Dont even know where to begin tonight, may... - Anxiety Support

Anxiety Support

48,902 members47,948 posts

Dont even know where to begin tonight, maybe this will help some of you???

Armyguy profile image


So Im Josh, im 33, been dealing with the stuff i have been dealing with for 3 years id say, been a long 3 years. I was told at first it was just anxiety, all in my head until the hospital discovered i had a heart arrythmia called SVT, its scary when it happens but more annoying than harmful they say.

I let this thing control me, control where i went, when i ate, how i ate, if i could go out with friends, even my relationship. I lost alot from it. Biggest thing i lost was time. Im more upset about the time i wasted worrying over things i couldn't control. Time is fleeting, loved ones wont be around forever, and i was sitting here under a damn cover afraid to stand up. Finally i had enough and just started doing what i wanted. Went back to work, went back to hanging out, in some ways back to my old self. Recently it started to come back. I am sitting here right now freaking out about my HR being in the mid to low 50s when i use to worry about it being above 90, feel like i cant win. An anxious mind is good at filling in the blanks with the worst case imagineable but you have to learn and its not easy how to silence that pesky voice, the what if voice. Came too far for this, im just wore out from worrying about it. I had a great year but this kicked back off and i feel like im where i left off a year ago, annoyed that its back and burnt out. I lost my CBT doctor for anxiety, he relocated across the country to Tampa Florida, which if anyone is down that way Dr. andrew reed is the best doctor for anxiety and panic. THE ABSOLUTE BEST, he worked 20 years with end of life patients and was army helping combat vets, he knows how to help you out of that dark space no matter how dark you think it is.

Now that i lost him, and my ex and i split last year, she got with another guy because she couldnt deal with it anymore, im on my own and alone. Not sure what to do. Feel like that scene in Batman Dark knight where the hospital blows up and Joker is just like "wtf?" Shrugging, me right now.

6 Replies

I’ve noticed with my anxiety issues that they flare up at certain points in my life, graduating college, divorce, loss of job etc. when it flares up I realize I need to do a lot more self care to get it under control. The worst thing you can do is panic. Support is vital. I go to two different groups for support, Codependents Anonymous and Celebrate Recovery. I also try to exercise more, keep a sleep schedule, and make myself get out of bed at the same time every morning. Considering your medical issue it wouldn’t hurt to get another check up and make sure things are ok. I also started Lexapro a few months ago and that has helped tremendously too. Anxiety is going to happen, those of us prone to it have to just know this and be ready to use our coping skills to get through bouts of it.

Armyguy profile image
Armyguy in reply to

O i been checked nothin to do over SVT, just annoyed with it all. One of the biggest bummers is the fact that my propranolol has stopped working. My heart rate isnt even responding to it now. It is what it is. Not much i can do.

Sorry you have been going through a tough time. I find this community to be helpful when I am feeling down. I just like to feel like there are others that can relate. I think it's great that you decided to take your life back. I know how bad it can get when you worry about your heart and your anxiety gets triggered because of that.

Armyguy profile image
Armyguy in reply to Worried-help

It sucks

Hi Armyguy, It's hard to slide back once you have overcome the initial problem and got

back to somewhat of a normal life. However, with the 2 losses you had in the last year, it's

not unusual for your body chemistry to change. You mentioned that Propanolol is no longer working for you. It might just be time for a doctor to make some changes in the

dose, the med or the time of day you take it.

Just recently I went to my cardiologist because my blood pressure was breaking through

the beta blocker. I would wake up with b/p sky high. His suggestion before trying me

on a higher dose or switching meds was to change the time of day that I took it.

That did it for me. Everyone is different but sometimes little tweaks in our medication can

help with the problem. I understand since you lost Dr. Reed, it's feeding into your feeling

hopeless and lost. I went through that myself with a doctor who understood me more than anyone else I had ever seen. I didn't lose him to death but to a specialty practice.

I felt like you. Who was going to take care of me? How would I get through the rest of

my life? The answer was "me". I had to now take some responsibility for my mental

health and start all over with doctors to support my physical health. So far, so good.

Meanwhile, like you, I look around and a lot of people in my life are gone either through

death or their own choice.

I hope you find a way around this. It is not the end but the beginning of a new path foryou to take once more. We are here to support you. You are not alone.

I too know all about anxiety. I am 56 and was a severe Anorexic since 14. I checked myself into treatment for the first time 6 years ago. I take a small dose of Sertraline daily. It controls my obsession with food and my PTSD. I will always be in treatment every 2 months. I see my mental doctor to keep me recovered. I have recovered and living. This support online is wonderful. There are no support groups for Anorexia where I live. I too recently divorced. It was a year-long process. The worst of it was I lost my 15- year- old son to this divorce. He took his father's side. Yes, I am 56 and have grandchildren the same age as my son. It happened though. I love that son so much. It hurts like hell. The holidays make it worse too. I remember what my doctor said. Remember those you love and enjoy the holidays. I have to or it will destroy me. No matter what we are facing. You be strong and we will get through it. My PTSD now that I have recovered from Anorexia is horrible. Those memories are what made me ill at 14. I had no idea of those memories until 2 years ago. They were repressed. At 54 and treatment my mind began to heal. Now those memories are painful. I have no fear. My real father raped me from age of 5 until 11. I could not control anything in my life. I control starve and that was my control. I have almost died so many times with that mental illness of Anorexia. You hang in there and be happy. Enjoy the holidays. Do not let life get the best of you. My battle has been won. I am recovered and you will be just fine. BELIEVE IN YOU! Love you! YOU can do this.

You may also like...