I think about this way too much.

[plushiesaremyjam]

Does anyone else have this issue? I do not want to die but I also think about suicide a lot. Not killing myself. Not wanting to die. Just suicide. I have a lot of friends with anxiety and depression. I have a lot of friends who want to die. Who have spoken about it. Who have parents that do care and some who have parents that don’t care. Thinking about suicide is a big part of my life. I’m always looking out for my friends. Always thinking “what if they kill themselves. What if I suddenly one day just decide to kill my self?” I have a friend right now who has self inflicted depression. I know that makes me sound awful. But she is the type of person to want to get attention. She really is. I know that sounds awful. But she calls out what she’s likes around her very conservative family knowing full well that they will belittle her. Knowing full well that she will get depressed from the belittling. She says that cutting herself is addictive. That she does it when She is stressed out (meaning her little sister making fun of her that she likes a certain culture.) she doesn’t hide her cuts well. She wears sleeves that show it. It’s hard to feel bad for her when she does all of this stuff to herself knowing full well She will get depressed. Everyone in my life is suicidal. So many people. Suicide is prevailing in all of my friends lives. It’s nice when I meet other people in my classes that also have anxiety like I do but they do not want to die. I know I should be there for all of them and I am. But after a while it gets so hard, it gets hard to always worry about them. I soak it all up like a sponge. If I surround myself in sadness and suicide and such I get like that. If I surround myself in positivity I feel good. And I hate the fact that almost all of my friends (note I am a Highschool senior with friends from all grades) are suicidal in some way shape or form. And I just want my life back