I'm completely lost and desperate! I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 years and we are about to get married. But, now I don't feel loved!

I'm completely lost and desperate! I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 years and we are about to get married. But, now I don't feel loved!

He tells me he loves me amd he has always been my friend and partner. But, I often feel lonely, left aside. He never does anything romantic or special. Sometimes he forgets to call me, forgets to charge his cell or tell me things. I know he is telling the truth. I know he is not lying. I know he really forgot. But, I wonder if I am not important enough to make hom remember. I feel too sad about it.

I love him deeply, but. I need him to demonstrate that with acts. I've talked to him many times about it. But, the best that could happenmis that he has a sudden peak and does something to calm me down. But, soon everything comes back to normal and I feel lonely again.

What can I do to deal with this feeling of abandon?

I am here with insomnia, as usually happens when he forgets to talk to me or let me know he is going to bed. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I feel back to school days, being rejected by the guy I love.

I am not a girl anymore, but I am always back to this role. I am feeling terrible, heartbroken, lost and desperate for seeing this story repeat itself.

Should I expect a marriage with no romance? How can I change that?

I just want to be happy and feel loved again.

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14 Replies

  • Hi there

    I just wanted to say think very carefully before you go and get married as you say this guy has always been your friend but he seems to hurt you intentionally as he knows by now that these things you describe hurt you ad yet carries on regardless,I'm not saying he isn't the man for you but maybe you just have to accept him the way he is as its pretty obvious he isn't gonna change,I am like you and I am a very romantic person but I'm afraid a high percentage of guys just don't get the romance thing unfortunately,I was in an unhealthy relationship for 14 years and I left in the end but I know it's very hard to break the cycle,I am now 5 years down the line in anew relationship and I'm much happier but would still love some romance but one thing you learn as the years roll by is that you can't have everything,my dad having a serious heart attack 5 years ago made me realise how short life is and it's about taking a chance sometimes,don't spend too long being sad and unhappy,think of all the positive things instead,I wish you luck in your decision,thinking of you xxx

  • I guess most guys are like that, anyway. I should try to see the good side of things. Thank you!

  • My husband is not a romantic but shows his love for me in the way he supports me and helps me and is always there for me . He is my rock.

    We have been married 38 years this year. Julie xx

  • Yeah... Maybe romance is overrated. I'll rethink it.

  • Hi, I feel you are in a very negative place at the moment. Do you have other people you can talk with you and listen. Have you tried to be romantic to him? I know from experience that if you want a certain behaviour you have to show your partner what you mean. Have you tried some joint counselling?

    I hope you do come to a decision and it's for the best.

    Take care xx

  • You've got a point there. But, most times I was romantic, I still didn't get anything in return. So, after some time, I guess I lost my hope and stopped being romantic too. I always expected a two-way street, but I guess he has others ways of expressing his feelings and I should try to understand that. It is difficult, though. I'll try to understand him more. Thank you!

  • You will never get the perfect man,but will get one perfect one for you,maybe this one is,knowing for 10 years is a while.How would you feel if you lost him.

    He is romantic enough to want marriage!

  • That's important indeed! He is really one of the only guys I've seen who are really excited about marriage and I would never live without him. You are absolutely right!

  • Hello Bittersweet lady

    I'm afraid some men just aren't that romantic, but please be sure you make the right decision. You've been together for 10 years so you should know everything there is to know about him.

    I'm very much like Jeffju, in that I've been married for 36 years and although my hubby isn't really romantic at all, he looks after me, and is always there for me supporting me whatever I do and however I'm feeling.

    That for me is everything I need.

    Ask yourself how you'd feel if you had a romantic man but he didn't think too much about you in other ways.

    Marriage has to be a good partnership with much more than just romance, sometimes people have things on their minds that distract them easily and maybe your partner is this way inclined, it's got nothing to do with anything else.

    I think Booster8joanna is also right in that you may have to accept him the way he is, and if you love him then that should be easy for you. I also think your a little low and that could be making you feel specifically unhappy today. Do something nice for him and maybe you'll feel better too.

    My hubby is fitting a new kitchen for me at the moment and he's been that busy this week that he hasn't even remembered that it's valentines day!!

    I hope you find the answers you're looking for soon. X

  • It's so good to listen that it is actually possible to have a happy and lifelong relationtionship even if my partner is not as romantic as I expected. Although it's difficult to handle this expectations, it's nice to know there is a way to live with this and still have a pretty successful marriage! Fitting a new kitchen is going to be good for both of you. I guess you understand how good it is (and that forgetting valentine's day is ok, then) and I shall do the same. I know my boyfriend(fiance actually) has been working a lot on things for the wedding. So, I guess I should ake that into consideration too. Thank you very much!

  • I've known my partner for 31 years and there's no chance of valentines cards in our house. The only time I knew him to send one was when he and my son were in Spain on the day and he sent one from the airport. I think my 6 year old son might have had something to do with it. Anyway what i'm trying to say is some blokes are just not romantic. Does he support you and can you talk to him and does he put you first. If the answer to the questions are yes then I think he is ok. If not then you have a decision to make.


  • Yes, yes, yes! We have lots of ups and downs, but I know he will never leave me. He is my big partner on this journey. It will take me some time, but I will try my best to understand his ways and look on the bright side. Thank you!

  • I have to express how happy I am for getting to many replies to my post!

    It's difficult to find people to talkk about such important and personal issues and being able to speak and listen to other people's testimonials is a bliss! Reading every story made me realize how common is my concern and that is possible to have a good and successful relationship without romance.

    Your stories made me see his point of view and see positive things I hadn't paid attention to.

    I love my fiance and know he loves me too. We just have different ways of expressing that, but maybe it can be perfectly fine.

    I'd like to express my deep greatfulness to all of you!

    Thank you all for spending your time writing your stories and helping me out!!

    You help open my eyes and mind, understand my heart better.


  • Never wait to be loved. Human beings are so selfish. When they discover what you like and makes you suffer, they do all they can to increase your pain. Depend on the Creator not on the creature and you will be happy all the time.

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