so, i had been convinced for months now that i had a very rare syndrome. as soon as it started to get better and my anxiety would slowly go away, out of nowhere i get the pains again and every single time it happened yet again it seemed like intrusive thoughts would just increase! i would stay up all night googling symptoms, and the insomnia it caused me was insane. I had convinced myself I had PGAD, and my body wanted to believe it too.
i would wake up in the middle of the night with adrenaline rushes flowing throughout my body insanely, all my brain could conclude was that i had this syndrome. but, anxiety never sleeps, and i didn’t realize it before. i would have a nightmare about this, and wake up in nearly sweats. my body was pain when i woke up, i didn’t know what to think!
i thought doing certain things would make it worse, but in reality my brain was just trained to believe it and my body would react, because i feared it. now i understand how powerful my brain is and how eager it is to protect us, and i feel when we have anxiety our brain becomes overprotective, therefore making our nerves hypersensitive.
when our nerves become hypersensitive from anxiety, everything feels incredibly real—and what we feel from anxiety/panic attacks is real to us. when you have a deep rooted fear, your brain wants to protect you from it, but sadly it does it in all the wrong ways that just leave us uncomfortable and even more anxious.
i’m learning to teach myself to acknowledge that it is anxiety, and ACCEPT IT! anxiety wants to leave just as much as you want it too, but if you still have fears, it will not leave. this is the one i’m stuck on—getting rid of my fears. it sounds nearly impossible to me, but reading hope and help for your nerves by dr. claire weekes has helped me even in just a few days. i’m not even remotely close to recovered, but i’m grateful that i have the knowledge to recover, unlike others who fear it’ll never leave.
i have such a terrible fear of PGAD. a fear that has caused me so much physical pain. my brain became trained to believe i had it, it would begin to mimic the symptoms i would read online. the thing is, i don’t feel the symptoms unless i’m anxious or think about it. it is such a bad fear of mine and i go through phases where i feel no hope, and that i will never get over the fear, leaving me hopeless and unable to recover.
but think about mental health recovery as in a way an addict would — relapse is a part of recovery. therefore, if we are having great days then have a bad one, it does not mean we take 1 step forward and 1000 steps back, it means we are getting better and our nerves are hypersensitive which takes time to heal. bad days do not mean hopelessness, in fact, it gives you the perfect opportunity to use your willpower and the coping mechanisms you have learned. (do not mistake coping with avoiding, confront your anxiety, let it know you are not scared and just go with the flow.)
i had a bad night, it’s currently 7am and i still haven’t slept. sadly, since i developed the fear of PGAD sleeping has been practically nonexistent for me. but i do not let bad nights tear me down, i think of it as way to confront my anxiety, and tell myself there’s always tomorrow to have a good night sleep. i cannot be mad at myself, because temper is something you don’t want when trying to recover.
i have to remind myself to not seek recovery and trying everything in my power to get better overnight. recovery sneaks up on you when you’re least expecting it, but usually after willpower, refraining your brain, and effort it will happen.
i just thought i’d make this post because a few people have messaged me about health anxiety, and these are the key things i keep in mind and my change has been tremendous. if you ever need someone to talk to, i’m always ready to talk!