Why do I always compare myself to others, how do you start self loving?

[begentle51]

I suffer from GAD and have read lots of different books to try to help me understand what I’m feeling. I can go for weeks/months feeling good then bam! GAD takes over. I always compare myself to others, how others seem to have it all figured out. They all seem happy, settled, not suffering inside. I think others look at me with negativity n judging me all the time.

How do I stop this? Is it time to look beyond and maybe start some self loving, but how?

I find that so hard

Once I’m in my dark place nothing makes sense ☹️

[Pudding098]

Hi begentle51, i suffer from GAD too and also been recommended to go along the lines of self loving. I have tried self loving, and up to now my progress with it is good. Apparently repeative thoughts are like formed electrical currents in your brain (probably more technical than that) so it easy to think the same negative thoughts if theyre are thought a lot, its easier as the current is already formed and well used. So self loving creates new currents, which is hard at first but does get easier. I started with one negative thought. So for example, Im not as good everyone else. Everytime im about to think that i stop myself and think a positive statement like 'Im unique and have my own special qualities' sometimes it helps to write it down too. You must try not to argue with yourself and bring another negative thought into it. Sometimes meditating it can help so chanting or just rethinking it over and over. Or a technique i found really good, pick a song you really like, everytime you start turning that positive into a negative tell ypurself no, stop and start singing the song in your head or reciting the lyrics, concentrate on the meaning of the song (best to pick a happy song) even if you have to sing a few different songs or belt it out until your mind doesnt go back to that negative thought.

I would say a few additional points.

Just start small with one thought and build it up.

Dont beat yourself up if you struggle or if you dont manage to change your thought direction. Just say to yourself, okay this didnt work today but i will try tomorrow and move on.

Make sure you reward yourself when you do think positively and acknowledge when your doing well.

Imagine yourself as someone who is your friend, what would you say to them? Im sure you will have had friends who have said similar things to what you are thinking... what did you say to them?

Also take sometime out for looking after you i found when i was at my worst just getting a shower was a struggle, but when you feel you look nice you feel nice. Again you can imagine yourself to be a friend, if you saw a feiend no looking after themselves you might push em in the shower take them out to get their hair done, go for a massage or pamper etc.

Hope this helps, im not an expert im just another human who struggles with GAD and found this helps.