Anxiety Support
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Time is fast running out

I have suffered with depression for over 30 years therapy & meds you name it & I have probably tried it, I probably have had anxiety for most of my life even before I knew what it was called

What I have learned is my problems started as a child dad was my hero &mum very special however as I grew up I found dad very distant angry hostile sarcastic he showed little interest & would avoid eye contact well when you know nothing different it is normal I got used to the terrible atmosphere at home so I retreated into my own little fantasy world, Dad had a sideboard drawer full of his tablets but when I began to have problems in my teens & twenties he would say things like what's anxiety yet years later my older sister said she found him sitting on the bed head in his hands & when asked told her it is this anxiety so nothing was simple or black & white with dad although to the outside world he was far different he played a part acted a role & only the real him emerged behind closed doors, to him emotions were weakness & for the rest of my life he did nothing but reject me yet I tried & tried to no avail, the sibling was a chip of the old block with him very changeable over confident & he was besotted with his little girl no matter what she did or how cruel she was or what lies she told - he decided believing whatever she said was a price worth paying for her love so her stories how I spied on her or stole or tried to kill her he believed - ask yourself where is the evidence I said ask yourself is it her deluded thinking yet it happened again & his answer why else would she say it, so all she had to do was say anything & it ended where I decided 10 years ago OK enough is enough leave them to it & as expected they soon fell out she attacked him he needed a shin graft on his face yet nothing would come between them

Mum knew what she was like knew it was her making silent phone calls & practically on her death bed warned me keep out of her way she is trouble

Dad died a few years ago despite me calling him we had little contact he rejected any offers of help & when I called the hospital was told he died but your sister wouldn't give us your phone number, the bulk of his estate was left to different charities although he was the most uncharitable person there was in life I am sure he only did this out of spite to prevent me getting anything the sister had fallen out with him weeks before he died & they exchanged solicitors letters yet afterwards she started a claim saying she looked after him did his washing went on holiday with him & was close when I wasn't there

She claims her property in a very desirable area is practically in ruins & almost needs rebuilding so has a major claim on his estate meanwhile many of his personal items have vanished one valuable item she claimed a volunteer had stolen yet I know she was driven by jealousy in case he thought more of someone else & her own greed it is all lies lies & more dammed lies

Despite our lack of any relationship I am sad that it is all so final now dad has gone & my every day life is so difficult & painful

I just wanted to share my story as I have very few people to talk to & maybe someone out there might just relate ?

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None of this was your fault, there is no shame attached to you. Your dad wasn't of sound mind so the things he did were driven by his mental problems. You were unlucky to have an unhappy family life, easy for me to say but maybe time to draw a line under the past, there was nothing you could have done to change things for the better. You deserve a better future and I sincerely hope you have happier days in the future.

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Is never your fault you did all you can. You are strong and God loves you

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