Never ending.

[Dnel82]

Been three years and this anxiety thing is really ruining my life. I'm so tired of this panic disorder. Even when I'm fine i still deal with my heart pounding heavy out my chest. Especially while I'm lying down. I have bad cardiophobia and I'm tuned in to my heart always and I'm so sick of it. Sometimes i wish for a heart attack to actually happen so i can just get it over with.

My heart feels so over worked and i don't know how much more abuse it can take. I know I'm just rambling on right now. I just don't know what else to do. I find myself always searching online for "cures" but always end up at the same dead ends. This is truly a miserable way to exist in this life. I say exist because when you have anxiety you're no longer living because of it.

I can't even remember the last time before this anxiety when i just was able to lie down and relax. This just won't let me. Every day anxiety is everyday and that truly is sad.

Sometimes i think silly things like it would be nice to loose my memory of who i am. That way i can start over. Sadly that's what anxieties are. Just thoughts that manifest into horrible physical symptoms.

[Tikirob]

Hey Man Wassup how are you? Besides the constant anxiety I mean.

I don’t have answers for you just some feelings and thoughts.

I remember at my worst my beats we’re getting so noticeable that my dad asked me what’s wrong and that’s rare for him to ask, and I said “Dad, my heart it’s beating...” and he said, “Well that’s a good thing!” I laughed, still was focused on my pulse but it did make me think, you know what that is a good thing.

During the day I can distract myself but at night it’s hard I guess that’s why you are writing now huh?

You started to already face your worst fear, that’s your heart having some issue, but I bet you know it’s anxiety, not that it helps. But you are brave for challenging it by saying I wish it would just happen, that’s what you may need to do just accept you have no control over it.

[Dolphin14]

Anxiety is brutal. I ask the usual question, are you in therapy? A couple years ago my anxiety was so bad I couldn't lay in bed. I " slept" sitting up in a chair. The minute I laid down things would escalate. I started to use a meditation app. Through therapy I've learned different ways to handle my anxiety. I'm also on meds.

Have you had a physical exam? Medical causes should always be ruled out first.

[Jencox79]

Your focusing too much on your heart. I used to do the same thing. Are you on meds? Or any kind of therapy?

[worrymagic2013]

This sounds so familiar. Like the others say, get the doc to check out any physical issues, but to me this sounds like what happens when my anxiety is very high. I remember the first time i was given diazepam (valium), I felt peculiar and it was because I was no longer hyper aware of my heart beat. Gave me some space to begin recovering from years of stress, no sleep etc.

Therapy really can help. I had more of that than meds. Now my anxiety is mostly manageable.

Get a checkup, and seek out some counselling. If that's not an option then there are some helpful books, sure others can recommend. Good luck!

[Tikirob in reply to worrymagic2013]

it’s the only thing that helps me instantly but my Psych will not prescribe it to me where as my GP did when I had panic attacks.

[Yasyass]

Hi firstly try stop having negative thoughts get a piece of paper write down things th u would like to do I suffer from anxiety all the time think the worse and believe me ha is no joke I wished I didn’t stress myself try to enjoy the simple things in life and try not to think about uself think about helping others I try to pray and get my mind occupied drawing reading I hope u find something u like the cure is in you to understand uself and not let anxiety control u

[Bigbrook2019]

Iya this sounds like me..daily palpatation constant pulse checking..basically dying everyday ..to scared to leave my house to scared to be alone at home ..basically waiting to die ..

[Likeabadstorm]

I am sorry you are dealing with this daily. I am too and this sucks. Physical symptoms are so bad and yes it feels like your existing. Each day I think maybe just maybe I’ll wake up and the head pressure and zaps in my face and head will go away along with the faintness feeling and nope not yet. It’s been a 16 months dealing with physical anxiety panic and and still trying to rule out awareness seizures. I fear seizures and csf leak or intracranial pressure from it. It hard to do anything, hard to drive and all. It’s been hell honestly and I know exactly where you are coming from.