heavy chest and constant panic feelings.

Then 4 weeks ago I started feeling a little off balance like the ground was moving under me. It wasn't every day so I thought nothing of it at first. Then 3 weeks ago it became all day, it's the feeling like when you get off a trampoline and you still feel you're bouncing under foot and in your head you feel strange. Occasionally I get a feeling like my throat and chest goes like lead. With this sensation the floor moving feeling seems to get worse too. I then panic what this heaviness is. I also feel off balance like my head goes woozy and I move if I open doors. If I bend down to open a cupboard I feel my head sways with it.

3 weeks ago my GP came out to see me, he checked my eyes, bp, oxygen, balance test, muscle strength etc.. and he said all fine. He told me it was probably anxiety and stress as he couldn't find anything wrong in my ears and the room doesn't spin so he was sure I was struggling with stress and he wasn't surprised.

On Monday called him out again and he did all the same tests and also ran a key under my feet, checked I could feel his fingers on my arms, legs... reflexes.. and he said again he was sure this was still anxiety. I told him I get this heaviness in chest, throat and the floor moving is much worse. I feel I am walking on marshmallows. Sometimes if I open a cupboard or a door I feel like I go off balance with it. It's so strange. He checked my ears again and he said normal. He has given me stemetil to try but he doesn't think it's an inner ear thing causing balance issues. He ran some bloods, a huge list of them and all are normal other than my cholesterol is up a bit.

I am worried sick and I can't seem to be ok with this. I haven't been out much the last few weeks, I am even scared walking around my house and I cry every time I see how many days it is until Christmas. 2 weeks ago after I first saw him I decided to believe it was anxiety and keep going, the unsteady feeling did ease a little and I stopped panicking so much. It never went completely but it was a little better, 40% better I'd say. Now I feel bad again the last 5 days and I am struggling to be ok with this and carry on. Everytime i walk around I feel intense anxiety when I fee the ground moving. Everytime i feel that heaviness in my throat and chest I panic what it is. I keep worrying it's a brain tumour or something in the brain and my GP is missing it. I am also just so sad that it's almost Christmas. I feel a let down to my children like this. I see other mums on Facebook taking their kids out doing Christmas things and I can't so I feel tearful. I can't even get excited or go shopping like this. I said to my husband if I had a wheelchair I could go, it's not the anxiety stopping me . 4 weeks ago I never had this and I could function as normal, I had anxiety but I still went out and I was fine, I lived life. Since having this I feel life is awful, every day feels scary and I am finding it hard to trust my GP. Surely anxiety cannot cause what I am describing

My husband was home yesterday when the GP came and he said he felt totally reassured and when he let the GP out he had a chat with him outside the house and he said to him that it isn't anything serious, he doesn't even think it's my ears but he has given me stemetil to try. I hate taking meds as I am terrified of side effects. He said this should go on it's own with time.

Can anyone give me some wise words or reassurance please? I feel so alone in this.

[1973m]

Wise words ; My lovely you are living with Anxiety , that balance thing like your walking on sponge I could not describe it better it's awful , it's your fatigued mind all what you describe is stress and I'm not surprised by what your going through!! You must trust the GP he will of missed nothing !!! You need to concentrate on your son he has his whole life to live . It will get better not instantly , but you must try to let go and keep believing there it nothing wrong even the tight chest and throat it's nothing to worry about the more you relax it too will lessen its grip the most important thing I can say is Loose Your fear !!! These feelings are not going to harm you ! Promise , take care. X

[Hidden in reply to 1973m]

Thank you so much. Your reply comforted me so much. It helps hearing I'm not alone with this.

I've been worried because to constant every time i walk about. I feel the ground is swaying or bobbing. I feel when I open doors my head woodshed with it. It's weird. No room spinning or light headed feelings. Really anxiety?

I struggle to accept it. I guess my anxiety has always been more scary thoughts, panic and agoraphobia so to suddenly have persistent dizziness even when I feel calm is scary.

I also have another symptom which I find strange. I've had this a few weeks too. I wondered if it was like a depersonalisation but when I look in my full length mirror in my bedroom I feel fuzzy like I am looking at myself but it appears distant or fuzzy. Left eye appears fuzzy. I told gp my left eye sometimes is a little fuzzy and he checked eyes and said. they were fine. I hate it. I look at myself and feel I'm almost distant and fuzzy and I feel off balance when I look at myself. Odd. I struggle to describe it lol.

Thank you for being so kind.

Julie

[Aazz]

Definitely anxiety. I too like you always had anxiety but never the physical symptoms until I had my second child since then I've had every symptom in the book including the balance thing like you describe. My main persistent symptom is tremor and as my phychiatrist said that is my symptom of anxiety the off balance feeling is 'your' symptom of anxiety, everyone has that one dominant symptom. What you need to realize is that even when you accept this and start trying to move on and recover you will get set backs just as you described you were 40% better and that was from you just accepting then it came back and that's all part of the recovery. You just need to remind yourself ok it's a setback it will get better again I just have to continue with my positive mindset.

You will get better it will be ok. I wish you the best

[Hidden in reply to Aazz]

Thank you so much. Your reply was a huge comfort to me.

I guess my anxiety has always been more scary thoughts, panic and agoraphobia so to suddenly have persistent dizziness even when I feel calm is scary.

I also have another symptom which I find strange. I've had this a few weeks too. I wondered if it was like a depersonalisation but when I look in my full length mirror in my bedroom I feel fuzzy like I am looking at myself but it appears distant or fuzzy. Left eye appears fuzzy. I told gp my left eye sometimes is a little fuzzy and he checked eyes and said. they were fine. I hate it. I look at myself and feel I'm almost distant and fuzzy and I feel off balance when I look at myself. Odd. I struggle to describe it lol.

Thank you for your reply.

Julie

[Aazz in reply to Hidden]

Yes that's a form of depersonalization derealization, I've felt as if I was an alien before not real really scary things. I was actually speaking to my friends mother who has suffered anxiety and panic since she was 24 she is now 50 her main symptoms was dizziness too. She for many years didn't know what was wrong with her until 3 years ago she decided to go back to school and study psychology that's when the pin dropped for her and she came off her meds and is doing much better now. considering you are under a lot of stress with the situation with your kids it's no wonder you are feeling this way. I would suggest seeing a therapist I e also started reading a book called DARE it's really good. Hope you have better days ahead xx

[Hidden in reply to Aazz]

Oh thank you. I shall Google that book.

I'm walking around more but still feel the ground moving. I feel down on myself too because I'm not out shopping. Having this dizziness has affected me going out. It's not fair. Now it's other agoraphobia like I had years ago it'd this genuine dizziness. I feel low on myself thinking I can't visit people this Christmas. I can't take my kids out. I'm a failure. Urgh. I've not been to a shop in 2 weeks. I'm only just getting the courage of walk more at home and face it. Sounds daft I know. I worry I will ever get over this feel feeling.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I've also brought the book at started to read through it aswell! Good buy x

[Hidden]

Hey you sound like me 😩 It's awful isn't it I had it for the whole weekend felt like the floor was moving.. I could see the door in front of me but I'd still walk into it and muddle up words I too feared I had a brain tumour as I was also having tingling sensation in my arm and leg for 4 days I went doctors and they did the strength test thing and she said I'm fine and looked at my medical history and then told me I have health anxiety which I believe coz I've never known one person to have around 40 illnesses in one day 🙈 I've only had anxiety a couple months and starting cbt very soon so hope this will be the start of a new beginning! Take care 😘 X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Start cbt next Wednesday!! X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Good luck x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

I guess I am scared because my anxiety was always more mental thoughts and fears of going out or intrusive thoughts. I'm not used to physical feelings so I've a assumed I must be ill. I'm not shaking all day or fast heart like panic attacks or high anxiety so I struggle to believe anxiety could cause how I feel.

I had cbt for a year which helped. The NHS wait is 18 months here which is a pain.

Thank you.

Julie

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Wow that's a long time to wait 🙈 I was referred 2 weeks ago!! Where do you live? X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Wales. Had to wait 18 months so I went private and it cost me a fortune x

[Hidden]

Hello

I really felt for you reading your post you have been going through so much there is no wonder you are suffering with anxiety and yes the symptoms you describe are what anxiety can cause , I know hard to believe but the nervous system gets so messed up it is unbelievable at times what it can cause and just how ill you can feel

I know you said this seemed to come on a few weeks ago , but if you look what you had been going through prior I think there is no wonder or shall we say no surprise you anxiety has caught up with you even though when it has you may have felt better , I have had this happen after dealing with stressful times and it is like a delayed reaction to everything we have been trying to deal with

I think your Doctor knows what he is doing and remember it would be more than his job was worth if he had thought it was anything else to put it down to anxiety he has done all the blood tests , examined you and he obviously has not found one tiny thing that gives him concern it is anything sinister , keep hold of those thoughts

I understand your med fear , have the same fear , but you could look at it that he also felt you may not really need the meds so not sure if you could leave them for a while and see how you go , if your blood pressure was sky high I would say take them quick but as this seems to be a choice you have at the moment if it is going to cause you more anxiety I may think about giving it a while longer but if you feel you need them the way I sometimes get round it when it comes to meds and the fear is to tell myself I will take one a day at a time and if anyone day I feel I cannot cope with taking them I will stop , helps me feel I am in control when I think that way and if you were to feel any side effects nothing bad will happen again you would just stop taking them

I am glad you seem to have a good husband , take all the support you can from him , you have been looking after your kids through what seems some dreadful times now it is time to look after you , see it as any other illness and allow yourself to gain your strength all in your own time , try not to think about what you are " not" doing but what you have done in any one day no matter how small and praise yourself for that

Please don't compare yourself with friends on FB , we are all different and sometimes I do think when people post on FB they always exaggerate what they are doing and if it is that good why do they feel the need to tell the world ?

Make your own little Christmas , remember it is about having the people around you that you love rather than where you are going and who with and so on and sounds like you have a lovely family in your Son , Daughter and hubby to feel blessed

When my Christmas's have not been as I see everyone else's I think of those worse of and believe me there is always someone worse of and it makes me feel grateful for whatever I manage , it also is one day out the year that will come & go and if this year is not all you would like it to be you could make it a goal that during next year you will get as much support as you can and things will or could be totally different

I would ask your Doctor about some counselling for you or therapy I feel you could benefit from it even if you have had some before but you also have found this Community now where you can always talk to others that understand

Sorry I have gone on a little but Take Care and put yourself first for a while , it is your turn to be looked after now x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. Your reply made me feel comforted and much better about things. Thank you.

I have had a terrifying few months since my son told me he was suicidal. It was a huge shock. I knew he was struggling with his self esteem and anxiety since the bullying but I had no idea he felt so low. Having to watch him struggle has been horrible. I have no support other than my husband because 3 years ago (what started my anxiety disorder)) was my brother became paranoid (he has a personality disorder and aggressive nature) he attacked my husband put of the blue infron to our son and nor long after he chased me in his car and tried to attack me. Both times he was arrested. I cut my brother out of my life and as a result my sisters and mum resented me because they said he was ill and I shouldn't split the family up. My sister made my life a living hell and bullied me daily for the first year. That's when my anxiety been but it manifested as panic attacks and agoraphobia. Now to suddenly have physical anxiety symptoms it's a shock. Things were going well in my life again but yes 3 months ago this stress started and it has wore me down. I'd come home every day from the school run and just break down crying about my son because I'd left him in school having a panic attack. It was destroying me.

I just found it so hard to believe anxiety could really cause how I feel. It's been constant for 4 weeks and it's been such a worry. I am so glad I found this board. Your reply has been a huge help. Thank you.

Julie

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello Julie

You have been through such a lot

I totally get how you must feel been a Mother myself even though they are now all adults but when your children hurt you hurt with them it must have shattered your world when your Son told you how bad he was feeling but I see a positive there that he felt he could tell you that to me shows what a wonderful Mother you must be that he felt he could confide in you

I know leaving him when he must be so upset must tear at your heart strings a Mothers natural instinct is to protect and remove our kids from stressful situations

I presume the school are well aware and he has support in school ?

Let him know that the bullies are the one's that are worthless not him , that they must be jealous of what he is because that is the only reason why these kind of people behave in such a dreadful way , let him know that together he will come through this and tell him which I am sure you have that you are there when ever he needs you which I am sure you have done all this already

Now families , I could write a book my problems stem from when I was young and how my Father treat me , then ex hubby took over and lots more in between and sometimes you have to do what is right for you and sometimes this means that even though we may love our families we also have to let go , not everyone will agree but that is not our problem as long as we know why we have done it and it is in the best interest as in your case for your own family that is all that matters , don't feel bad about it , again like Christmas portrays on the adverts families all getting together loving and caring , when in reality this can be far from how it really is for at least 50% of people but concentrate on those that matter the most and that is your hubby and your kids they are the ones that are the most important

I love to get myself some nice smelly's , get a nice hot bath or shower , come out smelling all nice and then maybe getting a movie or renting one , chocolate maybe or any other treats we like and sitting together and watching a good film , there is only me , Son & hubby now but that is all I need they are the people in my life that really care for me and I have agoraphobia but we can all sit down together and enjoy something like that and I am sure you can find something you could all do together to without needing to go out if you don't feel up to it

When on an odd occasion I have gone some where my anxiety kicks in , I go lightheaded , I feel spaced out , my vision feels strange & as if things don't look clear and so on but I try to give it as little importance as I can knowing it is anxiety , because all this sensations we feel the more we worry the worse they are and will continue to happen , when we learn to trust our Doctors , accept this is anxiety and go with it rather than fight against it these episodes get less

You are not alone so many will relate to how you are feeling and have or are feeling as you do which I hope helps in a small way to believe this is anxiety and put your faith in your Doctor

Take Care x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words.

You're right. My Christmas will be effect with those that love me. I am looking forward to it I just keep worrying this dizziness will stop me and will make me panic and spoil the day for me.

Yesterday I had a slightly better day dizziness wise. Today after 5 hours sleep it's back in full force and my anxiety about it hits hard. I worry myself silly it's not anxiety. How could anxiety make you feel the floor is moving and like you're wobbly inside. I feel off balance and at times woozy in my head I worry as its been going on so long but I have to remember yesterday it felt a little better and that should show me it could be anxiety. I panicked far less yesterday because the dizziness wasn't as bad. Today I feel the dizziness again and I panic inside and obsess about it.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your little family xx