Help please I'm new

[Justwanttobehappy]

I need help

New to this so hello everyone I'm struggling right now

I have generally no way to really start this but I was a young carer for my mum and dad at 11 I then lost my mum and dad when I was 21 and 22 in a short space of time I had a one year old at the time of this fell into huge debts and got pregnant with my 2nd the dad is in the picture but isn't at all sympathetic just tells me to get used to it I worked 12 he shifts for 3 years then my eldest son got diognosis of ADHD and my 2 now 2 year old is terrible two I suffer with OCD of thoughts and depress and anxiety anyway but latley I feel so low like I'm worth nothing I have nothing my children are really hard and I have a feeling they hate me and I try my best to give them everything I've tried breavment counceling but she couldn't get threw to me she said that I wouldn't open up and blamed myself for everything which I do all the time and then I have medication they keep swapping as none help or make me I'll I'm reaching a point where I don't know what to do anymore I love my children they are what I live for so of course I wouldn't do anything like suicide Asni can't do that to them after losing my mum like that and my dad threw heartbreak all i ever wanted was a happy family like I had and to be loved and my kids to have a happy life but I'm so angry and emotional at the world please any advice will help I hope I don't sound crazy and I'm sorry if I do please don't judge I wish I had my mum and dad right now they would no what to do I feel so alone

[satantram]

I don't have any help for you, but I really do want you to know from even an outsider's view, I believe you are strong and commend you for pushing through. I have a younger sibling who is absolutely terrifying to deal with, but I understand when you say children are often times the sole reason for not giving up. I thank you for reaching out even when in such a difficult situation. Have you tried looking for another councilor? It may feel not worth it but it helpful. I know it's cheesy, but you aren't alone and I bet you're trying your damn hardest to be a good mother and I am so proud that there is someone like you fighting so hard.

[Justwanttobehappy in reply to satantram]

Thank you so so much that message meant alot to me it's nice to know that people that don't know me think that because sometimes you think the people I do now are just saying I'm doing good because they are my friends if that makes sense I will always be there for my boys I love them they are my rocks! Thank you for being there and taking those few minutes out to tell me that ❤️ I wish you all the happiness you can get thank you xx

[Hidden]

You are worthy of love and joy. You’ve had to deal with a lot on your own and you haven’t had the reassurance that you’re a good person. I promise you, you are a good person and you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Remind yourself every day that you love and accept yourself despite the feelings of stress. It’s important that you get that into your psyche because you’ve been telling yourself that you’re not worthy for a long time.

[Justwanttobehappy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much people are lovley on here and have made me feel better you included thank you for that I try to be positive and think I'm here breathing and have two amazing children even if they are a struggle sometimes I love them but my thoughts get the most of me I will try more been back to the doctors and they referred me to counceller again so fingers crossed xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Justwanttobehappy]

I’m glad you’re going to see a counselor. You seem very capable. You just need someone to help guide your thoughts in a positive and helpful direction.

[Justwanttobehappy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much again I try my best for my kids they are the people that I live forever and i won't give up!! (I'm in a better mood today let's hope it lasts!!) Love to you all xx