Falling apart

Hello, I am new to this site and community. I have been suffering from debilitating anxiety and panic attacks. It manifests into depression. I have been on a massive downward spiral for several years and now. I have moments of strength. When I do I try very hard to pull things together;however, the minute I do, everything falls apart. I haveven been in a relationship for 8 years and during all of that time, he pretty much ignored me or made me feel like a child. Earlier this year I found the courage to tell him and on Easter, I left. The drama dosent stop there but in a nutshell, the person I am living with has company and I offered to stay elsewhere until his company leaves and because my plans fell through, I have ended up having to stay with my ex or live in my car for 13 days. Since I have been there the panic and anxiety is consuming me. So much that I cannot work, I cannot speak without crying, I am shaking, I can't sleep until it's almost morning and then I can hardly get out of bed. I am ignoring my friends and family, and I am ignoring my health.(I'm diabetic) I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I am so scared. I have no idea how to pick myself up... I know I need therapy but I can't afford it. I just someone, anyone to understand.

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6 Replies

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  • Hi there,

    Sorry to hear of your situation and I can only imagine it must be extremely difficult for you. Firstly don't ignore your family and friends I know it's difficult when you feel really low but they will be the ones who will be able to pull you through. You ultimately need to change your situation to help your mental state. Which country do you live? We all understand here and I hope you can find some relief in letting out your feelings.

    Rach

  • I live in the United States. I do rely on my mom a lot but she has anxiety as well and it makes her hurt that I am hurt. unfortunately, the person I was staying with is my best friend. I tried talking to him yesterday and he got very angry that I was interfering with his company. I have 11 days until I can go back there and be at peace, I just am so very displaced. I appreciate so much that you understand. I want so very much to just be able to make it through the day without having these horrible feelings.

    Thank you so much for listening. you have no idea how much it helps to have someone respond to me here. it actually gives me peace to be able to talk here. I actually am calming down because I can be myself completely. THANK YOU!

    M

  • No need to thank me, that's what we are all here for. If you want to vent or chat feel free to message my inbox and I'll reply when I can. I understand the feeling of isolation I think people who haven't suffered from it can't relate to the nightmare we suffer daily. Please keep talking to us and know that you are not alone :) I hope that you are doing ok x

  • oh my !! i am so sorry you are going thru all this . first and for most . You need t call one of your good friends and ask for help. That's what friends are for , to help each other . (not sure what kind of friendships you have) but real ones help each other out. Plus talking to a friend always helps. reach out to someone that will help and that will relief lots of anxiety.

  • Thank you for understanding! I do have very good friends, of course my best friend is the person I was staying with and he got very angry because he wants to spend time with his company and I texted him a lot interrupting his time with them. I have alienated most everyone because of the Anxiety and panic but having found this community is helping. being able to talk to people that understand unconditionally is making a huge difference. I hope we can keep talking. I really needed this. Thank you so much! I am always here to talk as well. ANYTIME!

  • Welcome,

    Sorry you are going through that!!! Please go to the ER and get treated..since you can't afford therapy they doc will refer you our for free mental health treatments!

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