Post Zoloft - day 9

Still got Zoloft in my system. Therapy was good yesterday. My psychotherapist assured me again that I’m not losing control/I don’t have anything other than panic and obsessive thinking.

I still feel a bit forgetful? Kinda like how you feel the second you wake up to recall a dream and it quickly slips away. I got that this morning and it always just feels like my brain isn’t awake since taking Zoloft, especially first thing in the morning. What causes this?

I freaked out again this morning and feel a little nervous now because of thinking of symptoms I experienced during panic and Zoloft (feelings of unreality, distance from my memories, weird feelings, etc.). I was thinking “what if I start getting paranoid and think objects around my house are coming to get me?” And I panic. This all happens after I read articles. Then, I keep thinking of a coworker who had psychosis and get terrified that’s what’s happening, but then I mentally slap myself and tell myself to snap out of it. It’s kinda crazy and ridiculous. It just feels scary in the moment.

My therapist went over my file with me last night and went over how he knows I’m not experiencing psychotic symptoms. I was able to tell him about the stress I experienced this weekend, and, weirdly enough, my legs were shaking? I wasn’t even particularly scared. I’m wondering if it’s Zoloft exasperating things, or if my body just suppressed things? The doc thinks I take stress and push it onto health anxiety... he’s probably right.

Part of what freaked me out this AM was that I was thinking of how, two months ago, I had the worst panic attack after waking up and had random bits of dreams pop in my head. They seemed like memories I didn’t remember, or like a movie? I discussed it with multiple professionals and a roommate said it sounded like disassociating. I just got scared because I did so much reading on schizophrenia, and somebody wrote this happened to them and I cried. I’m fairly certain it’s disassociation and depersonalization, but man.. I need to listen to the docs.

Back to work! I have sound design due today. Cheers ❤️

I feel reaaaaally sleepy this AM,

[Pearl67]

Hi there! Sorry things are a bit off😖 I would listen to your therapist. Sounds very good at his job. Anxiety can and will come out in very weird ways and it is very typical for anxiety sufferers to think they are “losing their minds!” But people who are truly in thr throws of psychosis never think they are. The brain disorder at the root of psychosis is quite serious and my heart breaks for those people! My sister and mother suffered from it😢 But I can tell you first hand neither of them EVER thought, “oh geeze, I think I am in psychosis!” Never. They ALWAYS said WE (everyone else) were Psychotic and THEY had the answers. Knew things we did not. Thought people we tracking them, etc., etc. Sad because it was NOT their fault. They got dealt a rough hand. Typically this happened when they decided they did not need medication....Deciding against medication for some with anxiety will simply bring back anxiety, NOT psychosis.

Anxiety is a liar. And all about tricking us into believing things that just are NOT real, although our feelings (!) get hijacked and believe it😖

Trust your therapist! And find comfort from his reassurance🥰