Hoping someone can help me

[Nevic84]

So a very very long complicated story cut short my dad passed away last year of cancer and now I’m literally obsessed that I’m going to get it and leave my kids without a parent

Every type of cancer going I’m convinced as soon as I have the slightest symptom that’s it,

It’s literally destroying my life

I have 4 children and so scared I’m not going to see them grow up,

I know it’s probably grief which is unaddressed but my head is a horrible place right now trying to sit and watch a movie with kids crying thinking this will be my last Christmas

Someone please help me because it’s destroying me beyond belief 😕

I’m under my doctors for this and mental health for adhd but due to a suspected heart condition can’t take no medication so I’m literally living in a war zone inside my head 💔💔💔

[Jeff1943]

Calm yourself, Nevic, you have nothing to worry about. Just because your dad had cancer does NOT mean that you will get it , you probably know that.

Your problem is that you're generating so much fear worrying about this that you are keeping your nervous system in a state of over sensitisation. As a result minor concerns become exaggerated many times over. This is what has happened to you. Your dad's passing has started the ball rolling and the normal small worry we all have about cancer has snowballed into an obsession. And a self perpetuating obsession at that because each time you worry causes fear which causes more worry which causes more fear. The remedy is to break this vicious circle and give your nerves a chance to recover. Then your obsession will fade away.

So how do you stop the fear? Reason with yourself, argue with yourself, shout at yourself within the confines of your head. In 20 years time your children will all be adults and they would have had a miserable childhood because of your irrational fear. Tell yourself to stop doing that to your nearest and dearest. It doesn't matter whether we live another year or 50 years it's how we conduct ourselves during our alloted span that counts. Death isn't so terrible when it comes any way, it is merely like walking from one room into another.

So make the best of the time you've got, statistically it's much more likely to be another 50 years than one year. So give your children, your whole family abd yourself the best time you can. And instruct them as only a mother can, nobody else can do that job for you.

When these strange thoughts of dying of cancer come accept them calmly and with the minimum of fear knowing them to be your sensitised nerves playing tricks, thats all. Accept them and attach less and less importance to them because they are lying to you and denying your children their birthright.

Everything is going to be alright, Nevic, but remember you will never cure yourself of cancer for the very good reason you don't have it. You can't cure yourself of an illness you don't have no matter how hard you try. Instead address the illness you do have, anxiety, and you do that by accepting these strange thoughts for the time being and refusing to flood your nervous system with more and more fear.

[EGraceA in reply to Jeff1943]

Hi. My dad and brother also died from cancer. I was like you - scared of dying from 'C', but realized that only one person knows how and when I will die. God. I placed my faith in God and now I know that it is my anxiety that leads me into fear, especially at night. I am slowly dealing with the anxiety so I can live a better life. Hang in there!

[Anxious2befree]

I'm the same and I have to reassure myself that I'm just being silly as its unlikely I'm going to get it or due from it. I'm healthy and had numerous tests which confirm I don't have cancer nor is there anything wrong with me its in my head that's all. If I get a sharp pain I automatically think oh no and Parc but then I just go oh well it's nothing. It's the hardest thing to convince yourself that you are ok. Stay strong you will get through it. My dad died of a blood clot and my mum to cancer so I am always checking my legs and making sure I gave regular blood tests so they pick up anything before its to late but I have lately calmed down and see a psychologist which helps a lot and reassures me I'm ok. I was at a bad point where I couldn't drive as I would panic I may get killed driving but now I'm back in the drivers seat. You will get through it X

[Nevic84]

Thank you to everyone for your kind comforting words, I just hope this mental torture has an end at some point and preferably soon 😔 life is so bleak