Still struggling : Guys..I’m trying, I... - Anxiety Support

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Still struggling

Kris5
Kris5

Guys..I’m trying, I really am. I am STILL suffering through this whole idea that I have pancreatic cancer. I thought maybe after the CT if I gave It time, I would feel better but I just don’t. I feel awful. I feel like the stomach pains are becoming more frequent.

Yesterday I wasn’t googling as much but today I have been. “Pancreatic cancer can be missed on a CT.” “Pancreatic cancer wont show up in blood work all the time.” “25 year old diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.”

I’m fighting this internal battle with myself and it’s driving me absolutely crazy. It’s affecting my job and my relationships. I keep asking myself, what if this time I’m right. What if this time I do have this. I need to get checked by another dr, I need to push for more testing.

I can’t eat, I have no appetite, I’m exhausted, I feel weak. I feel this pending doom over me.

I feel like a broken record, like an annoyance. I don’t wanna feel that way on top of everything else.

26 Replies
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Hidden
Hidden

I’m sorry you’re going thru this Kris5. I don’t know about pancreatic cancer but I have been OCD about other illnesses before. I have also had a problem with thoughts that would not leave me alone and that sounds similar to what is happening with you I think you need to see a psychiatrist to help you thru this. I just think you are terrified of cancer. We can create pain in our body—especially when we are terrified of illnesses in that region of the body. Are you on meds or do you have a psychiatrist you could talk to?

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Hidden

Okay. I just went and read some of your other posts and I think you may be just having a breakdown over what you went thru awhile back. You definitely are punishing yourself because of what happened and it’s driving you to a bad place to where you can’t even eat now. You have decided that God is going to punish you and you are obsessing over all types of scenarios for him to do so. But I feel such compassion for you and I am only a human—then how much more compassion God must have for you!! I have had a glimpse of Gods love and believe me. It is much stronger than you think. Maybe if you talk to someone about why you made the decision you did and come to grips with it within yourself somehow you could move on. I am so sorry for your pain. If you need to pm me that’s okay. I think you need to talk this trauma out. It is tearing you up inside.

Kris5
Kris5
in reply to Hidden

I am seeing a therapist tomorrow and a physiatrist this Wednesday. I was on meds but I was very irresponsible with them and stopped taking them. Do you really believe that anxiety can make symptoms worse? Because just today, I was sitting in my car, and my lower back started hurting. And I was like ok, could be the way I’m sitting, then it just didn’t stop, and it’s all I felt and it will not go away. Because I’ve always wondered if that was possible. Thank you so much for your reply, It really does mean a lot.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Kris5

Yes anxiety causes heart palpitAtions and as a matter of fact my lower back has been in agony and now I have a severe headache and I know it is from anxiety. I feel like you are super hard on yourself and you are definitely punishing yourself. You feel a pain and your mind grows more and more anxious and the pain gets worse cause you’re tensing up and it is a vicious cycle but it feels so darn real it is hard to differentiate between what is physical vs mental. I’m happy to talk to you any time.

Hidden
Hidden

As I mentioned last time, a simple blood test can often times be conclusive.

lustgarten.org/get-informed...

Kris5
Kris5
in reply to Hidden

I got my labs drawn in the Er and everything came back perfect, & still I feel this way.

Darryl
DarrylAdministrator

How similar are the thoughts you have, today, to the thoughts you had a while ago during your lumbar puncture?

Kris5
Kris5
in reply to Darryl

Hi Darryl, they are similar. Very much so. I guess now that I’m in this right now, its feeling 100 times worse than the last time

Kris5, I had a neighbour who died of Pancreatic Cancer 3 years ago, he was 65. There was no problem diagnosing him. Even if all these tests aren't 100% accurate Doctors have a feel for diagnosing these things, they know. He didn't have any stomach pains by the way but he lost half his body weight.

Stomach pains are probably the most common symptom of anxiety disorder. And you know you have anxiety

After all the medical attention you've had it's clear to everyone reading your posts on the subject that it's extremely unlikely that you have a major medical problem.

Your anxiety disorder has taken the form of an obsession. An idee fixee as the French call it.

Come on, Kris5, it's time to let go of this. It's time to put this pancreatic stuff behind you and get on with your life, your job and the people in your life.

You can either see your doctor and ask for a short course of fast acting tranquillisers like diazepam or xanax. Or you can just accept that you have an obsession due to anxiety disorder and that knowing you are in no danger just accept the strange thoughts for the moment. Accept them because the obsession is being kept going by the fear hormones you are constantly pumping out and are keeping your nervous system in a state of high sensitivity.

I know you are brave as you've put up with a lot but remember the wise old saying: The brave man dies once, the coward a thousand times. (Same goes for women).

The illness you have that must be addressed is your anxiety disorder, everything else is just symptoms of anxiety that will yield when you free yourself of the anxiety disorder.

Darryl has reminded you of the lumbar problems you were stressing about some time ago. I see that you were stressing about having the ebola virus three years ago. Ask yourself: did you actually have either of those things? Doesn't this fear of PC fall into the same category?

You're in no danger, everything is going to be o.k., you can relax.

Kris5
Kris5
in reply to Jeff1943

I’m so sorry to hear about your neighbor, Jeff.

I know I sound crazy and I hate to continue to complain but I get so trapped in my head that I feel like I’m going to lose control. I’m seeing a therapist tomorrow morning and I have an appointment with my phycologist on Wednesday to get back on medication. I am going to ask for a fast acting medication to have on hand, just incase. Generally I’m weird with medication but I feel so awful that I’m willing to take It. What does being in a high state of sensitivity mean?

I can’t thank you enough for the time your giving me and the advice your sharing.

Jeff1943
Jeff1943
in reply to Kris5

Kris5, you have been given some excellent advice by many people here. What darkshadow said was most to the point: the fear you are putting yourself through is worse than many illnesses.

I think you are right to ask for the respite that medications can bring. And because most anti-anxiety meds take up to 4 weeks to fully kick in I think you are right to ask for something quick acting like diazepam or xanax to tide you over the 4 week period.

You ask what a high state of sensitivity means. I was referring to the way a long period of stress causes our nervous system to become over sensitised and in this state it plays tricks on our mind. One of these is that it exaggerates all our minor concerns into major worries and obsessions. Every strained muscle or tendon becomes cancer, heart failure or some other lethal illness.

The fear that this causes releases stress and fear hormones that act on our nervous system to maintain it in an over sensitised state.

Kris5, this I suggest is what you are doing: frightening yourself half to death every five minutes and the fear hormones this produces maintains the nervous sensitivity.

Forgive me if I've told you this before but there is a way to stop the fear which will allow your sensitised nerves to recover.

It relies on accepting all the symptoms for the time being instead of fighting them. Fighting causes stress and tension, you need less not more of those. Acceptance means allowing the symptoms and obsessions to come in the full knowledge that they are fake and are not life threatening.

I'm not going to explain further at this time but when you are more settled I suggest you read the book 'Self help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes obtainable from Amazon or ebay. It will offer you understanding, reassurance and a road to recovery without the need for permanent medication. But at the moment bearing in mind your anxiety is overwhelming you are right to ask for the quick relief that medications can bring.

Kris5, you are going to recover from this and you will emerge stronger and wiser when you regain your quiet mind.

I had something very similar happen to me. Two months ago my mom had a heart attack and she has congestive heart failure. The doctors told her she should have noticed the signs before it got this bad. For the last month I have had stomach pain, left side pain and back pain. Of course I got on google and was obsessively looking up what it could be. I self diagnosed myself with kidney stones, cancer or an abdominal aortic aneurysm. I swore up and down that I had something serious. I went to the ER last Thursday and they ran blood work and even did a CT and found nothing. I realized my anxiety has manifested into physical body pain . It’s very common to have stomach, chest and back pain and also neck pain with anxiety. It can feel like something serious. All the tests and reassurance from a doctor won’t help. I realized I have to work on my anxiety. It’s learning to be okay with the unknown and uncertainty. Trust me I get where your coming from. Of course then I looked up hypochondria and I have all those symptoms. It’s feeling real pain but it not being explained with tests being done. Obsessively looking up symptoms and marching your symptoms to certain diseases. I am not saying you have hypochondria but I know I do and it’s a tough thing to deal with because the pain and ailments are real. It’s anxiety manifested into physical bodily symptoms. I wish you the best of luck with dealing with your anxiety and I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Our anxious mind can play tricks on us so I know it can be hard to settle our anxious minds. Sending good vibes your way

Perkofwallflower, I hope your mom is doing much better now! I can’t Imagine how scary that must have been for the both of you.

I’ve actually never once looked up hypochondria. I’m always to worried about the other things. I’ve been told many times by many people that I have that and I always laughed It off or ignored It.

Are you still feeling any of those pains in your stomach or back? Today for me, it’s my back. 😣

You were ok with what the ER drs told you even though you still felt the pain?

This takes a lot of work to get through mentally doesn’t It?

I was okay I still had some pain but now it’s only back pain but I looked it up and it stays it won’t go away until I work on the anxiety. It did take a lot to get through it. I cried in the room when he left because I realized it prolly was my anxiety. He didn’t make me feel bad or anything but I could tell he knew it was my anxiety. He ran a lot of labs from my blood and even did a CT scan and the report came back normal. And he even showed where they checked for Doppler flow in the kidneys for kidney stones.

My mom has surgery on her heart in two days so of course I am super nervous about that 🙁

Hidden
Hidden

How are you.

Do everything that you need to do to rid yourself of this awful fear. Demand a thorough check up and then believe them when they tell you you do NOT have pancreatic cancer. The fear you are putting yourself through now is more harmful than many illnesses. Put a stop to it.

Kris5
Kris5
in reply to darkshadow

Darkshawdow, I’ve seen my primary dr and a GI specialist, I got blood work in the Er and a ct that came back normal besides a cyst on my kidney. Do you think that’s thorough enough or is there something else I should be doing?

darkshadow
darkshadow
in reply to Kris5

If you have or had a scan in the area of your pancreas, and it is or was clear, then you have no worries on that score. I know how ill bad nerves can make you especially your stomach. You could try Kalms from the chemist.Take one 15 minutes before a meal and see if that makes any difference to what you can eat. Let me know how you get on.I know how you feel. It's really nasty.

Totally agree with darkshadow and also to add I know you don’t feel like eating but not eating you’ll feel worse for try something little :)

Kris5
Kris5
in reply to Mariapalmer

Mariapalmer, I will feel hungry for a minute and then It goes away. I have no appetite whatsoever. I’m trying to eat little things but it’s extremely hard for me to get down. 😥

Mariapalmer
Mariapalmer
in reply to Kris5

I get how hard it can be honestly , try either biscuits or crackers to nibble on , things you can put down and pick back up x

Kris5
Kris5
in reply to Mariapalmer

Crackers I can do!

Mariapalmer
Mariapalmer
in reply to Kris5

Have crackers then, literally anything you fancy or can handle just try and eat it , it’ll stop you feeling even worse :)

How are you feeling now, Kris? I've been thinking of you. I'm going through Hell myself.

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