Do any of you constantly, and I mean const... - Anxiety Support

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Do any of you constantly, and I mean constantly worry about your own demise?

kama24
kama24
43 Replies

4 years now and every morning I wake in FEAR. Fear that something is going to happen to me, that my time has come. I've wasted 4 yrs of my life obviously. I have tried every thing suggested but remain a pathetic wreck.

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Natzsteveo

Hi there that’s fear alright I live it everyday too it’s absolutely awful to go through and you will be surprised how many people actually go through it... it’s also known as health anxiety are you on any medications at all.?

Nat

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Starrlight

I’ve been in fear for a while too. Sometimes about death of people around me and myself and fear of many changes to come within the family. I had the anxiety take over and now I have depression on top of it. I just try to do something meaningful as I go about my painful days. I don’t know how to get out of it except immersing myself in a show or tasks I do everyday. kama24 and Natzsteveo I’m sorry you go through it too. You are not alone.

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Starrlight

Thank you for your reply. I'm a senior and I shiver every time I think of my age. I try to logic with myself, and I do have some good points why I should NOT worry but it doesn't help. The thought of a hospital or doctors appointment chill me. I too try to keep busy so I don't "think" but it creeps back in as soon as I open my eyes in the mornings.

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Starrlight
Starrlight
in reply to kama24

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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Natzsteveo

It’s awful starrlight is it my loved ones get mad with me too my husband gets very frustrated but with them not having this fear they have no idea they try bless them but they have no idea xxx

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Natzsteveo

My poor husband listens to me every morning same thing over and over even though I try to hold it in. Usually I'm shaking like a leaf to go along with it . I truly wish we could just turn off our thoughts.

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Boober180
Boober180
in reply to kama24

We can’t necessarily turn off our thoughts but we can curve them and prove them to be incorrect. Just think about it... You have not met your demise because you are here messaging us. So all that worry for nothing. Keep telling yourself that you are wasting your time thinking about it and you will believe it eventually.

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Boober180

Yes, my husband tells me I've "wasted 4 yrs worrying & I'm still here", don't think about it until you know the time has come......easier said than done for me. I will keep trying. Thank you.

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Boober180
Boober180
in reply to kama24

It took me years of trying before making progress and I work on it almost daily to maintain a better mindset. I got a life insurance policy and spend quality time with my children and hubby. I just eventually accepted that if it’s my time then it’s my time. I need to make the best of NOW and not let WHAT IF rob me of my PRESENT.

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Boober180

What you said is oh so true. My husband has such a positive outlook on life. I envy him. I know this is FEAR is causing me to lose quality time (I'm no spring chicken!) It's my hope that one morning I'll wake with no nausea or FEAR.

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Starrlight

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Natzsteveo

Yes I take Luvox, & another long named pill plus I alternate ativan and valium every other day. I am afraid to live and afraid to die. Pathetic isn't it? I've done a CBT class, go to group therapy and attend a support group.....still I fear death and as we know no one escapes it.

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Natzsteveo
Natzsteveo
in reply to kama24

No it’s not pathetic at all it’s a nightmare to go through... the only people who understand are people who also go through it I have done CBT all therapies and I’m the same I avoid anything medical too drs hospital etc? WhT a vicious cycle we live in...I think the fear is the not knowing part of it as I also believe it’s cuz we don’t have any control over it which is very scary... do you know when yours started what triggered it

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Natzsteveo

I had anxiety from the time I was 12 until my 20's....panic attacks...back then drs. didn't really acknowledge them. I went on Paxil and wow I had about 14 good years. It started to not help so I got the brain wave I'd ask the physciatrist to go to a new med. He weaned me off very very slowly. Next I noted extreme nausea from the moment I woke until bed. All kinds of tests were done but nothing found. I did everything suggested. After a year of nausea day and night I started with the FEAR as I call it. I say, I'm logical enough to know I'm being illogical ...but I still cannot shut it off. I'm afraid to live, afraid to die.....so I go day by day. It also has me trapped some days as I don't like to go out alone or drive alone. I'm lucky to have an accomodating husband who cares. I try to keep busy doing things but the FEAR is still with me. I guess we do just have to deal with it one day at a time. Take care

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Funkyfaerie

Dear Kama24,

I am not a young person, I have three children and eight grandchildren.

My Father died this year at the age of 90, and since I reached 60 and especially now, I just think how much time have l got left, what's the point in buying more clothes, quite depressed about it, and that horrible chill you get when you think about it.

I wake every morning in fear like you, but thing is we can't live wasting what we have left, I can't just sit here and wait impending doom. It is stealing my life and I want to be happy instead of afraid. I have lots of physical symptoms of anxiety too, muscle pain and unbalanced feelings and nausea, which I battle daily.

But one day I came across a small passage that Jeff1943 wrote, and it uplifted me. And he is so right, I hope this helps you too. Here it is, he wrote....

"You have absolutely no reason to believe your death is impending, expect to live to 90+, concentrate on living and enjoying being alive!"

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Funkyfaerie

Like you, I dwell on "how much time do I have"....hubby tries to reason with me & he is so logical yet nothing "sticks" in my head but fear. I've wasted 4 years of my life with this & I'm still here. I think of all the clutter I have accumulated and shudder. My biggest worry is that I will know I'm on my death bed and fear will over take me totally. I can only pray that in this day and age the medical professionals will keep me well doped. I was with my dad when he passed and I will never forget the helplessness I felt . As my hubby says...take it one day at a time.

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Funkyfaerie
Funkyfaerie
in reply to kama24

I don't tell my husband as I know he would be cross, but I've often thought I need to talk about it with a counsellor maybe.

I heard once that when it's your time to go, we won't be afraid.

We really do need to concentrate on being in the here and now, and not let this fear steal our life, their are many good times to be had. For me it's Jyst frightening how quickly time passes, especially watching my grandchildren grow up.

It's hard Kama, but it's not Just you.

xx

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Funkyfaerie

I know my hubby gets tired of hearing me talk of my fears but he tries to get me to see there is still life left and I need to try to overcome. I go to a group mtg. 2x a month. They seem to have it pretty well under control. There are different groups offered, run by a therapist. I also go to a physciatrist every few months but now days all they do is hand out the pills, they don't really talk, that's for a therapist. Our granddaughters are 14 & 16...time flew. I tell my husband that there are others like me, but I think he finds it hard to believe. Of all the things in life to be terrified of!!! My friend is a RN in a nursing home. She will listen to me, suggest meds to ask my dr. about. She says no one is left to linger and suffer they are sedated & unaware what is going on......I sure hope so. Hang in there!!

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Funkyfaerie
Funkyfaerie
in reply to kama24

I feel sad for you... Let's try and get on with life, wear our best clothes go out, mix with people, laugh talk, dance... We have to do that Kama, or are we going to sit around and wait?!

Keep in touch, and take care xx

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Funkyfaerie

If only I could. Something went wrong 4 yrs ago and it still has me in it's clutches. One thing though, once in a while I have an almost normal day and I make the most out of it I will just keep on keeping on :-)

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Funkyfaerie
Funkyfaerie
in reply to kama24

Sorry to hear that... Yes, one day at a time, ... ❤️

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dbeck128

Sometimes I get this really intense feeling I KNOW I'm about to die or my time is right around the corner. I thought I was the only one!

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kama24

I will feel like that for a second....any longer and its a panic attack!!! My mind takes me back to far too many funerals in my childhood age 4 and on. The wake was done a bit different in my era.

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56artist_

Fear what is it but a figment of our imagination if in fear do it in fear if a good thing you want to accomplish then once you do it then it no longer a fear I lived in fear 50 plus yrs now 57 childhood abuse 40 yrs anorexia recovery recently now I have no fear 7 yrs ago dying anorexia walked into mental doctors office for first time ever for Anorexia telling my whole life to a perfect stranger fear fear fear I made a step to get help in fear then now no fear I would be dead if fear would have stopped me my 53 yr Old sister would never drive over an over pass. I told her do it in fear wow she did it rubbing a penny one hand and driving with other penny distracted mind she drives over them now no fear she had panic attacks before now she conquered her fear wonderful many have fear of dying it is normal when it consumes you daily let the mind game rest u take charge fear does not need be in control you are be a proud strong soldier and walk tall fear then is like a grain of salt tiny I no this all too well 40 yrs fear food anorexia was a mountain now a speck of pepper I am now much larger than it ever was

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rrichardson

I feel like that sometimes. When I'm really stressed I tend to have those types of feelings. The dr told me it's part of my borderline personality disorder.

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Audiomarc1

I do. And my demise are, heart attack, hit by a car by someone else, suicide, in wrong place at the wrong time, trip down stairs and many other things when I'm having very bad day mentally. I believe in fate, like winning a lottery. That my fate is already been determined at birth. I've had close calls but my fate kicks in and it's not the time. It's scary and is a trigger for my other ilnesses.

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kama24
kama24
in reply to Audiomarc1

I understand. I worry about heart, stroke, cancer. It amazes me how such thoughts can just suddenly start & remain with us. At least I have now found out I'm not alone.

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oicuamy

That’s me everyday. No one believes what I feel and it’s very scary.

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kama24
kama24
in reply to oicuamy

I believe you. All the advice of "just don't think about it, " is useless. There must be some way to change our thinking, I just haven't found it yet. Take care.

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oicuamy
oicuamy
in reply to kama24

I was looking into going to a residential treatment center for anxiety and depression but I don’t know if I could leave my family for 30 days. These past couple of months have been hell. I’m thinking menopause might have something to do with it.

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kama24
kama24
in reply to oicuamy

I wish we had such centres here! It would be difficult to leave your family for a month but if it worked it would be worth it. I attended my group therapy yesterday & they were very understanding & talking helped calm the FEAR. This morning as per usual I wake with FEAR .......I still try everything suggested but to no avail.

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Nlp1999

Yep every morning I wake up and as soon as my eyes open I think of every bad thing that could possibly happen it’s horrible

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kama24

I can totally understand yet how do we rid ourselves of these thoughts? I think back to when I was "normal" and wonder how I got to this spot. At least I have seen due to all the replies that I am not alone. I do have friends who support me (not that it stops the FEAR). Here I am worrying about something that will one day happen & there is nothing I can do about it. I guess we just keep on keeping on.

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Audiomarc1
Audiomarc1
in reply to kama24

Kama24. You're in the hear and now. You're so correct. "One day it will happen and there's nothing we can do about it". I try to forget all my ways of dying. You know what, we can care about each other with our time left. I don't want to pass being unhappy and taking meds that may hasten our fate. Love and happiness to all.

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Purple_haze51

Omg yes everyday since my mom died in a horrible car accident at 45 years old . then i got in a big tour bus accident the bus lost its breaks going down a off ramp off the freeway we crashed into a car then a iron fence then a big tree that was right infront of a church thank god the tree was protecting the church but i flew out of my seat and landed on my back and neck and knees so i had to get surgery on my lower back and neck im still in a lot of pain from it. So now i have PTSD because of the accident i wont go on big buses anymore i get panicking even regular cars it drives my husband crazy but i cant help it. Then my dad got lung cancer i saw how much he was suffering how he couldn't breath how affraid he looked that he didnt want to die. Then one day me and my family were there visting at his house he died in front of me there was no way of saving him. So since that. Some freinds of the family died then a close friend had a bad stroke were she cant talk or walk anymore so i developed extreme health anxiety im in constant fear of dying ever little pain or i cant breath feeling i freak the heck out. I was going constantly to the hospital cause i thought i was dying of heartattack or having a stroke. Or sick with something. Im seeing theriapst and was taking medicine but i freakout taking medicine because of the side of effects so i stop taking them im at wits end i dont how to stop thinking about it it has ruined have my life with my childern then i got ibs so im constantly fear of shitting my self in public . so i dont go anywhere hardly anymore. So im very depressed about all this happing to me.

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Audiomarc1

Fate can be oh so cruel kama24.

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kama24

Oh my gosh, you have been through so much. No wonder you have anxiety issues. I took a CBT class a while back. It did give me some good tips for dealing with panic & other issues. I am very lucky that my husband "listens" to my issues although he really has no answers. Some meds certainly do have side effects, others no. Would you ever agree to try something different in prescription meds? How about joining a support group? I was told "the mind is the most powerful organ in the body" and I certainly believe it! As a child I was exposed to many funerals and relatives passing. I believe my fear started then. Visitation was totally different in the 50's. Many were laid out at home! I was told they were "asleep". Then we would end up at the cemetery & I'd see them put in the ground. As for my FEAR of the last 4 years I have no idea why it took over my life. I went off a medication I'd been on for about 14 yrs as it seemed to have quit helping. Yes, others were tried but the haunting fear of death over took me. My mother was in a car accident when I was about 3 and in pain 24/7 until the end of her life. Our daughter has IBS so I know what you mean. All the suggestion like meditation, yoga, accupuncture etc. did me no good. If anything, I find talking to people who have "been there, done that" the most helpful. My thoughts are truly with you. Hang in there!

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thyroidmom84

Hi everyone. I’m new to the forum- but health anxiety is taking over my life right now. I have gone from worrying about (and convincing myself I have) all of the following within the year- brain tumor, lupus, MS, RA, pernicious anemia, ovarian cancer, leukemia or lymphoma and skin cancer. The list looks crazy when I look at it now but I have been legitimately convinced I have had each of these things at some point and each thought has caused me a lot of pain. I have had numerous tests (waiting on an ultrasound about a small, swollen lymph node to come back any day now) and nothing seems to reassure me. Seemed to start with being diagnosed as hypothyroid/hashimotos thyroiditis while having postpartum anxiety. I really feel like my life is a shell of what it once was and it is hard to enjoy being a mom. I also spend way too much time checking myself for bumps and bruises, swollen glands, a bit of an OCD nightmare. Just wondering what has helped everyone out. Something recent I have been doing is instead of googling my symptoms, I google hypochondria/ health anxiety. Learning about others going through the same thing and relating so much to their struggles has really helped.

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kama24

I remember when I took a CBT class the one thing the therapist stressed was "stay off the computer" and don't go looking up different symptoms. Not so easy to do but I try! Over the past 4 yrs since the nausea and FEAR started I too have diagnosed myself with a slew of health issues....all proving to be none existant. I had so many medical test, all finding nothing yet I still worry. I take medications but frankly they do nothing. You name it, I've tried it! I still find talking to people who have the same issues to be the most help.....that and a few friends plus family who understand. Take care.

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jswfl09

Everyday. I'm 38. I buried my sister at 27 in 2015, my Dad at 64 last September and my Mom at 63 last December. I was very close with my parents. I spent this year cleaning out their house, selling cars, getting my sister who was reliant on them into a new home, etc...

I've had this bad feeling for a long time but the last few years have taken their toll. I've been to regular Drs, neurologists, ENT's, hospitals, etc. Hell I even tried a psychiatrist and counselor (both were no help but I also think the facility was garbage). I've had CT scans, a brain MRI, etc. I refuse to take anti-depressants. My only crutch sometimes is alcohol (only at night, maybe 3-4 times a week - I own my own business and have to be a functional human being).

I have finally gotten to the point that I just accept that things are what they are. I can't completely control what will happen. My Dad was sick and died... my Mom was not unhealthy. They had been married 41 years and she was heartbroken - dropped dead in her kitchen 3 months and 1 week after he died. I go by and visit all 3 graves here and then.

My only goal is just to live life and try to find joy here and there. What else can you really do at the end of the day?

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kama24

I am so sorry for what you have been through and for the loss of your family members. You are so young to have lost so much. You are right that we should just live life one day at a time and enjoy the good parts.

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anxietea

I go through the same thing. I do everything I possibly can to stay positive, but its just so hard. I'm trying transcendental meditation soon to see if it will help me calm down. My main negative thoughts are about how fragile and unpredictable our bodies are; that in just a second my body can be like "oh! it's time for a stroke" without any signal. I am in constant fear and have ended up becoming a workaholic because its the only thing that helps me not think of these negative things. I really hope you find something that can help you out. Have you tried cbt or cbd?

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kama24

Hi, I too try to think positive but when the FEAR is very strong I think I am going to die and things get worse Yes, I took a CBT class & it did teach me some tips on how to help myself. It just doesn't work very often I take 1:1 capsules with 2.6 CBD and 2.6 mg THC. I can't say they help my FEAR but yes they do help me to get a good nights sleep, then it starts over again the minute I wake. I've tried everything suggested. I hope you get help from the transcendental meditation . Take care.

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