An embarrassing situation

[miriamjh]

I have turned to many places but have yet to find help. I am hoping someone will one day say, “hey I am in the same boat and this person changed my life, go talk to so and so.” My anxiety is so bad, the fear is so crippling whenever I am in a car. I am a pathetic 30 year old who doesn’t drive, something most people do so easy and with ease is a huge deal for me. I don’t know who to ask for help or what sort of help I need. I do know I remember seeing a show somewhere where a woman couldn’t drive and a psychologist went to her house and gave her exposure therapy. I want to be that person. I want to get to the bottom of why I am the way I am. I want to be like everyone else and just drive. I want to be normal!

[kevoreally]

Cognitive behavioral therapy does a lot of exposure therapy if you canfind someone under your insurance thats great if not better have a high paying job lol

Youtube is good too just to get started

Find out what you fear about driving

For me its being STUCK in traffic with no escape oncase I need it

Its having something happen and no one being able yo come yo my rescue

Its being free and independent and away from my comfort zones

Agoraphobia you could say

5 years strong-_- fucking hate it! Even as a passenger im bad

Even on a bus or train id be bad -_-

[Lisajaynedavies in reply to kevoreally]

Have you tried regressive hypnotherapy? It hypnotises you back to the point that your thinking became wired to that way of thinking, takes you back to that point and makes you see and think of that situation differently. Seriously has helped so many people.

[miriamjh in reply to Lisajaynedavies]

Wow no I’ve never heard of that! I’m willing to try anything! It sure sounds expensive though ? lol

[kevoreally in reply to Lisajaynedavies]

Ever since watching Get Out hypnosis will NEVER BE THE SAME

[miriamjh]

An even more embarrassing thing is i have a psychology degree and feel like I shouldn’t have any mental issues!

Hmmmm yeaaa no high paying job lol

What is on YouTube? That sort of therapy?

Hmmmm I don’t think my issue is a sort of agoraphobia, but now that you’ve mentioned not being able to get out or be rescued it’s giving me anxiety lol wow 5 years is a long time!

I know my fear comes from a 4 car pileup when I was 8 years old. I can still see it all very vivid. My fear is no matter what I do it will all result in death! If I don’t go fast enough someone will smash me in the back, if I go to fast i will lose control, if I’m on the right someone will smash me from the left and vice versa, etc.

Thank you for replying! It means a lot, I’ve done and asked on these sort of things and no one ever understands or responds

[Starlight_ftm]

I’m a mental health practitioner and support others but struggle sometimes myself. Never compare yourself we all going through life best we can. Perhaps therapy may help with driving or you could write down plan and how to manage symptoms of what ifs etc sometimes fear of something is worse than actual doing of it good luck

[miriamjh in reply to Starlight_ftm]

Very true, great advice! You’re right, this fear of driving is getting worse especially since I don’t even try to do anything about it.. I try and tell myself it has to get bad before it can get better but it’s so hard

[Jeff1943]

You have nothing to fear about driving. That car accident wasn't caused by you and car accidents happen only rarely. The cars you learn to drive on have dual controls so if you do make a mistake whilst learning the driving instructor takes over immediately, no problem.

Think of the idiots you know who drive. If they can do it so can you because you are not an idiot, you have a psychology degree.

It's just that you are maybe prone to general anxiety and it's latched on to driving, that's all.

Do what you fear and the death of fear is assured. Phone round a few driving schools, tell them that you're very nervous, find one who has someone who's good with nervous learners. Ask to take one trial lesson.

So you get in the car and you're feeling really wobbly and your heart's pounding. So what? Not for ever by still waters. Do something hard, don't expect someone else to do it for you, solve the problem I mean. You're going to do that. I'll say it again: do what you fear and the death of fear is assured.

One thing's for certain, as Starlight_ftm rightly said, no matter how awful you imagine it to be now when you do it then it won't be anywhere near as frightening. Before long you'll be wondering what the fuss was all about.

So you're going to feel a bit shakey, who cares? You're not going to be abducted by aliens just because you stall the car. Learners are allowed to make fools of themselves.

Miriamjh, you can do this thing. You have the courage and intelligence to learn to drive and learn to drive well. How do I know you're intelligent? You've got a psychology degree that's how.

So start ringing round those driving instructors, tell them you're more nervous than a turkey on Christmas Eve. You can do it, I promise.

Remember, the brave man dies once, the coward a thousand times. Same for women.

[miriamjh in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you for those words! I just started googling some driving school and you’re right, it’s better to go through a bit of fear and not do anything about it! Thank you all for your advice!

[penny5]

I never used to give it a second thought to drive but in recent years I’ve become more anxious and twice I’ve been in a bit of a hurry and either been stuck in traffic or those temporary traffic lights that take ages to change to green. I’ve felt really panicky ever since and worry I’m going to end up in a traffic jam. My son pointed out that I could be claustrophobic and on reflection I think he’s right. I obviously feel I need an escape route. Although I still feel apprehensive I now have strategies in place if I do get stuck in traffic. I ping an elastic band I keep on my wrist, concentrate on breathing slowly and try and look for 5 things beginning with A, then B etc. These strategies have helped me although I appreciate we are all different and different things help different people. I do admire your bravery for going for exposure therapy. Good Luck x

[Alis6552]

I dont think your weird at all. How long have you been dealing with major anxiety for? For me, I was Always a worrier as a child but major panic disorder came out when I was 18 and I was constantly having panic attacks and thinking I was dying. I saw a psychiatrist and therapist and was put on meds and they saved my life. I Ligit was becoming agoraphobic and had an obsession about getting too far from my parents home I would freak out. I also remember my psychiatrist saying Becusse I would freak out if I got stuck in a big traffic jam, I had a thing about being trapped, she would tell me to sit with it and let it pass not to try to run from it, I think she told me I could always pull over and listen to soft music and just let it pass. I was put on Effexor and that helped me a lot for many years along with therapy. For me it’s somewhat environmental but also def genetic, my father had the same disorder and so it being a chemical imbalance I know the meds help me and I will continue taking them, currently on Zoloft. Good lunch trust me you are so much bigger than your anxiety you can do this! Your not crazy and if anyone ever made you feel embarrassed they don’t matter their opinion. Just get to the point where your like ok whatever if I habe a panic attack when I try to drive it’s ok I will breath and pull over if I have to but the traffic and the anxiety attack will always pass, you won’t die!

[Alis6552]

I meant “good luck” not good lunch lol

[designguy]

You might also check out a therapist who treats PTSD. Since you said that you think your fear stems from a four car pileup it's possible you are suffering from PTSD and need to work with someone to recover from it

[miriamjh]

I’ve thought about that, but I don’t think I can afford a therapist

[Delzek]

Miriam you should keep your individuality why be like everyone else? and just what is "Normal"? I know I have my failings ,I admit I have a few problems physically and mentally! I limp,have skin grafts over 60% of my body! my nose is skew wiff, due to medication I have lost some teeth have just started going bald so am not the handsomest person around ! But I am me ! I have my heart in the right place! and am a good listener! my faults are also what makes me" ME" I have only just started to appreciate my good traits and am trying hard not to worry how I look ! or what others think of me!

[miriamjh in reply to Delzek]

In this case, I need to be like everyone else in order to get where I need to be. I don’t care what anyone thinks because I can’t drive because I know if i could get over this anxiety then i could do it!

That’s good you don’t care or worry about how you look, you shouldn’t and others shouldn’t either! I’m sure you’re a great person no matter what you look like!