Stop trying to get better.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to get rid of their anxiety. They think they have to protect themselves from feeling it. They hide away, avoid social interaction, run away from those thoughts and feelings, push them away. Feeling a certain way is not the cause of the struggle and prolonged suffering, it is not wanting to feel a certain way that keeps you struggling and suffering.
It is important to stress (not that you need more !) that the goal is not doing things to stop yourself feeling anxious/depressed etc, it is to no longer care if you do feel that way. This is why people spend a lot of time and money searching for the elusive cure in the next book, the next therapist, the next tablet, the next remedy, safety behaviours etc etc.
Sorry but this approach is wrong and the reason why you haven’t made progress. You are still afraid of those pesky symptoms and as long as fear lurks in the shadows, the door is left open for anxiety to keep coming back.
To recover, you must actively go towards those thoughts and feelings to reveal the lies anxiety has been spinning, to desensitise and create new beliefs and habits. Don’t try and protect yourself by avoiding. Paying too much respect and belief in those thoughts and feelings only serves to feed the anxiety. If you feed something, it grows in strength.
To starve anxiety, ask for more, dont hide away, reveal your anxiety to yourself and see it for what it really is. One big bluff, a con. You’ve been “had” all along. Dont treat it like you have to protect yourself from it. Anxiety is designed to protect you from danger so you just go round in ever decreasing circles), fighting a battle you cannot win. Don’t hide away from it or putting on an act hoping no one knows how you are feeling. Go from caring to not caring, go from trying to keep it at bay to welcoming it in, go from trying not to feel it, to feeling it at will.
Trying everything to not feel it just keeps people stuck in the anxiety cycle. I made the same mistakes too until I learned that the way to recover was to do the opposite and do nothing about the symptoms. Give up the battle with yourself.
Stop trying to figure out why you feel a certain way;
Stop trying to come across as normal;
Stop trying to not think about anxiety;
Stop trying to hold on to who you are;
Stop trying to find your old self;
Stop trying to feel a certain way;
Stop trying not to feel a certain way;
Stop trying to think a different way;
Stop trying to be somewhere else;
Stop trying to use mantras to ease the feelings.
Trying means you are still in fighting mode and not accepting your current state. It is always about you trying to feel different. This just tires your already tired mind even more. This is how obsessive thoughts develop. The mind is too tired to think of anything else and keeps playing the same thoughts over and over like a stuck record and stops you taking part with the world around you, adding yet more pressure.
Anxiety feeds on your intense dislike of it. It leads to suppression tactics and the constant search for answers. It feeds on your fear of it so you hide away and let it dictate your life. Learn to stop feeding it by allowing it to be there without it dominating you and dictating what you do. Learn to be ok with it and carry on moving forward with your life, taking the anxiety with you.
You honestly don’t need anything more than a good understanding of anxiety and a change in attititude towards the symptoms. No coping strategies, no mantras, no safety behaviours, no magic tablet.
I learned to stop fighting myself, I stopped trying to escape from the way I felt. I gave up trying to control my mind and body which actually handed control back to me. I carried on doing normal things, went to work, exercised, socialised and took the anxiety with me. I learned and then trusted that my mind and body would fix itself in the same way the human body heals after an injury. I didn’t have to do anything except observe what was going on in my head and body and wait for recovery to come to me. I still felt terrible for a while but reached the point where I didn’t worry about it and stopped caring which is what acceptance is all about. Gradually, the symptoms melted away and the old me returned. I honestly believe that I am a better person because of the healing process I went through. Having learnt the right way to cope, losing my fear of the symptoms along the way, I wont be looking over my shoulder worrying if it will return because it doesn’t matter if it does.
Hope this helps
