Insecure

[Nicolexxxx]

Ok so this is just going to be a miserable rant. I suffer with depression and anxiety. I have currently been with my boyfriend for 4 years however for no reason other than my negativity and anxiety I have never trusted him. I am so insecure. I have tried so much but just couldn’t. Anyway to cut a long story short my mum hasn’t helped this as she is always putting things in my head for example she says ‘does he still want you’ or he’s not gong to want you if you do that, you should dress more like this and look more like this for him to want you’ etc. She is always putting things in my head, like about him wanting other girls (he has never said he does) but she pressumes he does and makes my trust even less for him. She basically makes me think he dosent really want to be with me and is constantly putting negative things in my head about our relationship and I can’t seem to ignore it. I am so insecure as it is I’ve tried to tell her how I feel about this but she still carries on, I am sick off it and it’s making me so down, it’s been this way for years.

[Hidden]

My mother is basically the same way. But even goes further to when I've left a guy for the ways he was she was telling me was wrong n I should leave but once I did she would let him live with her and then all the sudden I'm the bad guy. So I don't trust nobody and it's from more than just her now but my insecurities are beating me down and when I think I've finally found the person who is really good and going to help me change it, it winds up being the same each time lied to cheated on left n alone feeling even worse. I'm not perfect by no means but I know I'm loyal loving cummited and hurt. I just want to get it back from someone. I've tried changing things he didn't like and still same thing I just want to find someone who can help make my own self finally see that a good man does exist. But are you still together?

[AMessOfJess]

Hello Nicole, your mother seems to be projecting how she feels about herself on to you which of course makes you feel like you are not good enough and are not doing enough to have someone want to stay. She doesn’t mean to make you feel this way, she thinks she is being constructive so you don’t end up alone. Unfortunately she doesn’t see it for what it truly is, ruining your self esteem. The thing I would suggest is to only judge your partner by their actions, have they ever given you reason to believe that he is unhappy? Ask him if you’re unsure and take him at his word. You should never feel a requirement to be wanted is to change to suit someone else, what’s the use of being wanted if they don’t want you for you? You could have the perfect version of everything in your life but it would all mean nothing if you were pretending to be someone else to keep it. All in all, your mother has these issues to work on herself. Try posing these comments back at her for example when she says “does he still want you?” You say “do you feel unwanted?” When she says “you should dress like this, he’s interested in other girls etc” you say “ I don’t need to change for someone else, he accepts me as I am. I trust him to tell me if he is unhappy.” If all else fails shut her down, she wouldn’t listen to you trying to tell her how it makes you feel, so cut her off and change the subject, “how’s your relationship going is he still interested.”

“It’s great, certainly sunny today.”

At last ditch effort it may be better to make talking with her few and far between you don’t want that type of negativity around.

I hope this helped in any way.