Guilt ridden over my past

I've done alot of awful things in my twenties and thirties and even forties because of anger and stress I am now 56 and my past haunts me. I was diagnosed with Depression and PTSD which could be used as an excuse for all my violent outbursts. I have learnt from my Doctors and mental health team that my childhood was torturous very violent very verbally abusive and if my parents was alive today they would be doing decades behind bars. Today smacking a child can find a parent facing the judge and rightly so.

Parents must realize the danger of abuse the harm it can do to so many people because a child facing daily abuse can and probably will go on to abuse and even murder. My parents took their frustrations out on me in so many ways and it destroyed my life and I destroyed others lives . Abuse is like a virus and I hope with the new laws in place will make people feel much more safe.. I only wish I was born later as only now government has realized the damage abuse can be to vulnerable people. I am so sorry so guilty for what I did but my parents never ever said sorry even on their death beds I wish they were alive to see the advertising and prison sentences that is now given to abusers.


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9 Replies

  • Dodo, How does one ever get over the abusive childhood you lived through? You don't. Children tend to carry this hurt throughout their lifetime. Affecting not only them but people around them. They say we learn from our upbringing from our parents. You were taught the wrong message of how a parent should treat a child. I am so very sorry for that. And yet, you treat your son with the dignity and love that a father should have for his child. Which makes me believe that somewhere in your heart you decided to stop the abuse from one generation to another. Hopefully, your son will learn from you right and wrong and become the strong man you are today. You may never heal Dodo, but you will and can become a stronger person for all you have been through. I hope that you find peace in your heart one day. As hard as it may be, I hope that you are able to one day reflect on who you've become today and not what you were in the past. I wish you calm and quiet moments. My best to you.

  • im with you my life was the same

  • Hi smjtty. How are you doing? I didn't realize your childhood was the same. I'm sorry about that. I'm sure it plays into what you have gone through in your adult years. Acting out when a young adult is most likely a way of coping but then you get to a point in life where you want to just hide away from the world. And the loneliness sets in. We are never alone in our suffering. It's just that we don't know what other people go through because they are hiding as well. My thoughts are with you smjtty... x

  • i know your # is in my e mail when is the best time

  • You can call me after 7pm or during the afternoons until 5.

  • not sure i understand

  • You have no need to feel guilty none of this is your fault

  • I agree about childhood abuse destroying lives. I wasn`t seriously abused when I was growing up, but my parents would smack me for no good reason except that they were in a bad mood & were taking their stresses out on me rather than dealing with them. They also made some glaring mistakes raising me which damaged me severely, resulting in my ending up in an adolescent unit as a teenager because of severe adjustment problems. I think that no-one should be allowed to reproduce until they can prove that they`ll be fit parents!

  • I hated my mother in the end for allowing my father to bully me because its left huge mental damage. Thanks for in put .

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