So much stress and anxiety

[dawn1229]

I have so much anxiety. My whole body feels like it's vibrating/ trembling. My legs are weak and shakey. I don't know how to make this stop.

[mdooms]

Dawn1229,

Let me ask you, what first of all, is stressing you? Job, family, life, fear of future? Let's start here first.

[dawn1229 in reply to mdooms]

I left Ohio and my husband and family mid December to go to cali to take care of my father who was diagnosed stage 4 lung cancer that metastasized to his brain with 3 brain tumors. He's single. I'm the only kid. He said he would have laid in his chair and died and someone would just find his dead carcass in a few months. I stayed in cali to make sure he got treatment and Dr appointments til mid February. I drove him across country to Ohio, then west Virginia to his mom brother and sister. I have been driving him to maryland to establish new Dr's and treatment because his insurance won't cover anything that isn't kaiser. I'm exhausted. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm angry. And now he is getting more mean and angry. I don't know if it's from the tumors, the radiation damaging his brain, or if it's just his real personality. I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I have ms, and im now having an attack due to the exhaustion and prolonged stress of it all.

[Agora1 in reply to dawn1229]

dearest dawn1229, taking care of a terminal patient is very taxing on any caretaker especially when everything is on your shoulders and that is a family member. You have more than shown your love and support for your father but there is only so much one person can handle on their own before they start to deteriorate.

The time has come now to take care of your MS, your husband and your family. This isn't healthy for you and you won't be able to take care of anyone if you continue pushing and stressing your body. He needs to have hospice care at this point. Depending the age of your father, he may be eligible for a state advocate to advise you on some options for his care.

I hope you get the help you so need. You are important too x

[dawn1229 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your kind words. I have tried to let the rest of the family know that I need help with taking care of my dad. I hope that they do end up helping, because I can't just let him suffer alone. Grin Ohio to maryland for his chemo is a 5 hour drive. And in the end, I will have to make sure that he gets to his treatment regardless if anyone else steps up to help, regardless of my health.

I just don't know what to do in the mean time to help relieve my anxiety and stress through all of this. I need to be strong for him so that he remains positive through all this. He's been diagnosed terminal, but I don't want him to give up.

[Agora1 in reply to dawn1229]

dawn, the best thing you can do is give yourself short respites through 10 minute meditations involving deep breathing. The deep breathing will calm your mind and body. It will allow that escape for a few moments and hopefully give you the strength you need to carry on. I do understand your love for your father and wanting to be strong for him. I hope that some one else from the family can help even in some small way to relieve you at times. When I'm under immense amount of stress, I tune out to the world and tune into YouTube where I go on QuietMindCafe.com Sinking & Slowing Breathing Meditation. I've tried many sites over the years, this one works amazingly fast as I hope it will for you. Use it as often as you need to but of course not when driving. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your father. He is very fortunate to have a loving daughter by his side. Take care of yourself. x

[dawn1229 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much

[mdooms]

Dawn1229,

Thank you for the detail explanation. First and foremost, you and only you will have to be taken care of! I do understand taking care of a loved one. However, your health must come first. With MS, anxiety and stress weakens the body more causing more relapses as well. Can you call extended family to pick up the slack while you rest up and take care of you? Make time for you for a while so you get a breath. Hope this will help you. If you want to talk, just message me. Take care!

[dawn1229 in reply to mdooms]

thank you mdooms. i did ask them for help, again, last night. this time a lot more persuasively. i will have to wait and see if they follow through and do actually help.

[Funkyfaerie]

Just to say, I went through this with my Mother.

She too turned mean and short tempered, just not her, I think it was the radiation.

It's also can be terrifying being a carer in this situation. Can you get help?

[dawn1229 in reply to Funkyfaerie]

He won't accept hospice care because he feels he doesn't need it. He's still walking on his own and taking care of his personal care for the most part. He is going into liver failure and swelling uncontrollably. I've asked his mother brother and sister to take care of him this week. So far, they are. But they also let him book a flight to California 3 days after his first chemo treatment.

[Funkyfaerie]

Dawn,

You can only do, what you can do.

If they stepped up to give you a break and they have let him book this flight, then may be that makes him feel good, May be he might make it there, who knows.

You just take it one day at a time, there is nothing else you can do. When my Mother got real bad, it was taken out of all our hands and we had to get outside care that involved the hospice...and it was the best thing, they were concerned for family too, all of us.

It's stressful, it's frightening, but you will be alright.

Jen x

[dawn1229 in reply to Funkyfaerie]

Thank you.

[Natsteveo]

Mines the same at the minute honey xx

[dawn1229 in reply to Natsteveo]

I'm sorry. It's a horrible thing.

[ciley]

vit b complex~the whole lot in one~is good for physical calmness