No one understand me, I feel lonely,useless and with no hope and energy

[sam0191]

Hi all,

I feel my life is ruined, Our financial situation in our home is not good, I had anxiety from I was a kid, Now I am both working and studying in college. Had a lot of problems in college before because of my anxiety. they drop me out of the college before for 2 years and now I am back, I decide to study another filed in college(it is the second semester), I couldn't go to college and I forced to work about 4 days a week and study from home by watching videos because I had to work and also because of my anxiety there. No one is supporting me in the family I feel alone, my mom wants me to work all the days and attend college at the same time. she doesn't understand anything else, always screaming at me and destroying me and she thinks that she is right and I am wrong!!!!!!!!!! It is very hard and I feel like I want to cry from inside. always we screaming on each other here. I feel useless, I went to three therapists in the past and they only helped me to a certain extent. I just want my mom to understand me and she isn't, we are at the same thing(screaming ) from the first time I attend college.5 years from now include the time I drop out off college. I don't have time to breathe, don't have friends in college, some homework needs a partner but I have no one. It is very difficult to study alone from the home where some homework needs a partner. I also start the second semester after 3 weeks because I had no money. my mom forced me to get a loan from my uncle, gone to the fourth therapist, after the first meeting, we schedule the second session to be today, I went there and he wasn't there, called him and he told me that it was a week before.!!!! ask me to call him later and he doesn't respond, It is like whenever I got some hope the life come and destroy it, don't have a girlfriend or friends. I know some of you will say that it is the life and I need to accept it but it doesn't help. I have some techniques to work on from my last therapist. sometimes I think to end my life but at the same time, I know that I couldn't. Even my last therapist who helped me the most then, told him that I still have some important problems to work on but he keeps telling me that I am ok and he makes my session every month/month and a half. I feel no future at all. I am stuck in the middle. sometimes I try to make some difference and had some ideas to work on but couldn't continue with them, As my energy goes after 2-3 days. I don't search for some advice or help, for now, I just posted to express my feeling as I have nobody to express my feeling with. No one can understand me here. I just dreaming to succeed in life, make relationships with people, have a girlfriend and Improve my financial situation and live a good life but keep stucks in the same situation for too long now. I feel like I am going to surrender. Anxiety just ruins my life even If I improved a little!!!!!!!!!

[Pearwig]

I am so sorry that you feel this way. Hopeless and helpless is the classic description of the many millions in our crazy world who suffer from depression. You don't mention that you are taking anti-depressant medication, so I should immediately go to your doctor for a prescription for some. It can take up to a month for any improvement, so until then you should rest. Beta-blockers may be advisable if you find yourself wasting emotional energy on worrying. The doctor may well sign you off any kind of work, both studying and employment. Your mother may not understand that depression is an illness which you cannot control by willpower. Try to do what you enjoy, and take tiny steps if you have to complete what seems like a difficult task. YOU WILL GET BETTER, BUT IT WILL TAKE TIME!

[sam0191 in reply to Pearwig]

Sorry that I didn't mention but I take a 40mg Seroxat every day, more than 2 years now!!!! It helps but it is not a treatment. My feeling are so comples sometimes that even myself couldn't explain what I feel!!! very hard

[pink318]

I’m sorry you are struggling. I hope your relationship with your mom will be fine and you will feel better from depression and anxiety. This illness is treatable by therapy and medications. I hope you can get the help you need to get well.

Please keep us posted, I hope you will be encouraged by the replies here in the forum and will be able to cope with your sadness right now.

I pray that you will be able to finish college and be successful. Please do not give up. You are in my prayers. God bless.