in new to these forums but was just seeing if what i am going through it normal
i have suffered from anxiety since I was 16....and 16 years later its now at the point where it has gotten alot worse especially since Feb this year....i wake up every morning convinced i have cancer any pain or ache im convinced it any form of cancer im always at my doctors seeking reassurance when all comes back ok I'm good for a few weeks until it's all start again...
i have started CBT Therpy...has anyone else found this helpful..ontop of the chronic health anixety he has established i have social anxeity as I won't go into a supermarket on my own not even for milk...for the fear every one if laughing and starting at me...my therapist has said the comments my husband makes like your fat..your ugly..you never find anyone if I was to leave him has fuelled this...is this normal??
i literally have no support my husband doesnt understand what i go through on a day to day basis..dont get.me wrong I know I must be a nightmare to live with...is there anything I can do to help my situation??
thanks for reading xx
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Francesca-H
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I usually spend most of my time on Health Unlocked but supporting another Anxiety Community healthunlocked.com/livingwi... but when I read your post I just had to reply to you
First I am shocked in the way your husband talks to you and it sounds to me that what he is doing is trying to control you , playing on your low self esteem and making sure that it stays low and to me that can only mean he must have his own issues to want to make someone he is suppose to love feel that way I always thought when we loved someone it was about helping them to feel better not worse
I feel for you as years ago now as I have been married 25 years to my 2nd husband but my first husband was very similar with put downs to what yours sounds like so much so it made me a 1000 worse , it fed my anxiety and I suffer with ocd and it fed that to , for me and the only thing I can do is speak about what was right for me but it was when we split up , I started to realize I was not this weak , pathetic person he wanted me to believe I was and this helped me tremendously and yes someone else did want me for me and as I have said I went on to remarry
I think they like the control and maybe he is insecure he may loose you so has to convince you no one else will want you because I realize that was what my first husband was doing once I had stepped away
OCD is part of anxiety part that does not always get talked about enough and as we know it can come in all shapes and forms from intrusive thoughts to rituals etc
How does yours affect you ?
I have always had health anxiety but was so much more in control of the negative thoughts and one thing that I never thought I had even though I have had everything else according to my head was cancer , how ever I lost my Dad a couple of years ago to cancer and guess what the Health Anxiety has gone and found an opening and I am having to watch the negative thoughts and turn them round because every ache and pain yes it is trying to take control and tell me it has to be cancer
But please be reassured your Doctor will not be wrong and you have to tell yourself that when these thoughts come in , your anxiety is what is telling you that you have cancer but your Doctor is the one that knows best and they say no you have not so try and let that anxiety know you are not listening to it you will listen to the professionals instead , I know it is not easy changing the way we think but with practice it does get easier
I understand you feeling when you are out everyone is looking and laughing at you but believe me they are not we just feel this way because we know , but there is no label on us for others to see what is going of in our minds and bodies only fellow sufferers taking with each other like on here know how we feel and that is why I am glad you have found us so you can talk with others and hope that helps even if in just a small way
I am glad you are getting therapy stick with it , take on board what they say and ask of you but at the same time be honest and if you are struggling with what they are asking tell them and I am sure slowly as there is no quick fix for anxiety but slowly things will get better
Hope this helps a little to know you are not alone and things can and do get better
Thank you so much for your reply..my therapist has said the same as you have just about my husband after 9 years i guess I have become so immune to thinking his behaviour is normal....and for this reason I'm too scared to leave because I think what if he is right and noone will want.me and I end up spending the rest of my life alone...i think the only reason I'm staying is because of my house which i know is no reason as its only a material thing...last week I had a massive attack i was at home alone i panicked and called an ambulance as I thought I was having a heart attack..she stayed with me an hour reassurance me i was ok after 2 ecg ect and my sister had turned up...but when he got home he didnt even hug me and say all is ok..instead he made 1 comment that me me realise he is making my aniexty worse..i def think the therapist has opened my.eyes as I spot his controlling more and more..your right he does need his own help which numerous times I have mentioned his reply is he is fine.i can't help someone who wont help themself..
my OCD effects my life not as much as the health Anxiety part but in a way where i believe i have to pump the hand soap 3 times or something bad will happen...the same taken 3 paper towels....or even if I have a certain piece of clothing once i have branded thay bad i wont wear it in case something bad happens...and plating my food in a certain way....i wont go on a plane, train or even in a lift in case i die..but yet ill drive anywhere...i think it's because I can't control the others maybe?
well today i actually went into a supermarket on my own i felt so proud and noone was bothered by me...why would they be 😀
i am so sorry to hear about your dad...health anixety it is horrible and can have a massive impact on your life...you sounds like you have overcome yours to where you can control it?
awww I'm so pleased to were strong enough to walk away and now are happy 😀 reading what you wrote has helped alot thank you do much..reading others post has made me realise I'm just one of thousands of people who suffer everyday x
Hi Francesca-H, it's nice to see when other's responses to us can open our eyes and we can see things a little more clearly. I agree with lulu-1 in that we cannot control how others treat us. We can control in how we react to it. No one should ever be abused emotionally or physically. No one... It is true that the longer it goes on, the more we begin to believe we must somehow deserve it. Anxiety is a disorder that make some believe we can be manipulated and put down because it's a mental illness. Not so, unless we allow it.
Congratulations with the success you had in going to the Supermarket. I think there are a lot of us (including myself) who have felt that all eyes were upon us and that they must see our anxiousness show through. It wasn't until I realized that people have their own issues to worry about, they don't need to focus on another individual. If you should catch someone's eye glancing your way, give a smile and make their day. They may just have been admiring how calm, cool and collected you look when they are nervous on the inside.
it really has started to make me see for 16 years i have believed im the only only who was suffering because friends and family would be normal and seeing today / reading i couldn't be further from the truth.
thank you I know to others its an everyday thing as in shopping but I did feel like i had taken a big step to winning...and your right i have never looked at it that way they could be just like me and a simple smile could make someone feel at ease 😀😀 thanks hun x
I panic when is for me to go to stores and my bf calls me bad names and blames me for everything that goes wrong.I'm an alcoholic and is hard to not have support I'm trying to be strong and leave him alone.I'm here if u want to talk
my therapist set me the task but obviously only if i felt upto it..he ask me to go into a supermarket on my own to buy just one item...i may have ended up buying a basket full 😀 but that initial visit has helped me try going in with earphones and focussing on certain items? do you attend any AA meetings to help with the alcohol? if not i would strongly recommend it its taking 16 years to asmit i needed professional help woth my axiety and i can honestly say its the best thing ever xc
Hey, I have severe health anxiety as well except I'm not getting no help with it and I'm not on meds. I've been trying so hard to get help but no one calls back I'm just at a wits end. I also just had surgery and the fact that i can't smell or taste is bothering me because I think its something serious. I get this weird feeling in my nose like a tickle that no one can explain. I'm convinced I have a brain tumor with all the research I've done on it and all the testimonials I've read. I feel like the only way I can put my anxiety at ease is to get an MRI to see my brain. Maybe that will work. I'm having this awful tremors as I'm falling asleep and yesterday I was so tired and dizzy all day so when bed time came I fell right to sleep but its like my mind doesn't shut off. I woke up in such a panic attack and all i could think about was suicide. Its like I could see it but I wasn't actually doing it. It was awful. I feel so sick 24/7. I just need help I can't do it anymore.
this could also be all stress related...the one thing I have been told is not to Google / research anything this just make your anixety worse and fuels it more making your symptoms worse...im tired all the time..and I also get dizzy ive been told this is because I'm not breathing correctly as in i hyperventilate which mean i take in to much carbon monoxide..i had a paramedic out last week convinced I was dying she told me to say the alphabet out loud and within seconds the dizziness went sounds crazy right...i think maybe going and speaking to your doctor explain noone gets back to you...im a sucker for not taking meds however they have helped and the plan is to come off them once NHS therpy start next week...you don't have to stay on them forever...and it doesn't make you weak by taking them hun xx
I think its stress related to cause now I'm having chest pains & I know my heart is good I just had an EKG done & surgery and I'm still here. I have an NHS around me & I'm just half tempted to go there. I wanted a private psyhatrist or this other place that is really good thats out of a hospital but no one calls back. I just don't like the location of my NHS
im currently seeing a private therapist whike i was waiting for my NHS appointment...ypur doctor should be able to recommend talking groups around your area they did for me I self referred and had an assessment with 2 weeks...however you then go in a waiting list which has taken 8 months..it is stress you know your ok..
Mentally I know I'm ok but physically I dont feel it. One minute ill be perfectly fine and feel "normal" and then the next all ibwanna do is cry and figure out whats wrong with me. I look at my kids and feel so helpless because I feel like im not being a good mother to them. I also have a Neuro appointment coming up and I'm so scared of that. I literally wake up thinking about whats wrong with me and go to bed thinking about whats wrong with me. I can never relax im always on edge
having aniexty does not make you a bad mum...aniexty is a nasty circle...at night time try listen to relaxation music to take your mind of your anixety...because the last thing you think of is negative its going to be the first thing you think of when you wake.which then sets you up for the day full of anxious thoughts..crying is ok I cry..even my husband doesnt know I sit upstairs most night just crying because I just feel so alone....your scan will be fine this is just more to reassure you that your ok
I'm pretty sure the scan will be great but I need to understand why I have this numbness and pressure and burning in my face but it's so odd cause if I wear my contacts or glasses it's not as bad. Ugh I need to rent a doctor for a week
Have you ever experienced this. I got like a bust of energy and started dancing with my kids. ( music is good medicine) after the song was over I felt so weird and exhausted and depressed. Is that all linked in with this crap?
i would say so..you didn't feel exhausted half way through dancing did you?? that's becuase you mind was being kept busy...as soon as this stoppedyou went back into negative thinking which will bring you straight back down...yeah I have very much experienced this...i could be out having fun and I think about my anxiety and in a spilt second it would ruin the whole night
No not that I know of. I was laughing and enjoying my moment and then as soon as I stopped sat down and boom it hit me I don't think I was thinking about my anxiety but maybe I was. Who knows this had been the worse I ever been but it feels so good to talk to people that are the same as me!
Exactly I wish I could feel that way all the time. It's only once in a blue I'll feel that burst of energy and feel "normal" ugh I'm contemplating on taken Prozac again. I'm just not sure.
I'm not giving up I have to much to loose. I have 2 little people looking up to me. Today so far has been pretty good. I've had a couple episodes but I got threw it & I got up and danced today... in front of all my neighbors and no one laughed at me just laughing for fun!!
same has i have never been as bad as i have been in years....honestly reading how other are effected has made me look at myself and think I'm not the only one suffering....keep laughing and dancing 😀
This only started cause I got sick & my doctors were just throwing it off and not listening! Finally I told them I'm not crazy and help me and they listened and here I needed surgery. That's all this came from!
I feel the same way.. is about to be a year I been threw hell n back wit this anxiety n depression. I try to get help n ended up in the hospital after callin the suicide helpline number. I spend 2 weeks in the hospital takin meds which just got me worst.
Oh gosh I'm so sorry you had to go threw with that. I've been on multiple different mess & all of them seem to make me worse! Once that happens I convince myself it's brain cancer & not anxiety!
Hello Francesca-H, your post struck such a cord with me I just had to send you a little note in reply.
Firstly, I was sad to hear that your Husband speaks to you in such an unkind way. I'm not sure what normal really is but it certainly doesn't sound caring and we should expect that from those that are supposed to love us. I have some experience of this from previous relationships which were hard to break free from but I did move on and am now so happily married to a man I truly love, things really can change.
I think you are brave for entering into therapy, I have had anxiety, depression and other issues for years and I have never really engaged in therapy, I hope it is helping you and if you stick with it I think it will be a good tool for you to use.
I constantly think people are laughing at me when I am out. I often feel so overwhelmed being around people that I feel sort of dizzy. I try to tell myself that other people can't know how I feel and are just doing their own thing! getting on with their lives. I find exercise helps my anxiety to some extent, when I am working out I can only really focus on that so it seems to give me some space, that might just be me though. I also personally find being in nature (trees, green space or by water) really calming but again that might just be me, I don't mean to sound trite.
I find this community really helpful, I honestly thought I was alone in the world in terms of some of my thoughts and behaviours (including thinking everyone is laughing and staring at me) and it does help somehow to know that is not the case.
Please know that you are not alone and that things will get better- I truly believe that.
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