2 basic misunderstandings...

[RAB888]

and

2. That the past and the future exist independently of our thinking. They don’t. The past is gone, it’s over. The future is simply a useful concept that we can use either to spur ourselves on to some desired goal, or else to scare ourselves with apocalyptic scenarios if we so choose. We have that power, but all that really exists is the here and now.

[cazmarelda]

We are all unique individuals and to my mind, we are all products of our experiences and they are from the past. It is good to look forward but when we do there is an element of our past experiences that we use when looking forward. I know only one thing for sure and that is that I can hope and prepare all I want for the future I would prefer but most of it will be what it is.

I have had some bad experiences in my life, that have shaped me, to be the woman I am now..My only full sibling took his own life 32 years ago. I cannot say 'That is the past, let it go'. He is in my past, not in the present and not in the future. I have lived with the fear that one of my sons would perhaps choose that way out and so I have been more forgiving of them and allowed them more leeway that I would have, had not my brother ended his life.

I look in the mirror and see the scars inflicted on my face by a controlling ex. I have psychological scars also from abuse, by him and other men. I decided at 50 years old there would be no man in my life again. No husband, partner, lover, all based on my past I made that decision. I live alone with my two little dogs. I have few close friends for I have trust issues, that I once never had, perhaps I was too trusting in my past?

We all live in the now but that now must be shaped by the past, It is not gone, for even if it was beautiful, it is still the biggest part of who you are and why you are the way you are. I wanted to raise my sons and then foster children, in some great barn of a home, full of love and laughter and with a man who was my equal and the love between us would be total.

It was perhaps the child in me that wanted to re-create a childhood I never had and it was, for sure, the woman in me who wanted the total equal love of a man, There was just not enough of that woman left who could trust another man again, to perhaps find that love.

I do not live in the past but it made so very many differences to what I believed in and who I trusted, that it changed me so much. I live in the here and now and let few people close enough to cause me any pain, another learned experience, I worry not about the future, it will be what it will be and some may have some influence on a practical level but emotionally and psychologically, you have none, believe me.

There cannot only be the here and now, for who are we in that here and now? We are products of all the experiences, both good and bad, that have shaped us. It is not me who is in the here and now, it is the woman who I have become through so many experiences both good and bad. Had I had different experiences, then perhaps in the here and now would be a woman who loved a man so and had a great big barn of an home full of children and love and laughter. No, the past is not gone and over, it is who I have become.

My career was with children of all abilities and I loved every minute and I would rent those big barns and they would be filled with the laughter of children and other workers. So many children and young people would say 'I wish we could stay here forever' and so did I but I found a way to make a little of that dream come true, even in the chaos of my life. I had to take early retirement after I was beaten so badly by my ex bur I did work with children and young people for enough years to hopefully have given them so many opportunities. I grieved my career for although my past. I had studied and worked so very hard to be the best I could be.

I wish you well

[RAB888 in reply to cazmarelda]

Thank you for your reply.

I'm sorry for your loss and for hearing about your painful experiences in your past, but believe me it's only with your 'thinking' that you can go back into the past, unless you have learnt to time travel like Dr Who.

And why would you want to remember those past experiences unless you want to live with the same painful feelings created by your thoughts?

If you listen to what the wise people tell us, there is only the NOW. The past is gone, you cannot change it, you need to forgive and forget, and let it go to achieve happiness.

By carrying our baggage (memories ) from the past we get in our own way.

I am telling you what I know to be true.

We are all one thought away from perfect happiness and only one thought away from sadness.

It depends on which you choose.

I commend you on your career working with children.

best wishes to you