So right now, I am beyond frustrated and feel alone. I can’t seem to find people that will give me the support that I need. Maybe I can get some support here.
My mom is terminally ill. She has cirrhosis. I have felt so alone with my emotions and my thoughts. Family wants me to get over things and not dwell on them. Easy for them bc they didn’t experience my life as a kid. Granted the past is gone, but it has also made me who I am now.
People just don’t understand. My mom has always been the one I go to. We had a love/hate relationship, but we always gravitated towards one another. I love her and know that I will miss her tremendously. I also realize that part of died when my dad passed away. She was with him till his death. She went into a shock and had to be rehabilitated until she was ok again. She was never the same. I don’t blame her.
Right now she is suffering with all the meds and not eating as she should. She is on her journey to what I believe is my dad, grandparents, but most importantly God. I am going to miss her tremendously. The anxiety, stress, and depression has really weighed on me. My aunt tells me not to over analyze and do things with my kids and myself, yet expects me to be there for my mom everyday. It’s too hard right now. I was her caregiver for 10 months. I saw her through the worst of the worst day in day and day out. Times she didn’t want to take her meds. Times she didn’t want to eat or exercise. And all I hear that is said behind my back is how I didn’t try hard enough. Really??! Wow!! I am one person and have had a lot of personal baggage to carry. Why can’t they see that? I wish I didn’t care, but I am who I am. I have such a huge heart and can’t stay angry at people... God help me.