The Virus

[wiserlady]

Life can be hard. I am not particularly worried about the virus. But I am housebound and living alone. And the only person I have visit me and see me and help me is my partner. If anything were to happen to him I am stuffed. I have urged him to make sure he is picky about who he meets because usually he meets loads of people.

[Hidden]

Hello

I am not sure where you live but if you were in the UK , there are organizations trying to help people in your situation , if you put in Google what support is there for people living on their ow hopefully it will show up

It would be so rare that anything would all of a sudden happen and if you felt unwell again if you are in the UK you would phone your Doctor or 111 or even the Samaritans

If you feel like a chat you can always come on here and people will be more than happy to listen and say hello

I hope knowing we are about helps to ease that feeling of been alone

Take Care x

[wiserlady in reply to Hidden]

Hi there, what a nice person you are, thank you. I have been very unwell for a bit and stuck in the house on my own a lot the two together were getting to me so I have been phoning the Samaritans. But I need my guy to be able to come here because he takes care of me. Nobody else would. The government etc wont send someone over to put my dustbin out etc, they only see people who are housebound as ill as those who are physically ill. They dont understand my sort of problem. I know, have come across it many times over the years. Even my doctor is stupid and clueless about it at times. I once asked them to do a letter for me, to send to the local library, proving I am housebound with agoraphobia and need the library tao add me to their disabled list of people who gets books brought to them. I waited and waited for this letter and when I rung the surgery asking why it was taking so long they said it was there waiting for me to go and collect it! I pointed out this letter was to prove I cannot leave my house and she said yes she knows, and when was I going to go and collect it????? I then phoned the library and said I was having a problem with getting the letter to them. The stupid woman there knew I had agoraphobia etc and started on about when was I goig to the library to bring the letter in. I pointed out that if I could go there to bring the letter I could go there to get my books! She still didnt get it.

[Hidden in reply to wiserlady]

Hi

I am sorry to hear this , I am agoraphobic to and my husband takes care of me

Is your partner you carer to ?

I suppose your neighbours maybe not helpful which is a shame as my husband just takes the ladies bin down and back up next door even though there is nothing wrong with her but she is on her own and why others don't do that as it is not a big thing but can really help someone else I just don't know !

I do understand though and it is something myself & my MP have been trying to make more awareness in our area is that people with agoraphobia are getting left behind with support that we need as for some reason they by pass we cannot get out to get it ! and I feel your frustration as I have had so much frustration over this myself !

I am not sure what your MP is like in your area but ours is really good , I wonder as you can phone or email them if they would look into getting you more support , it could be worth a go letting them know your situation

My MP actually contact me yesterday and because I have health problems to they said my husband should try and stay in now as to not contact the virus and pass it on to me and if we needed anything to just let them know , I would hope where you are there are organizations doing the same

I suppose you have already spoken to your partner about needing more support from him ?

Try and Google your area and what there is out there to help , it can take a few calls and emails as it did with me but I got there in the end

My motto is to let as many as I can know I need help , even though I do have my husband if you don't ask you never know

But you are not alone as I said in the sense you can always come and chat with us and shame on your neighbours if they know your situation and yet don't even bother to take your bins down for you ! x

[wiserlady in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lulu. That is not quite the situation. I live in a big house and never really see my neighbours. Most of them are at work all day, may partner is at work all day when he gets the chance to work. You never see them. There is a couple who live two doors down to me that I have never ever seen and they and I have been here more than 20 years. Sometimes I go out in the front garden and can see one or two of the neighbours from across the road, but the road is wide, if they stay over there I dont get to speak to them. I think those who have seen me now and then assume I am at home working all day or just reclusive. And I am not very old so they assume as I am fit physically I am just strange! But the truth is that even if a neighbour offered to help they could not do what my partner does. He has to do all the housework etc. And we cannot afford a cleaner. And of course right now with the virus its not even safe to invite a cleaner into your home. I normally have a hairdresser come over but am stopping that for now.

I dont need a carer in the usual sense of the word. I can do everything I need to physically and I used to run a very successful business with hundreds of staff. Ive written books which have been published and been offered work on radio and television etc. I used to run a charity. From head to toe I am able to move about and wash and dress etc. But I have no energy so I would be all huffed and puffed and it would take me ages to do something like hoover the carpet, so my partner does it. The government do not recognise that as me being physically disabled. I know, Ive spent a LOT OF TIME on this.

My partner is very caring and intelligent. He can work out what needs doing. But he cannot be in two places at once. Believe me if he wasnt we wouldnt have been together all these years, I would have stayed single or been with someone better. But he has to run his business and works full time when he can. He hasnt got the luxury of free housing and electricity etc so he has no choice. As it is he is scared stiff that with so many of his clients cancelling bookings his business will go under and he will get into serious debts! He should be thinking of retiring but he cant afford it.

Before I met my partner I met a few other people who would come around to decorate etc. The men would invariably try to take advantage sexually or financially. A young woman who lives alone and doesnt talk to neighbours is their perfect target. I went through a very nasty experience here an elderly man from the local church came over and tried to sexually assault me and had to report him to the police.

How are you coping now?

[Hidden in reply to wiserlady]

Hello

I am so sorry to read all this as well as feeling angry especially the last bit of your reply

I also think this is where things are so wrong that you are judged on how you look yet no one knows what is really going of on the inside , the saying never judge a book by it's cover springs to mind !

I wonder when this world has settled down if you have ever thought about downsizing your house , something more manageable ?

Maybe this is something that would not appeal to you but over the years I have downsized as my children left home as I no longer needed the extra pressure

I will be honest unlike you not been to concerned if you caught the virus I am opposite and living in fear

I had double pneumonia last year which nearly finished me of so that has not helped my fears plus where ever you look all there is are reports after reports on this virus which does not help

Thank you for asking how I am doing , I appreciate it x

[wiserlady in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lulu. You are a breath of fresh air, such a nice lady.

Its not that I am NOT bothered about getting the virus but I know the only way I CAN get it is if I get it off my partner.

Please dont worry about may lifestyle. I am very sensible. I have all that worked out as well as it can be. I earn my living advising people on their life styles.

Not at all interested in downsizing my house. I bought this house about 20 years ago as a single woman. Never had kids. I moved into it as a totally single woman on my own. I used to get nosey boring locals knock on my door asking me why a woman on her own buys and lives in such a big house - I asked them why they want to live in a tiny house! Was always too busy running business with lots of staff and clients. The whole purpose of working so hard was to get this house. It took me a long time to find the right house that had lots of lounges and not so many bedrooms. I spend all my time here and over the years have spent loads of time and money on getting it exactly as I want. To be honest my hairdresser and other people who sometimes come here for work say ooh what a big house, you should sell it. What they dont think of is that as I am stuck at home so much I would be much more miserable in a small place. Here I have a library, a computer room, an office, a gym, four lounges, a music room, an art and craft room, three bathrooms,a two big gardens, it is those things that make my life a lot less miserable when here alone a lot. It also means I get loads of exercise walking about it and a change of scene constantly. Its not just the size of the house its the fact you cant have all your books and things around you then. My guy is a very intelligent and resourceful person. If I ever need an opinion on what to do I ask him. He knows me and all the facts.

Ive also had pneumonia and a lot of lung infections over the past few years. Two years ago I was in hospital every month with a new infection. Not only was it very worrying and distressing but the hospital was 20 miles away and my business was going to go down the drain while I was there so much, with huge losses. My partner was also struggling as he had to keep coming to visit me and do stuff for me on top of doing his own full time business. I then said to my doctor that I insist they give me a rescue pack of antibiotics so taht next time I get bad with my lungs instead of a struggle to get to speak to them and get them to deliver antibioatics to me or have an ambulance rush me off again, I have them here ready ato take.

I understand your fear. But all I CAN do about my situation is make sure I dont meet anyone other than my partner to minimise the risk. To be honest with you if he was normally popping into neighbours to help them I would say to stop it. As he could pop in there catch it and then come and give it to me. He lives in a block of flats and teh woman who is in charge of the block has had the sense to tell all the neighbours that from now on they will not meet or visit each other and only speak on phone. Its very easy to say my guy should stop work but then who pays his bills and how does he cope when his business closes down with lots of debts. Its usually unemployed people who dont think of all those things, people on benefits etc whose bills get paid anyway.

Sometimes Ive rung the Samaritans for a cheerful listening ear. But some of them start trying to rethink how you live your life and telling you to do it different. As if the fact I am agorophobic means I have a low i.q. and cant make sensible decisions. Then I end the call. Some really do understand and give me a lift.I speak to clients all day, but you cant be yourself with them. I am there to serve them not for them to hear how I feel or support me.

I LEARNT years ago not to go to anyone for so called help because all they do is meddle with all of the bits of my life that are very well sorted and as good as they can be. I could ask if someone can put my dustbin outside and instead of dealing with that they start suggesting I stop working or some stupid idea, which has nothing to do with them and is all sorted. They have never been able to tell me what is gained by a woman who is at home all of the time not working when she works from home, its very interesting work and it pays well. USUALLY its because they "forget" all the facts or didnt know them. I always say to such people, ok, lets say I STOP doing this very interesting, very well paid work from my office at home. What do I do with that time then that is just as interesting and worthwhile? Watch more tv? Read more books? Would they pay all my bills if I stopped work? No. I do enough of that now.

I told my partner two weeks ago to stop meeting his friends, to stop getting together in social groups and all the rest. This was way before the government thought of this stuff and said no big groups.

I know you are worried about the virus, and I know you are proactive about doing what you can. What else can you do then?

[Hidden in reply to wiserlady]

Your house sounds beautiful and the gardens well I would love that

I like my garden but it will be nothing like you have and if I could change anything it would be to have a bigger garden as like your house gives you so much pleasure my garden gives that to me to so I understand you have worked hard for what you have and if it gives you everything you desire the yes stay exactly where you are , maybe reading your reply I need a bigger house to move about in

It is easier said than done , some can isolate some have to work no matter what

I can protect myself and my husband has restricted his movements but I still have a son that lives at home and his job is he looks after people that have learning difficulties , and are blind , down-syndrome the list goes on they need 24 hour care and so he has to keep going no matter what as he says they cannot look after themselves and I think that is where my main panic comes from as the other staff he works with my mind says you just don't know if they may have been i contact with anyone and that is mainly where my anxiety is coming from , but I cannot ask my Son to move out bless him

I have always been rather reluctant to ask for help as you say the meddling but in that way I a strong enough to open my mouth and let them know what I need help with and to back of with the things I am quite happy with

I also have health anxiety in general which at a time like this I so wish I hadn't

Your house sounds wonderful and I do not blame you one bit staying where you are knowing more , your own little haven why would you not want that x

[wiserlady in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lulu, is that the right name to call you?

Like I say I worked and worked for years to buy this house and bought it and moved into it about 22? years ago. I have never ever thought it is best to sell it or move from it so not sure why other people think I should consider it at all? If it has worked for 22 years it will work forever. I have worked out how to cope with everything that might happen. People also forget that a smaller place still needs to be cleaned and tidied and attended to! It still has a bathroom, kitchen and bedroom and lounge.

One of the things I had to think of when I moved here was my dogs. Now this is another thing I get sick and tired of. People say wow you have FOUR DOGS? and then go on and on about how I should take care of them or that there are too many. Or I should get rid of them?! WHAT A CHEEK. But thats one reason why you have a big garden! And one reason I made sure all of the dogs are very very tiny and well behaved, much smaller than cats! And it is no more work to take care of four than it is of one. I dont have kids or family so that makes them very important to me. But of course that never occurs to the meddlers.

The other day one of my guys friends - who doesnt know me that well - said that he has a wonderful idea of how to help. Because he KNOWS that I have had various lung infections all of the following stupid advice comes from that. Of couse it never occured to him that there were more bad bits to his advice than good bits, or taht I owuld have already thought of this myself if it were a good idea, or that my partner would have thought of it...... he said ato bring my huge bigger than king size bed down and put it in my main biggest favourite relaxing lounge. The purpose being that when I get another infection (I prefer if not when) and its hard to get about and do things, I wouldnt have to struggle to get up the stairs to bed. Problem solved he said. Next time you get an infection you will be fine. Really I said? well tell me something. To bring that down and put it in the lounge means that you throw out the television and the sofa and coffee table. There is nowhere to put them. I would then not have a room to sit in and chat or watch tv in! Or to see visitors in. And it does noat save me going upstairs. I still have to go up there to get sheets, pillows, clothes and use the main bathroom. There is no way I could bring down those things and keep them downstairs. He was also over looking that the last time I had an infection I was so low in energy I could barely stand up or make a cup of tea. So where the bed is is just part of it. This silly advice came from the fact tha he used to be his wifes full time carer and he had brought their bed down - a much smaller one - and she had a very bad illness where she was totally bed bound. A totally different scenario with a totally different person.

The other day my hairdresser butted in with unneeded opinions. She said my front garden looks scruffy and needs to be tidied up and weeded. She is right.

She said that she khows I am not up to it so my partner should do it. She then went on and on about him being lazy. This really angered me as he often gets up at 6 am to go to work at 7 am and then works a very long day of very physical work and comes home totally exhausted and falls asleep. He then does all of the chores and housework here for me when he is not working - he doesnt even live here yet still is eager to do it for me. So he is hardly lazy. The other day he said he wants to decoate my main lounge for me to make it nicer for me. I wont let him because he is already so busy he rarely gets a chance to just do nothing and relax. So I pointed this out to this silly woman. She should have realised that I woudlnt be with a man who is lazy either.And the silly woman said well if he is too busy running his busines and working he should work less and take time off of work to do it! Ignoring taht his business would then go down the drain and he woudlnt earn enough to live on! Why does she feel that because I am agrophobia she knows it all and I know nothing?

If she was that smart she would be like me, running a big business and earning proper money.

I can see why you are worried about your son etc and the virus. In a way it is the same as me having a partner who comes and goes who has to go to work as he needs to earn money to pay his bills. We can only HOPE AND PRAY that they are sensible about who they meet and how they deal with it all. For their sake and ours. But worrying about it wont help or change anything.

I hope you do not mind me making a suggestion. Its only a suggestion I am not telling you what to do. But when I once went through a period of being very very anxious or depressed and not being able to relax or sleep I got 5 HTP which is a natural form of serotonin. Real antidepressants from the doctor are dangerous, they can cause dementia and all sorts. But these sort of do the same thing without the side effects. You need to take them for a few weeks and then stop for a bit and then start again. STOP and START works best. Am not trying to be a know all or bossy, and not assuming it is a good idea for you, its just a thought. YOu can get them sent to you from Amazon/ebay much cheaper than going to a health shop and far more choice - and safer.

I worry about my health too. I take omega 3, brewers yeast/vitamin B, magnesium, potassium, serraptpese, lutien and fibre with a few other things here and there.

But I have had to think of these things and research them carefully first to be sure they would be right for me. I alsao write articles for magazines and newspapers and my websites and sometimes for my paying clients, so I have to know my stuff.

Hope you are having a good day.

Every weekday I make a point of watching CLASSIC CORONATION STREET. It gives me a huge lift. Its funny, well written, well acted, great characters and to me far better than the modern version which is crap. I get through days by doing things like this to give me some happiness here and there, and eventaully that day is done and you move on to the next. Hope you enjoy the rest of today and dont worry too much.

[Hidden in reply to wiserlady]

Your house sounds fantastic , you have worked hard for what you have got and I can tell how much you love it and how happy you are so why fix something as we say that is not broken

So many people have opinions and if I ask for one then fine when they give it me if I don't ask then I tell them to keep them to themselves

While they are busy giving them out I think it is a way they don't have to look at what they need to be doing with their won life's

I will look on line at those things you have suggested as I do not like prescribed drugs and refuse to take them

I love Coronation Street , I was brought up with it when I was young and it was in black and white but we may have to start watching the repeats soon as I have read that a lot of the soaps now are looking at stopping filming while this virus is so bad but they have to protect themselves to and they do film in front so hopefully the worse will be over and we may not notice so much

It has been lovely talking to you and I hope you have the best day you can in that lovely home that you deserve x

[wiserlady in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lulu. The Coronation Streets I am watching are from about 30 years ago, colour. With Percy, Phyllis, Jack and Vera Duckwork, Rita, Bet Lynch, Derek and Mavis etc. I read that Eastenders is going to be shooting part time now, which makes no sense to me because if they are still meeting up regularly they can still catch it off each other. To me it is pointless to say to meet less and still meet, its still possible to get it, either do it or dont do it. But I suspect its about contracts where they are down to do all those episodes and would be able to be sued if they did not, but they can get away with doing less of them before they are taken to court.

There is a channel on tv I like TALKING PICTURES where you can see the old films, I much prefer those to the modern ones with loads of young bimbos that cant act and are chosen for their pretty face but have no personality. If I want to wind down I go in my music room and listen through my headphones. If I want to wind down properly I go in my health room and use my brain machines to wire how I am feeling and thinking.

I am like you about people pushing advice and opinions on me. Always ones that generalise or dont look at the facts or mean throwing the baby out with the bath water. Am quick to say no thank you you are wrong or whatever. But when those people know I earn my living on such things I wonder why they think I need such help? Makes no sense at all. Its a bit like talking to a brain surgeon about brain surgery and then telling him how to do his operations when you are a milk man or shop assistant. And they know I have a partner I can ask for opinions - someone who knows the whole situation and me far better than they do.

I have to be feeling very low to ring the Samaritans . I can remember some very interfering and bossy ones that put me off.

I often get people saying oh you can get a cleaner in. Really? Must be reasons not to or I would have before they mentioned it.

Years ago when I was totally skint I used to have no choice but to let out two of my rooms in my tiny house, just so that I could pay the bills. If that was now I would be wondering whether to let them stay or make them go, for fear of catching the virus off of them. Life is full of choices. I wouldnt let out rooms now, although it would be very easy to get people here, but not worth the loss of privacy and time, the hassle etc.

Be happy. Be stress free. Enjoy life! Even if it is something as simple as just flicking through a magazine. Get joy from the smallest things. It all adds up.

[Hidden in reply to wiserlady]

You can't beat the old Coronation Streets they were the best

I read about Eastenders to and wondered where the sense in all that was but people seem to be going rather strange or shall we say stranger than what ever normal is

Borris says keep out of pubs etc yet not telling them to shut ?

All seems a muddle to me

No I would not want to rent out and especially at this time , privacy to me is very important

Would be nice if the sun would come out at least we could sit in are gardens and feel the fresh air

Enjoy your catch up's on TV and take real good care of yourself the best you can x

[wiserlady in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lulu. I agree with you re Eastenders filming etc. But with the pubs he cannot get legal action against a pub for opening - that would be very complicated and take time. And he would lose the votes of every person who owns a pub if he did.

It would be lovely if it was sunnier. By the way my gardens are not beautiful. The back garden is mostly just trees and small bushes. Its not possible to keep it really nice, not got time, and dogs run around and would just kill any smaller plants there. But one thing out there is loads of birds in the trees, its wondeful to listen to them while reading a book and having a cuppa. Of course the great thing about having things indoors is that you can do them no matter how cold it is or if its raining.

I value my privacy a lot too. I never let anyone just come over. I used to know various litlte old ladies in the area who had found out who I was and what I do for a living

and assumed that because I am female and live alone and they know myaddress

they could just turnup and walk in and get loads of free h elp whenever it suited them. Like I dont need to pay for the things I need and want in life and get free deliveries from Tesco etc? lol . Very often it was totally inconvenient anyway as I would be in the middle of helping a paying client who had made an appointment - and they arent allowed to come over, they have to speak to me on the phone, less intrusive and time consuming. The way I SEE it is that I COULD be sleeping or in the bath or eating or kissing and cuddling my guy or up to my arms in pastry oar all sorts, so people dont just turn up, its rude and selfish. If I wanted peole comig and going from here invading my privacy it would make more sense to let out some of my spare rooms and get money for it. I dont have any family although and my friends dont live around here so its just me and partner usually. His family live other side of country so we dont get to see them much. They are due to visit end of April and I have serious thoughts of insisting they dont with this virus thing! Have a lovely day Lulu. Take care.