When is it going to end?

[anon99]

I feel like as soon as I start feeling better everything knocks me back down with a wall of bricks. I just keep telling myself people DONT know when they’re going to die. I just feel like an exhausted failure

[Agora1]

anon99, that's a part of life that makes us strong when the going is good and we get

knocked down once more. The thing is to pick ourselves up and forge through once more. You're right in that none of us know when we are going to die so why make that

the focus of each day. Live life to the fullest and know when your time is through on this

earth, you can know that it was a blast. xx

[anon99 in reply to Agora1]

I try to aim my focus other ways but I just cannot shake this horrid feeling that I’m going to die soon I can’t look at my family without getting sad and imagining them without me .

[Agora1 in reply to anon99]

It happens to all of us at times that we experience a death of a loved one and

our attention is drawn to death and dying. When we get obsessed with this thought

it is best to talk it over with a professional. It's not healthy mentally to feel so much

sadness all the time. It may be a chemical imbalance causing that feeling. xx

[anon99 in reply to Agora1]

My doctor just said anxiety and depletion of serotonin , however I’m not one to use medication so kind of stuck.

[anon99 in reply to anon99]

I just can’t convince myself it’s anxiety

[Agora1 in reply to anon99]

And that is what makes us stuck anon. Until we can accept anxiety, it will continue to play with our mind. I went through the same thing at the beginning of my anxiety. Doctor after doctor, test after test, meds, therapy.....I was going to prove

the medical profession wrong in that there was something physically wrong with me. The idea of

anxiety was uncomprehend able to me.

It took me years of therapy and doing my own research before I finally realized

I may be wrong. I accepted Anxiety as the culprit to my symptoms. From there

I found methods that would help get me off medication as well as therapy. For

me I use meditation and deep breathing, Mindfulness and Self hypnosis. It was a

new learning experience but I will tell you, once you no longer fight the fact that

it may be something catastrophic and accept it as anxiety, the symptoms decrease.

The fear decreases and with that the negative thoughts. You start to be in control

once again. Anxiety may sneak through but you will be better prepared in dealing

with it. No longer fearing it. Don't lose hope, don't give up. Stay Strong and stay

with this forum. Listen to what others have to say about their own experience with

anxiety. Pick and choose what may work for you. It can be done w/o medication

if you so choose. Life is Good anon. Believe that you will reach your goal in time. xx

[anon99 in reply to Agora1]

Thankyou that is really good advice . But how would I accept these feelings that I’m not going to die soon and see it as anxiety?

[Indigojoe in reply to anon99]

Because a faulty belief, that scares us, causes us to drop adrenaline, and feel the physical symptoms that we label anxiety.

[Nancyinoc458 in reply to Agora1]

Agora1, you have a great amount of wisdom! Thank you for your post! I’ve suffered with anxiety on and off for 40 years! I’ve been to many, many doctors and therapists. I’ve taken meds, too. Bottom line for me is acceptance. I am an anxious person. Mindfulness, deep breathing and prayer have helped me.

[Agora1 in reply to Nancyinoc458]

Dearest Nancyinoc, It wasn't about wisdom as much as it was about

my own life's experience. Like you many years of doctors, meds and

therapists only to find out I had the key the whole time. Acceptance.

Mindfulness Meditation, Deep Breathing and believing in myself have

gotten me to where I am today. Back in Control with my life. xx

Make it a great day!

[HK415 in reply to anon99]

I'm not a doctor or counselor, nor do I know your reasons for not wanting to medicate. But I hope you wil consider it, after talking with doc and doing your own research. One wouldn't tell someone 2ith poor vision that it shows weakness to wear glasses. Nor would they tell a diabetic that taking insulin is using a crutch. I look at anti-depressants the same way. They just help me get my mind to its "normal", so I can set about the business of my life.

[Indigojoe in reply to anon99]

" I can’t look at my family without getting sad and imagining them without me ."

I'm going out on a limb here.

If you read what you just wrote, from your post, above here, Your

" death [ crystal ball ]" reading, is ALL ABOUT YOU.

YOu might want to give some real honest insight to what this death thing is really all about.

I will bet you totally come up with what this is all about.

Let us know.

[anon99 in reply to Indigojoe]

How do you mean ? Sorry just a little confused by the comment

[Indigojoe in reply to anon99]

what part can I explain for you?

How old are you, and are you in the US or the UK?

[anon99 in reply to Indigojoe]

The part about the crystal ball reading is all about me . And I’m really not sure what this death thing is really all about .. I wish I did

[Indigojoe in reply to anon99]

When you predict the future, it is called " looking into the crystal ball".

(Since, THIS IS NOT A LIGHT-WORKERS FORUM the answers will play out a bit differently, than if it was )

We can not control the future, as far as I know.

When WE ( the anxiety group ) predicts the future, or tries to control the future, we get physical symptoms and obsessive thoughts that bring the adrenaline, and poof.............. off we go into the anxiety loop.

It is my opinion based on my beliefs and experience that : [I could be wrong, I often am, but here goes];

If you really knew that you were going to die,{ like soon}, a dying person might say, I am going to be so sad, when I leave them......

BUT You didn't say that.

Many dying people might say F- it, I'm going to climb Mt. Everest and die trying.... OR I'm going to sell everything I own and go on a cruise ship and sail around the world and eat, drink and love until they bury me at sea, OR now is the time to do mission work for the poor and starving .............whooo hooooo I'm gonna LIVE..........until.............

So, would you consider that Something triggered this ?

Give some thought to seeing if it will be beneficial for you to explore this with a trained therapist.

The therapist will help you get to the core of your belief and what triggered this rumination.

Then you get the internal peace you deserve.

Best of luck Anon99

[Agora1]

Well dear anon, I'm going to call it a day. I'll be on again tomorrow morning.

Wishing you Goodnight. This will all pass one day and you will feel joy again. xx

[anon99 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks

[Pontiac1979]

Every night before I go to bed I say tomorrow will be a good day and every morning I dread getting up not on any meds I just can't figure out what is really going on feel your are not alone

[anon99 in reply to Pontiac1979]

Same here.

[Agora1 in reply to Pontiac1979]

Pontiac1979, being positive in the words we say to ourselves is important but only

if we are willing to change or it just becomes a "wish" and not a "reality".

We all want to feel better the next day but then we wake up with the same negative

dread and the day is already ruined with that thought.

Even without meds, our thoughts can and need to be retrained. Over time, we have

established a habit in going to bed hoping that tomorrow is a good day and then BAM

same thing happens in the morning and we wonder "why"?

Sharing with others helps but we need to find what works for each and every one of us.

When morning arrives for me, as I open my eyes, before I even feel any dread of what

the new day may hold, I go into my deep breathing and meditation. For me, it's the key

to starting my day on a positive note. You will find what works for you. The rest will happen with practice and in time. x

[Pontiac1979 in reply to Agora1]

Tks for reply but I just can't seem to think meditation and deep breathing will help with I was always the person that never worried about anything always had a great outlook on life liked helping people more than I expected help the people changed so much in the last 10 yrs I can't believe it I drive truck I used to just love it if I told you half of what goes on when I'm driving it would curl your hair I usually don't like to be neg I hate it there's really no point in it but that's what I turned into and not sure how to get back tks again for your reply

[Agora1 in reply to Pontiac1979]

Pontiac, since we all respond differently as to what works for us, we need to explore all options. There are many methods on YouTube that I go through until

I find one that makes a difference for myself. Short of medication and/or therapy,

unfortunately the rest is up to us to find. Just thinking of the stories you must have

in driving the truck gets me anxious. I do hope you find something that will bring you back in having a great outlook on life once more. You deserve that. xx

[Pontiac1979 in reply to Agora1]

Tks have a great rest of the night

[Indigojoe in reply to Pontiac1979]

You are not alone in what has happened to you. If you have been OTR with TAH 1wk per month, almost everyone in your position is going through the same stuff right now.

Stay off talk radio and listen to your favorite music, to get back to some kind of normal.

[Ckd123]

Hi Anon, I’m also going through the same thing. I have been for three years with good and bad days but since my uncle passed away 6 weeks ago, it’s been everyday and has become an obsession. I never stop thinking about dying and leaving my four kids behind. I know where this fear started but I still don’t know how to accept it. I’m 35 and my own mum died when she was 32, leaving four young kids behind, I do not want my children to experience the loss myself and my brothers did. 23 years later and I still feel the loss, I miss her so much still. Mum died from cancer but that’s nit my biggest fear, I fear sudden death more especially heart attacks. I don’t know what to tell you as I’m miserable at the moment, just know your not alone xx

[Rosie1969]

I can understand not wanting medication, SSRI's make my anxiety and depression worse, however, I do feel a benefit taking 5HTP instead.

[Nancyinoc458 in reply to Rosie1969]

I don’t do well on SSRIs either. What is 5HTP?

[Rosie1969 in reply to Nancyinoc458]

Hi, you can get 5HTP from a health food shop, I get mine from Amazon. But do have a google and do your own research. I'm no expert and my aspergers makes it difficult for me to explain the science but in a nutshell....As I understand the SSRI's affect how the uptake of serotonin works but my thoughts were that if I don't produce enough serotonin and melatonin naturally in the first place, then the SSRI's can't work. My choice is to supplement to raise my levels. so far so good.

I believe that the reason some people don't improve on SSRI's is simply because they aren't producing enough seratonin naturally..... think along similar lines to women who use HRT...some don't produce enough oestrogen and need to supplement and some don't. Some women produce enough hormones naturally and some don't. Some men/women produce enough testosterone naturally, some don't and need to supplement. If this happens with sex hormones, to my mind, why would it be any different with seratonin/dopermine etc ? Some produce enough and they might need regulating, some don't and they need supplementing.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense (I'm tired) but will gladly try explain further if needed xx

[Nancyinoc458 in reply to Rosie1969]

Thanks, Rosie! Your post makes sense to me, and I thank you for the information!

[Ocdrecovery]

Wrong question to be asking. Change your mindset to come on you son of a bitch!!! Give me more anxiety!! Then it will leave