I still have a specific problem, I need some help and advice

[sam0191]

Hey all,

I am 25 now and I had social anxiety for 19 years(from the childhood), I can tell now That I can control my fears and my thoughts and I am improving my self, (Will add another post on some techniques that helped me after that post so maybe it will help another people as well), but I still have a problem and it is in college, Almost a lot of my fears had gone and I am able to go to college alone with no problem but the problem is that I still not have any opportunity to make any friends and still alone and it is so boring and sometimes stressful, and especially with make a relationships with girls. I struggled to make any relationship with girls all my life because of my anxiety and fears but now I don't have so many fears and If I get some I can control it. But I still lack the skills to improve my social communications and it is not good at all. I also have problems to go to my college every day as I get bored there because of I always alone. just don't know how to make friends there, My therapist is very good and he helped me so much but in this specific problem, I have no improvement at all in the last 3-4 months. I dont know why I had a job in the last 3 month and there is a girl working with me and it was fine and we become friends with no problems, but in the college, I feel it is so difficult and it is really overwhelming as I lack the skills. my therapist keeps telling me that you can control your fear and you have the elements so go and try making any friends but hey it is not that easy. I did not get any opportunity until now. please, I need your advice guys and what you would do if you are instead of me, and if someone have these problems before how you overcome?

thanks

[Indigojoe]

sam,

I can not diagnose you as you know.

But to have been told that you have Social Anxiety since you were a child is a bit harsh.

Some people are born shy. Quiet, thoughtful, observent, "out of the fray", etc.

It is who they are. They don't like what they don't know.

Your folks and teachers didn't take the time to build your "tool box" of coping skills.

You just need to learn simple ways to navigate YOUR LIFE.

You are unique, and have a quite shy way about you. The best and only real cure for any of your problems ( I say this from experience, not as a diagnostician ) is to get to know yourself very well.

When you know what you like, what makes you happy, what your favorite color is, what foods you love, what outdoor activities make you happy, what your favorite movies are, what books you like and don't like, then and only then, will you be content with knowing who you are and you will then be happy to share your wants, likes, desires, and dislikes with other people.

Get to know yourself well..........don't go looking for other people just yet. Make peace with who and what you are, and really like who you have become. Then you are a gift to anyone you meet, and like attracts like.

Be well.........be patient with yourself.