I would like to share with you all my experience with this anxiety issue. My apologies for the long post but I want to accurately describe what I am suffering with...
It first started when I was in elementary school. Where I believe I ate too much and vomited during lunch. I guess all the negative attention I had received made this a traumatic experience and I soon began to develop this fear of vomiting while eating in public. This included restaurants, family parties, friend’s homes, etc. I was only able to eat comfortably at home. It then developed into the inability to eat prior to going out in public or before events such as (Dental/doctor appointments, music lessons, Recitals, school events, etc.). I would literally begin feeling anxious leaving the house and start dry heaving and potentially vomiting. To bypass this I would not leave the house till I was hungry or schedule appointments before breakfast. If I had eaten A meal at home and then my parents wanted to go somewhere or if something unplanned happened where we would have to leave the house I would immediately start getting anxious And start gagging and then vomiting. It got to the point where my parents did not know what to do and signed me up to see a therapist. At that young age, I was unable to articulate how I felt and just told the therapist I felt “stressed out.” I was given some relaxation and breathing techniques to listen to and follow. These in combination with the therapy session somewhat helped.
However, the symptoms lingered till high school where they would manifest during class potlucks, presentations, and even during lunch periods. I rarely ate out with friends and when I did I would first locate the bathroom and then attempt to eat and hope that I can keep the food down. Sometimes I would just start gagging and run to the bathroom other times I would get away with taking a small bite and taking the rest home. The symptoms started goin away around senior year, but soon resurfaced when I first started dating. I would never go out on dates that required eating, so it was movies or just staying in. It started to get really bad during prom and finals weeks. I was too scared to eat in fear of something unscheduled would pop up. I was very underweight 114lbs at 5’6” really frail.
I started college with still the same anxieties. Fear of eating in public, fear of eating before events, and fear of having eaten but then an unexpected event occurring. I just learned to avoid eating outside of home and to plan around eating. If an unexpected event occurred, and I had eaten, I would avoid that event at all costs. Once I started drinking, I noticed that I could eat normally when tipsy. I had no issues with going to restaurants with friends as long as I could drink. I would be anxious going, but after chugging a strong cocktail, I would feel totally at ease and eat everything. I would even order multiple entrees, something I would never do when sober. I thought I had found the cure, not the healthiest, but it allowed me to be normal. I was able to do this until I started having the same issues even when drunk. I then decided to see a psychiatrist over the summer of Junior year. I was prescribed Zoloft, but immediately suffered from increased anxiety and irritability. It was also during this time my family had hit a major financial issue and I was forced to work. I stopped taking the medications and never followed up with the therapist. I hated work at first, but soon grew accustomed. I rarely ate lunch, and when I did it would be in my car. But after time I started eating A small meal with coworkers and then eventually larger meals. To the point where I was able to go out to dinner a couple times with them. I also started gymming which increased my appetite even more. I also began to go out with my roommates and eat more often without drinking. I Still avoided dinner dates, and still planned around eating, but I felt like I was fairly normal.
This continued through graduation. And post graduation. The only times I would feel major anxiety with eating was after a night of drinking and having a major hangover, where anxiety mixed with the intense nausea from the hangover made it impossible for me to eat and almost always vomiting at the restaurant. Around this time I started dating my current girlfriend of 5 years, we barely went on dinner dates, but I would still try to take her out. My anxiety issues began to resurface once again preventing us from enjoying nice dinners with friends and family’s. Eating out was never the norm. Never ate with her family at restaurants only at home. She would want to eat out at certain places, but she knew I would not enjoy it so she kept it to herself. And this made me feel even more terrible, but she stuck with me.
Fast forward to the present, symptoms are even worse. I can barely eat when out at a restaurant. There is high anxiety when sitting at the table. Even after drinking alcohol. I start gagging and have to run to the bathroom. I am now starting to have anxiety when Ubers/Lyfts are involved. The thought of being in a car that is not mine and vomiting makes me highly anxious. Riding an Uber to a bar after eating makes me anxious and I start gagging while waiting for it. I still avoid unexpected events after eating. I avoid eating before going into public. The only place I can eat comfortably is at home. I tried to explain all these issues to my friends. They understand, but they tell me to just stay positive and not worry so much. I am both frustrated and embarrassed. I feel that I cannot provide my girlfriend with the normal relationship she deserves. I feel like I have let this anxiety issue dictate my entire life. I do not feel like I am in control. I have decided that I want to see a psychiatrist again and try a different medication. No breathing techniques, exercise, meditation had been able to cure this issue. I am just fed up with it and want to be normal, but more importantly give my girlfriend a normal happy relationship.
My apologies again for the long post. But I wanted to accurately describe what I have been living with for 20+ years of my life and how it has shaped me. I am somewhat relieved that others have this same problem. However, I need to find a resolution. I want to control this anxiety.
My anxiety is consuming my life:( 
Anxiety about sickness, eating and leaving my house
Do i have an eating disorder?
Here it comes again, i thought i controlled my anxiety:(
I can’t seem to eat with anxiety 
