I'll say it right up front: I AM NOT ALWAYS GOOD AT THIS.
I'm better than I used to be thanks to lots of feedback, therapy, medication and Claire Weekes' audios. Tonight though - I just couldn't do it. On my way to a meeting that I attend on Tuesday nights I suddenly became more lightheaded than usual. Chatting with people beforehand I kept feeling like I might fall over. I didn't - I never do - but it was intense. I pulled my tools up in my mind while trying to stay engaged with my friends: THIS IS JUST A SENSATION AND YOU ARE NOT IN DANGER. I got through the conversation, but upon sitting I found myself feeling like I would fall out of my chair. I chose to wave the white flag of surrender and come home early. Not happy about it, but that's what I did.
Every spiritual practice or self help modality that I listen to talks about allowing the discomfort - that to do so is how it gets released and heals. I am willing to believe that this is true. Practicing it is sometimes a horror show, though. Apparently my threshold for discomfort was pretty low and having an oversensitive nervous system is just fuel on the fire.
I hear people say on this forum repeatedly, 'I just want to feel normal again'. I relate so much. However, I also know that what I thought was normal was actually just me coping in ways that did not allow my pain to process out, so the old normal isn't the goal. A new normal, a more balanced normal, is where I want to be heading. I so hope that all of the work I'm putting in to healing will pay off and I hope that I can allow the internal changes that will open me up to a life of freedom.
Thanks for listening, my Anxious Tribe.
Written by
JAYnLA
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Our journey is full of ups and downs and sometimes we measure success only when we get to the finish line but reading your post I think you were very successful ! The fact that you were able to pull your tools up in your mind and don't run at the first sign of discomfort is already something to be proud of.
It is remarkable how far you have come and how much you have learned about how to deal with anxiety !!
Today was just a little bump on the road ! Keep moving forward my friend , you are doing amazing !
You did GREAT!! You ROCK! Your recovery has been fantastic to watch. You may not realize it but at this point you are a mentor, coach and facilitator in the anxiety recovery realm. You bring so much hope and support to others here (and probably elsewhere). And little blips here and there don't change that. The blips are part of who we are. We will always be at least a little on edge. Nervous system like a Lamborghini, ready to go zero to 60 in 2 seconds So as you know, no need to overthink your experience tonight. As Dr . Weekes says, "Just keep moving forward at a steady pace"
I agree with you completely about the old normal. The old normal is not the healthiest normal, although we don't know it at the time. I believe that the new normal is 1000% happier, calmer, healthier, more balanced, and in many ways, enlightened. Welcome to the rebirth...
I am SO moved by your words, CM. Thank you so much - and I always enjoy reading your posts as well. Thank you thank you thank you. Rebirth. Amen to that.
Hey, absolutely need to pat yourself on the back. Anxiety gave you several jabs to the side saying it wanted to go home, but you kept hanging in there. Yes, it didn't go as planned, but you didn't let it have an easy time. You ignored it several times. You sat in the chair for as long as you could. This is really good and great. Sometimes our smaller steps don't seem significant to us, but they are. They're more stable gains....if you fall from them, it isn't something you can't get back to.
As for the normal, I think it becomes a rhetorical question. What is normal? There's a normal for me on benzos. There's a normal got me on antidepressants. And there's the normal I think I remember. It's hard because what is normal for the non-anxious might be a giant world of stress for us. The benzos make things feel, I think, a bit abnormal. They're too good. The antidepressants...I think people expect a benzo feeling without the addiction...I even wonder what I'm expecting from my Effexor. And what I remember....I mean I was anxious, I just didn't feel so terrible and have an attack. So what is normal? Lord knows.
It sounds to me you're making excellent strides even if you didn't win the battle. I know how you feel leaving and feeling like you waved a white flag, but some can't even make it out to wave it, let alone cope for that long. You have all the right mindsets, I think, much like a discipline, just some more practice and faith in your methods because it sounds like the right foundation is set. Keep on trucking, Jay, you got this.
Thank you Patrick - very much. I'm still too awake and can't sleep - not surprising - but coming online and reading what you've written is a shot in the arm - better than a benzo, really. Much appreciated.
Kudos to you for recognizing your limit and allowing yourself to get to a safe environment to process. That takes a lot of work to get to that point. Try not to see it as a setback, just a pause to process. What matters most is to keep moving forward. Keep using those tools. You got this! Prayers for continued strength.
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So as you know, no need to overthink your experience tonight. As Dr . Weekes says, "Just keep moving forward at a steady pace" 
I am very SCARED! I'm very scared I might stomach cancer or something else. Or is it my anxiety?
Anyone else going through this ? 
Free yourself from Anxiety
