The more you allow yourselves to think and feel the way you do without supression, without searching for peace and the less respect you give the symptoms, the stronger and more resilient you become. The less you use your minds to try and solve an insolvable problem ( because that is what intrusive thoughts are) over and over again, the more flexible your mind will become and peace will return.
Doing nothing about the symptoms goes against the natural instinct to fix the problem, to fight it. It’s like an itch you want to scratch to relieve yourself and feel comfortable. Our normal response is to avoid pain and discomfort, to avoid feelings, to feel good. However, if you strive to find comfort from the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety, you are unwittingly keeping yourselves stuck in the anxiety cycle. Therefore, the trick is to change your reaction to the symptoms of anxiety.
I learnt that fighting or battling with the thoughts and feelings was the wrong thing to do and the road to recovery lay in doing the exact opposite by letting it all go and throwing away all my coping tools. Not fighting meant I gave up striving to be the person I used to be or to feel a certain way, stopping trying to work it all out. In effect, this was a battle with myself, a battle I couldn’t win and a battle that was completely draining my emotional reserves (depression) so I gave up the fight.
By giving up the fight / letting it all happen without resistance led to my mind and body returning to its relaxed state which is the default setting. I had to train myself to stop searching for relaxation and for relaxation to come to me. I gave up the battle to feel better, stopped trying to work it all out which was completely draining and got me nowhere. I then learned that doing the opposite and doing nothing about the symptoms was the right way to improve matters. If doing nothing was the normal human response, things would have been so much easier!
If you truly accept the way you currently think and feel and live alongside anxiety without question and without fight you will recover. Stop trying to change the way you feel, avoiding the pain and discomfort and accept that this is how it’s going to be for a while and be ok about not feeling ok.
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.
Acceptance works. Time is the healer. What you waiting for?
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Beevee
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I’m too tired to be okay about feeling not okay. I have been getting so much better letting the negative energy go and not giving the anxiety power and practicing being positive but now I am struggling. I think it’s just s tough spot. I need to get back up soon. Maybe I just need rest. Thanks for the tips Beevee.
Starrlight. Do not despair. Acceptance takes time and the mind and body takes a little more time to get the message of acceptance and for you to feel peace. Also it isn’t a case of feeling a little better each day and is very much an up and down affair with lots of setbacks but this is all part of the recovery process. If you feel rubbish, you feel rubbish. Don’t try and change how you feel. I know how tough it can be but the prize at the end will be worth it.
Oooh don’t try to change how I feel!? Haha but that’s what I do! But actually that’s a relief thinking about just being how I am. Only thing is I’m used to trying to be all happy around my kids. They don’t deserve a stressed anxious depressed mom. And I don’t want it rubbing off on them. So earlier I had to admit I was having a bad time to them but typically I feel guilty when I feel bad. I may need to rethink some things. It’s no good feeling guilt for real feelings.
Anxiety exaggerates feelings so something you may feel slightly guilty about without anxiety becomes huge. That’s why people struggle because their natural reaction is to stress over the feelings. So, accept those feelings of guilt too. Accept it all.
I loved reading this. I'm one of those people who feel like they have to find all the answers when I don't feel "good" both mentally and physically. I've been dealing with bad anxiety for almost a year now and I've come a long way but still don't really enjoy life. Always too afraid of being somewhere with people and having the symptoms flare up. I used to be able to enjoy everything in my life now I'm always irritated and anxious when I'm not in control
By trying to control things, it makes you anxious. Trying to control anxiety also makes you anxious. To stop feeling anxious, give up trying to control it. The more you give up trying to control things (especially the stuff beyond your control) the more you stay in control.
As I keep saying to anyone who will listen, Anxiety is a paradox. Doing stuff to suppress or rid yourself of anxiety slows or stops the recovery process. Doing absolutely nothing to suppress or rid yourself of anxiety speeds up the recovery process. Put yourself in those places and situations you fear and let yourself think and feel everything but doing nothing about it. If you feel extremely uncomfortable then fine. If you feel irritated then so be it. Don’t stress over how you might be feeling. Reacting this way ( adding more fear to the feelings of fear) feeds the very thing you are trying to get rid of.
Thank you. I will do this it has gotten much easier to relax and not become overwhelmed or upset I just need to start getting out more and going to the places where I'm uncomfortable where the anxiety hits I've been a stay at home mom for almost a year too I've been able to go to stores which I couldn't do and some times to restaurants that's my biggest one is going out to eat. I've been staying away from going out with friends and family and I really miss being able to do the things you should enjoy instead of fearing them
I totally agree with Beevee's posts and reached the same conclusions myself within the last six months. Surrendering and giving up control is truly the answer, it does take time and acceptance but it gets easier and easier with persistence. Understanding and accepting the paradox of anxiety is truly liberating.
One thing I want to add is that I recently determined I had hypothyroidism, although my TSH thyroid test was normal, which is the typical test. Abnormal thyroid levels greatly affect our mood, anxiety and depression. The key is to get a full thyroid test panel including TSH, T3, T4, antibodies, etc... and work with a practitioner who understands the intricacies of thyroid symptoms and treatment. I'm doing way better mood and energy-wise after starting a natural thyroid supplement. It is also a physiological reason you may have anxiety or depression, which for me was comforting that it "wasn't all in my head" as we commonly hear or believe.
Thanks designguy and for pointing out that for some people, there may be an underlying medical/organic illness where anxiety is a symptom. With all of my posts, I should always include a caveat along those lines and for anyone to get checked out by a medical professional. If you get a clean bill of health (after a second opinion....I know anxiety sufferers have a hard time accepting that there is nothing wrong!) and that there is no underlying medical/organic illness, acceptance works.
Many sufferers fall into the category of living in fear of the symptoms of anxiety as opposed to having a real problem that causes anxiety that needs to be resolved to move forward. This may just mean taking a different view of the problem and one that you are comfortable with. Acceptance of a problem can also help with this. Instead of fighting the problem, learn to accept it. For example, if there is conflict with another person, just accept that this is how they are, a bit like not getting too upset about a crying baby in the seat across the aisle. It is also worth pointing out that when in a sensitised state, resilience is very low which means the smallest problem can seem huge. The other person may not be entirely at fault or the problem may not be as big as your anxious mind is having you believe (don’t believe what an anxious mind conjures up!). Anxiety exaggerates all emotions, good and bad and all the more reason to accept it all.
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But actually that’s a relief thinking about just being how I am. Only thing is I’m used to trying to be all happy around my kids. They don’t deserve a stressed anxious depressed mom. And I don’t want it rubbing off on them. So earlier I had to admit I was having a bad time to them but typically I feel guilty when I feel bad. I may need to rethink some things. It’s no good feeling guilt for real feelings. 
thank you xx
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