My bf watches porn and cam girls,i need advice!

Ok so i always catch my bf eyeing up other girls on fb, watching girls cam shows getting naked. And also watches porn any spare moment he gets. I hate this... i do everything i can to make sure his needs are well and truly met, but yet hes still looking at these other women. It makes me feel unattractive and as if im not good enough, i get very jealous. And im just wondering ..is this normal? he says im just jealous and because i know i have mental health problems i think well maybe its my problem??? Should i be able to feel ok about these things? or is this wrong? i dont no im so confused :( please help a.s.a.p thanks

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18 Replies

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  • Well I'm a boy, eyeing up girls on facebook is one thing,

    the cams, and porn, is another, if he's doing that every spare moment, then saying your jealous, its sounds like he is not respecting you very much.

    He might be addicted to sex as it is a drug like many other things.

    For me, sex is one part of caring, loving ones partner, porn is just gratification, and usually a bit wierd too.

    My advice, put some bromide in his tea :-)

    Wishing you well

    B

    xxx

  • Thank you baylien, i really appreciate the advice. I often find it hard to judge situations these days as i know i can often over react because of my mental health problems. But its nice to know im not asking for to much. And i did say to him i dont mind him watching it from time to time. But every day,Every time i leave him alone..doesnt make me feel very good. And yes maybe ill try the bromide lol.. thank you xxx

  • Hi love not sure about the bromide , think B was trying to make you smile bless him

    I am a woman , married for 20 years , had boyfriends when I was younger & never no matter what would I personally tolerate that kind of behaviour

    I do think he is using your problem as an excuse for his own behaviour & taking advantage

    When in a relationship , there needs to be respect & he isn't showing you any

    As B says , he sounds like he has problems of his own if he is doing this to the extent he is

    This will knock your confidence , even without MH problems , it would make most womens self worth go down

    I would tell him you are no longer going to accept this & if he loves you & he wants this to work , it has to stop

    This is what I would do , but you at the end of the day you have to decide what you find acceptable or not

    We are all here to support you

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Thank you whywhy, And yes the bromide did make me smile! Well whywhy, in my first long term relationship the same thing happened. So it made me wonder..is it me?do i have serious jealously problems? I start to question myself. But its nice to know im not alone and other women wouldnt find this acceptable. Ive never spoken with my friends about it before through embarrassment. I appreciate the advice xxx

  • No please be reassured , its not you & you are not jealous , far from it

    Sometimes we can seem to attract certain kind of men or they can think they can take advantage , I feel this is what has happened , it certainly is nothing you are doing wrong , except maybe been to accepting

    I wouldn't be embarrassed speaking to my friends , if you have a close one , I have a close friend , who I can speak to , I am sure they would tell you the same & be supportive & upset to think you are having to deal with this

    If you feel you cant , speak on here , we will support the best we can

    Remember , MH problems doesn't mean we a lesser or not worth been respected , far from it

    Hope he stops , as you are worth so much more

    xxxx

  • Hi Sarah,

    Your boyfriend should make you at least feel secure and it doesn't seem he does, not your problem it's his!! I think anything goes if two people agree, but if you show your not happy about it then he should try make you feel happier...

    Sometimes people transfer their issues and make us feel its us..not saying this is the case but if you don't like it then you don't like it...don't feel bad , hope you guys sort it out, talking is the important thing...

    Xxx

  • Hi Sarah

    No, it's not you! Okay, being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean never looking at another girl/guy and thinking "Cor! They're a bit of all right!" ;) But constantly eyeing up girls, watching porn - particularly as he knows it upsets you - no, not on! How would he feel if you spent the evening watching naked men? (Maybe you should try it one night - no, I'm not serious! ;) )

    I tend to agree with Baylien - not about the bromide lol! :-/ - but the bit about being addicted - porn can be addictive, like most other things in life. But a relationship is about respect, concern for the other's happiness and - well, old fashioned idea, but good manners. He is, in my opinion, disrespecting you - then using your MH problems as an excuse - totally wrong. It's HIS problem, and he's dumping it on you! Trust your instinct on this one, Sarah - he's the one out of line, not you!

    Love

    Rose

    xxx

  • Agree with you Rose x

  • Thanks, hun! :) xxx

  • Totally agree. It could even be a situation of emotional abuse. The original poster needs to communicate their needs. If they ignore, then there is an issue.

  • If it makes you feel uncomfortable and low about yourself and he's fully aware of this, as a loving boyfriend, he would stop doing it. If he continues doing this, personally, I would question the relationship. As others have said, porn can be addictive but if he's addicted to it then he should get help for that. If he refuses to, again, I would question the relationship. No one should feel insecure, and it seems to be making you insecure. Again, as others have said, the most important thing in a relationship is honesty, trust and respect. Please don't allow someone to make you feel insecure and/or play on your self esteem issues/health issues, as they will take advantage of that and they will do it more and more, continuing the push the boundaries. You deserve someone that respects you. Take care xxx

  • Call me old fashioned (though I'm only 22 haha) but when we're in a relationship, we should only have eyes for that person. Fair enough, we will find other people attractive but it should end at that. Further than that pushes the boundaries. xxx

  • Hi,I am a guy,been around a bit,yes,have watched a bit of sneaky porn with the lads,never,ever in the company of a partner,that is an absolute disgrace,sorry,but your fella is a dik,how old is he,he has no respect for you,get rid now!!!

  • My ex used to look at porn all the time... although he had a medical problem... it still made me feel like crap..... i tried confronting him... being open minded.... blaming the medical problem etc etc

    But in the end it knocks your confidence and they try to make it your problem....I actually went on the computer after he'd been on and looked at what he'd looked at and it made me sick to my stomach and I think im quite an opem minded person...

    It was one of the reasons I called it a day with my bf........

    I dont think you should have to do that in a normal loving relationship......

    Its definately not your problem,,,,, my ex tried to make out it was my issues cos I suffer with anxiety... funny tha though when I first started dating I wasnt suffering with anxiety or depression.......

    ITS DEFINATELY NOT YOUR FAULT

    Ker xx

  • Thank you everyone for all your response's and the support, it really means alot. And now i clearly see that this is not acceptable and i wasnt over reacting. And quite upset that he would try and take advantage of my mental health problems... but maybe thats my fault for being to open but if you cant trust your partner who can you trust? Well things got to much for me yesterday and i had it out with him again. I told him it has to stop or the relationship has to end. I shouldn't feel like i have to compete with the internet..thats impossible! lol He has said he will stop watching it and things will change. And he was sorry and didnt know how much it was effecting me. Time will tell i guess, fingers crossed he means it!.....and once again thank you all so much for the responses xxx

  • You're welcome. I hope that it works out for both of you, but as said, never feel like you're responsible for his actions or blame yourself. I've done this before in my relationship, blamed myself for arguments and blamed my mental health issues, self esteem issues etc for anything that my partner has done. We're all responsible for own actions and we choose to do what we do. And we don't deserve to be disrespected by our partners, or anyone. xxx

  • I'd talk to him personally. He's probably completely oblivious to how it makes you feel.

    Good luck and best wishes.

  • Just to add, if he continues then you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. They are hard to walk away from but are worth it if it is like that.

    Take care.

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