Stressalot

[Stressalot]

Hi I'm new to this site I suffer with mental health depersonalisation,derealisation, bipolar 2, anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, if I can help anyone as I've suffered most or all my life with these conditions I will try my best

[Hidden]

Hi there. I feel like I would relate to you quite a lot with my disorders and symptoms. I suffer from Anxiety (generalised anxiety, agoraphobia, social anxiety), PTSD and depression. The NHS where I live is really terrible and most of the time I feel that I am more educated than they are within the realm of mental health and psychology. But anyway, I have been struggling with confusing emotions, behaviours and thoughts. My mind is always erratic, I have unhelpful thinking patterns 24/7. Only very rarely do I manage to go through mindfulness, where it works and I can sort of calm myself down. I have anger issues, partly due to my dad having anger issues and also his dad (genetic). Plus parenting styles when I was a child. Emotional neglect, had no one to talk to, made to feel ashamed of emotions, feelings and 'weaknesses' etc. I had 1 or maybe 2 close, healthy friends when I was a kid. It didn't last long so most of my life I have been in psychologically abusive relationships, both friendships and 'romantic' relationships. I have been confused about my sexuality (whether or not I actually enjoy sex) for a while now, although I have only recently opened up about sexual abuse which happened to me throughout my childhood/adolescence. I suffered a lot from emotional instability (i think) due to being trapped in negative relationships/friendships. I feel I have always had anger issues, dealing with my temper etc. has always been so hard and hurtful for me, and I have serious issues with guilt and blame (mostly towards myself). I overthink e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I don't understand what a healthy, good relationship is meant to feel like, I find it hard to differentiate between good and bad, right and wrong (in seemingly complex situations). I think differently from other people, I act and respond differently, which makes me feel like an outcast. I have negative views of myself and I feel lost, I don't understand where I am meant to be in life, I am either extremely hyper, dancing and crazy (i probably look like a freak to most people), or I am extremely pessimistic, quiet, unmotivated, depressed, psychotic etc. I relate to so many things within the symptoms and behaviours of psychological disorders that I don't even know what I am suffering from, or if it is just a mixture of everything and more.

Sorry this is so long, I should probably just make a separate post - but sometimes I just have it all in my head and I need to let it out. Thank you for being here for us <3

[Stressalot in reply to Hidden]

Hi Kelly

I have also suffered sexual abuse as a child I can relate to everything you are saying there are two things I think you should look into because they are simular in the way you are talking the first one I think would be boarderline personally disorder this can be caused by trauma and the way your childhood was e.g. Maybe no emotional support or feeling neglected, this can also cause highs and lows that come and go they don't last that long, this can also affect your feelings and responses to people and situations in life that make you unsure this is normal because of the sexual abuse, other is bipolar 2 but this is more mood highs and lows they last days weeks months this is the only difference between the two you have everything in boarderline personality disorder but your moods are the difference in working out what it is you have, I think you need to go and see a professional to help you because believe me doing it on your own doesn't work, your life has been all over the place growing up and that's why you find being a grown up hard especially with how to feel about people, only you can work out how you really feel but you have to look deep into why you feel a certain way being abused as a child affects your thinking about things that should feel normal as an adult this is why your thinking pattern is all over, I actually suffer both of these and to me it sounds like boarderline personality disorder, you should look it up and see if you can relate to it if you can then you need to be referred to a psychiatrist to over come and learn to deal with your emotions, feeling and your way of thinking, I hope this has helped and I know how hard life can be just taking one day at a time is the best way to get through all the crap that comes with mental health, if I can help with anything else just message me I know your pain and the struggle but there is help you just need to find it.