27 & desperate to my change my life but feel like I’m stuck in concrete - Help!

[HannahWright152]

Hi all!

This is my first time posting on here, but after lots of googling, I need some one on one advice from people who can help me change and people who’re feeling the same & can also gain some peace from whatever replies I get.

So, back in 2016 after a series of misfortunes, I had a breakdown & suffered from multiple panic attacks & unfortunately developed anxiety from this, this resulted in me not being able to leave the house, walk the dogs around the block, get in a car or see my friends, I overcame this by pushing myself little by little & having private therapy. I still get nervous about lots of things, I still can’t go on trains & I’m not comfortable being a passenger in cars.

But in 2017, after working for overweight & overpaid abusive men, I bravely quit my job in December without a job to go to & didn’t work for 2 months, this was hard as I beat myself up overthinking “this is my time to make a change!” But in the end, after many interviews, I got a full time job, paying the same as my previous job in admin.

But every single day I feel so desperate to change my life, I feel like I have this burning fire in my chest, desperate to be released and help me develop into a better version of myself, but honestly I have no idea how to make the first change ..

I hate my body, I have always had a great metabolism so have relied on that to remain slim, but I hate how pale and skinny I am, I don’t have boobs at all either & I’m just so self conscious sometimes I feel like I can’t leave the house and face the world. I know if I want to change my body, I need to work on it, but I’m unmotivated to do it & I have IBS, which affects me, but again, unmotivated and or lazy to change my diet.

I hate my job & not knowing what to do, I’m conflicted as to what I want to do with my life, I want to be happy in my career but I also need to earn enough money as I want the nice things in life, like a house in the country, with dogs and enough money to be stable (maybe a pool, maybe not). All I’ve done since I started work is flit from job to job, I started out in retail to office work and I strongly dislike both of them.

I haven’t ever been on a plane either .. I don’t even know where to start with that, but I’m deeply ashamed of this as everyone goes on holidays and travels and I can’t even get on a train.

I haven’t been on a date in a couple of years, haven’t had sex for longer, I’ve been on a dating app just to dip my toe in, but it’s terribly boring which is fine as it isn’t for everyone. Men are attracted to me, but I always say I’m not interested, probably because I’m shy and insecure these days.

I just need some guidance, I need help, how do I change my life & see places outside of my hometown in which I live and work (hate myself for this too, that people go all over the country to do fun things & I don’t, I can because I can drive, but I don’t and I don’t know why I just do it!?) but anyway, I need some serious advice ..

Thanks in advance!

[Sillysausage234]

Hi Hannah,your being far too hard on yourself 🙋🏻‍♂️

[HannahWright152 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thanks Alan, you’re right!

[Sillysausage234 in reply to HannahWright152]

Your welcome Hannah,do come on here and interact more it helps with feeling down talking about it have a pleasant day🎶🎵😊

[Krazie]

Have you thought about professional treatment? I cannot diagnose anything,,as I am not a professional, but it seems to me that a professional can help you get to the bottom of this.

I am sending hugs of comfort and blessings to you.

Best of wishes.

[HannahWright152 in reply to Krazie]

Thank you! I take St Johns Wort which suits my anxiety, I’ve had therapy & CBT in the past for my anxiety. I was debating seeing a life coach.. what do you think?

[Krazie in reply to HannahWright152]

I am happy that St. John's Wort is helping you!!

I don't think we are in the same country. I never heard of a life coach. It it is similar to a counselor, who helps people work through their problems, learn coping skills, then, sure, it's a great idea.

You have some great ideas about how to help yourself, and I believe that shows an inner strength.

Best wishes, Hannah!

[CAM0005]

I was going to suggest a Life Coach who I think will be able to give you guidance and get your life back on track. Good Luck!

[Lymeforyears]

Hi Hannah,. First off please give yourself a huge pat on the back for overcoming your bout with agoraphobia. I've had several times in my life where my anxiety and low self esteem caused me to leave jobs and become unable to leave the house. Once At a time I had major anxiety and could not leave the house my boyfriend got sick and I had to get out there and pay the rent. I took a lower paying job but was also slowly able to pull myself out of not going out. I still have major anxiety being in lines at the grocery store or gas station and many many situations but I do manage. You did it before you can do it again. I would change a lot about my physical appearance if i could but it will take a lot of therapy to learn to accept myself. I am doing well with Meditation and private therapy myself. You have such an inner drive and dreams and that is so important. I love dogs as well and dislike public transportation. I had a15 year relationship and am currently in a 10 year relationship and truthfully I had way more respect for myself when I was completely on my own. You will meet someone when u are ready but you know so many people like myself get into relationships out of neediness even though I'm strong and u are are soooo not needy. You are strong and independent. You are doing way better than u think. 💛💛💛💛. Go back in your mind to where u were when u couldn't leave the house and do similar things to get u the changes you want. I know u can do it 😀😀