Hello everyone. Or any single soul who sees this. Not only is this my introductory post, but also my seeking for advice. To start, my name is Lydia. I'm a blogger for a blog called Grins & Needles. It's a blog aimed to bring awareness to anxiety and depression. I typically blog weekly but this week I've felt so lost that I haven't been able to bring myself to write something.
I've never experienced this before but I would like any help and assurance I can get. So lately I've been experiencing more derealization than normal. Normally I can tell myself, "Lydia, you're not dreaming. This is just your anxiety," and can get over it in a few minutes. However, this has lasted for days.
I'm someone who has logic but needs assurance to feel better. Bear with me while I give you guys the breakdown of my week.
So this past Monday I picked up some lunch for my mom and I. It was some sandwiches/wraps and some coffees for both of us. Usually I'm okay with my 16oz latte. I get some jitters but other than that I can push through it. However, when I was about to leave for my evening class, I did the thing where I start over analyzing my surroundings (usually at home, where I'm familiar with everything) to the point where nothing seems familiar. So I got extremely sweaty and had to take off my coat when heading to my car, about to leave (it's been in the 30s and 40s here in Ohio).
So I go to my 2 1/2 hour art history class and can only make it through half of it. Why? Because I'm sweating again and feeling like my head is so heavy. My eyes feel tired. I'm shaky, scared. Feeling like I'm going to pass out. I always make sure to pack snacks, water, mints...the essentials for any lightheadedness I may feel with a normal anxiety attack. But this time, I was certain I was going to pass out. So I told a classmate I was anxious, packed up my stuff, and left. I instantly felt less sweaty and heavy-headed when leaving, but I still cried and called my boyfriend before going home. I just felt imbalanced and it was scaring me.
Tuesday rolls around. I feel fine when I wake up. I get dressed, do my makeup. Upon leaving, I feel woozy again. Like I might fall over any minute. But I still went to my darkroom class, knowing that I had a whole project to develop. And I felt so normal during my actual class. It's a lot of hands-on work that I have to be completely mentally invested in. And once I headed to work afterwards, I felt woozy again. I work at a department store and recently was told I was team member of the month. So I don't know if I have added pressure on me or what. But I've been working a lot more hours. There were a few moments during my shift where I felt like I needed to sit down or hide somewhere to breathe. Moments where I felt derealization and had to tell myself I'd feel normal again soon. But then the next morning, I'd deep down worry, "What if this happens again".
On Wednesday I ran on the treadmill, then had a long work day. Felt better when I was invested in helping shoppers, but would still feel super on edge for a lot of my shift. Again, like I was imbalanced, couldn't keep my eyes open--I was even told by someone that I looked pale. Who knows, I just felt really fatigued. I worked that whole day and felt better once I made it to bed.
On Thursday morning, my parents left for a trip to Texas. I didn't get to say goodbye to them since they left really, really early. But I woke up a lot through the night knowing I was home alone (my sister spent the night at her boyfriend's). But still, I went to my darkroom class again and finished one of my projects. Then, I went home and spent time with my sister and her friends. I felt really uncomfortable and unfamiliar with my surroundings upon sitting at the kitchen table for hours, and still felt fatigued and disoriented. Like I couldn't hold my head up or something. Later on, they left, and I went to sleep.
Friday I woke up and worked. I felt pretty disoriented again through my shift. So much so that I went home and took a two hour nap. I woke up when my boyfriend came over and felt fine again for a little while. But that night, when he stayed over, I felt that derealization once again and ran myself a bath while we watched a movie. I felt better again, until I was lying down. Then I started doing that thing where I overthink my surroundings and make myself unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I started shaking a bit and he cuddled me up. I had a true panic attack then. Eventually we fell asleep and I thought to myself, "Well I've finally had my panic attack. It'll be normal tomorrow." But BOY was I wrong.
Saturday I worked out with my boyfriend then proceeded to have another panic attack. Then felt disoriented both Saturday and today (Sunday). The only times when I felt normal were when I was outside today. It was sunny with blue skies, not too hot, not too cold. But I still couldn't brush off that disorientation and imbalanced feeling.
Can anyone offer any advice on how to feel normal again? I know I can push through this and I know it's most likely just anxiety. I have the logic, like I mentioned earlier, but can't stop waking up with worry, thus enhancing my symptoms even further.
Derealization feeling all day:(
Does anyone suffer with depersonalization and derealization or one of them?
derealization/depersonalisation 
